Episode 94 - What If Doing The Inner Work Didn't Have To Feel Heavy?

January 28, 2025

We all have some inner work to do - some hurt to work through, sadness to move, emotions to acknowledge, and for some there's trauma to release. There is often this assumption that in order to do this work, it has to feel heavy and well, like work. But what if it didn't have to be heavy, or at least not all of the time? Don't get me wrong, moving through our emotions can involve tears and can feel hard, however, what if it wasn't all the time?

In this episode, host Mel Findlater shares her story of the first month of her 'wintering' and her realization that her brain and body have a very clever way of escaping, or adding in the happy hormones, exactly when she needs it the most...when things get heavy. She explores how play and possibility allow the lightness back in and through the challenging emotions that need moving.

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Episode Transcript

On how doing the inner work doesn't always have to feel heavy
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Mel: / [00:00:00]

Welcome to Permission to be Human, the podcast. I'm your host, Mel Findlater mother, coach, and curator of Permission to be Human, the company and community. If you're a mum, know a mum, or want to be a mum, and you crave getting out in the world to make a difference, then you're in the right place. This is a space for mums like you to connect with yourself, your purpose, and your big, audacious dreams.

Because when you feel your best, you can better you, your family, and the wider world. Let's do this.

Hello everyone. And. It's the end of January. We've officially. Been through the darkest nights of. The year. And caught the other side. And I've really noticed them this year. [00:01:00] I don't know about you, but, uh,

You know, I really kinda lent into them, allowed them to be.

And kind of on that same realm, I wanted to chat today about this really like massive realization that I've had.

Lately that.

If you've been listening in at all. I have been choosing to winter. In other words to step back from things that aren't absolutely necessary. In my work life, especially. And allow myself the space to be. And to do the inner work. And.

I felt really nervous about this over December. Thinking, what is my January going to look like? What's it. You know, what if I get down so deep? And so heavy that I don't know how to get back [00:02:00] out. Right. Because this is the fear. This is the fear. When we start to dig into some of the. Stuff that's happened in our life or just the feelings that we've had. And. It's this fear that we'll be alone in it and it will be dark.

It will be heavy and we won't have to get out. And this last couple of weeks has been. Such a crazy shift for me. When. Through some coaching and therapy work and all the things, all the work that I've been doing. The inner work that I've been doing, I have been assuming that it has to be heavy. And that I've literally been stopping myself from doing some of the fun things. That, uh, get me out of the heaviness and get me into the lightness. And this realization kind of hit me that like,

Maybe just, maybe there's this [00:03:00] permission. To do the inner work with out it, be in heavy. And that that's still in our work. And I'm curious if like this lands with you at all. I don't think I'm alone in this. You know, we think that this, I definitely think that this has to be really hard. And there's not allowed to be any play or fun. And. I called P S on that now. Um, it is hard.

Don't get me wrong. It is hard to do the, some of the inner work and our bodies and our brains have this like incredible ability to pull us. Into lightness. When. They see that we need it. Right to do the things that give us the dopamine hits that, you know, give us those little glimmers of joy. And I find that absolutely. Amazing now. So. To give an example, one of the [00:04:00] realizations. That I came to is that I use ideation and possibility. You know, the core part of my work.

As an escape from the herder feelings at times. And. I wanted to sit with that and I sat with it and I felt horrible. And then when I felt horrible, I'd start ideating. And then I'd. Catch myself and notice it. And then I would.

Stop myself from doing it and go back to whatever the original reflection was.

And that's not a bad thing. Right. Yes. There are times when perhaps. It's the right moment to. Reflect on the other stuff. However, Something that also I eventually have now realized is that like, My essence. Or my.

Kind of core part of who I am is [00:05:00] in this possibility. And my brain is going, Ooh, this is hard.

You need in order to get through this. You need. A hit of happy hormones. And I know exactly how to give that to you. And for me one though, there's many, but one of the core ways is through this creativity, curiosity and possibility. And. So my body is doing exactly. What it should be. And what if, instead of.

Instead of thinking of it as. Instead of thinking of it as that is me avoiding something. What if I think of it as about, is actually.

My way through. Right. Because it doesn't have to feel heavy. All of those thoughts, all of those themes, all of those things that I may have been thinking about beforehand. Are still going to be there. And my way [00:06:00] through. Can be through play. It can be through possibility. And. As soon as I kind of came to that realization, I was like, holy crap. I've been forcing myself to like, Go heavy. And I don't like it.

So what an invitation to me to. Allow the lightness in. And whatever way that looks like, uh, other ways. So possibility is one of them. I love playing with possibility, as you will know. If you listen to this before. And creativity is another, I've been really stepping into creating things the last month.

So I did a. Uh, Clay turning class of. Um, kind of most of the way through making some. Uh, honeypot. A. Little cup and a variety of different things. And. I just got for Christmas, one of those little [00:07:00] customizer, engraving pens, which I played with today and really enjoyed being able to doodle on a piece of wood and a piece of rock and. Just kind of let my brain, uh, go creative and there's this real lightness and beauty to. Allowing it to go there.

And, uh, I'm allowing myself to do that. Now. It doesn't have to be heavy. And so this is my invitation to you to reflect upon how you've been doing your inner work or how you've been maybe avoiding it. Because you feel like it's going to be heavy and it has to be heavy all the time. You know, do it alongside a therapist or coach or a. You know, depending on where you need to go, if you have trauma, certainly therapy. And a lot of this is our work to do alongside, um, in the, in between times.

And.

Sometimes the way through the heaviness. Is to allow the lightness. In. [00:08:00] Actually I think probably we all the time, at least for me. So I'm just going to leave you with that. There's no specific. Tip or anything that I want to give you there, except for just that invitation, to be curious, be curious about how you have been thinking about your inner work and. Is it helping you to think about it that way?

Is it a useful thought. Because we can change those. So. Thank you for being there. And. I look forward to. Speaking soon.

Mel: That is it, folks. This has been Mel Findlater on Permission to Be Human, the podcast, and I am so glad that you have joined us here today and hope that you have taken away some tidbits that will help you go away, connect with your big audacious dream, and make that massive impact in the world that you are dying to make.

If you liked today's [00:09:00] episode, please, please, please like it, share it. Think of one person, think of one person that you think would also like it and send it on over to them. Let's get this out there and more moms feeling like themselves. Inspired, dreaming big, and out there being them. Please do head on over to find me on Facebook with permission to be human or Instagram or you can even Off me an email and say hello.

Have permission to be human, always, at gmail. com. Say hello and let me know that you listened. What did you like about it? I would love to hear. If you didn't like it, I don't really want to know. Ha ha, just kidding, you can share that if you want. I would love to know, however. who you are. Let's connect.

Let's find out what you want more of. I want to hear from you and I want to make it what would be useful to you. [00:10:00] As always, remember that you have permission to dream big, permission to feel big, and permission to be you. You have complete and full permission to be human.

Good deal. You do.

Episode 94 - What If Doing The Inner Work Didn't Have To Feel Heavy?

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