Is it really that you don't have time?
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Mel: [00:00:00] Welcome to Permission to be Human, the podcast. I'm your host Mel Findlater mother, coach, and curator of Permission to be Human, the company and community. If you're a mom, know a mom, or want to be a mom, and you crave getting out in the world to make a difference, then you're in the right place. This is a space for moms like you to connect with yourself, your purpose, and your big audacious dreams.
Because when you feel your best, you can better you, your family, and the wider world. Let's do this.
Hello. Hello everybody. Welcome back. I am here with just me again today. To talk to you about a concept that came up in a recent episode with Sue Deagle. Which is this idea that, you know, so often we say our [00:01:00] resistance in starting something new or trying something out. Is, I don't have time. I don't have time.
You say it all the time. Right. And self care. It's like, well, I don't have time for self care. I don't have time to sit and meditate for an hour. I don't have time. I don't have time.
And in this discussion with Sue Deagle, we started to tap into this concept. That, is it the time that you don't have, or is, is it actually space? That you're feeling you don't have space. To think. Space to feel space to. You know, have that joy to do things that you. Crave and need.
And the irony of it all is that. This [00:02:00] feeling of not having space.
Is. The only way to create a feeling of space is to. Is to do it is to do the things that we don't think we have space for.
So self care isn't about what we're doing. It can look many, many different ways. But space is a more about.
Mental capacity. How much are you holding? How much are you holding? In your body and your emotion. Right.
How much weight do you carry that isn't even your own. It might be your worries or your anxiety or someone else's worries or anxiety. Or the responsibility. And so many responsibilities that we have. With our children, our families. [00:03:00]
Right. So much sits on our shoulders that it can feel. Like a weight and this heaviness. And we love our families and we love so much.
That then we feel like guilt. Around.
Feeling this weight. And this lack of space. And the reaction for myself at least. And I think many others is that I try to move faster and that I'm constantly thinking about the next thing. I'm very rarely in the moment. When I get like this.
So instead, what if we actually created space?
In our lives. What if we created mental capacity? What if we practiced saying no. To the things that don't light us [00:04:00] up. Say no to the favor that someone asked you.
And less, it brings you joy.
Say no to the extra activity. That you know, your kid would love.
And yet. It will mean you driving around for one more afternoon in the week.
Saying yes to the space. It would give you to say no.
And in that instance, the space that it gives your kid.
So what if we can create the space that we need?
The space for self-reflection. The space to feel all the fields that are so uncomfortable.
And to feel joy and to play.
You know, these things often don't [00:05:00] come out because we're running from one thing to the next cause because we tell ourselves we don't have time. But what it is is we don't have space. We don't have the mental capacity. We're not making that space. And burnout comes along. And pokes us and aside, and we think, oh, I'm doing too much. When in fact. What's really the cause of burnout is that. You're not doing enough of what brings you joy.
You're not giving yourself the space to dream. And wonder and be curious and play.
Right. So when we say things like I can't join this group because I just don't have time. Just question yourself. That might be true.
And it might be. That your brain feels so full. That you're not sure how to decrease it. [00:06:00] And fill it with some space. For other things. And there's this question for you of.
What does your life feel like right now? What does your body feel right now? Does it feel heavy? Or does it feel light? And like, you can bring in whatever things might come your way. That will serve you.
Mental health is like,
Definitely related to all of this.
When we. Serve and serve and serve others. And we forget. That.
We matter.
And.
Take the time, but, and create [00:07:00] the space.
For our mental capacity. To release a little bit.
When we create the space for us to.
Really lean into what we're craving right now. What is it? What is it that you're craving right now?
Is it. Quiet. Space to lay down tuts. That's my current one. Sometimes I'm like, I just, I just got to lay down on my back. And someone might argue that I'm meditating. But. I don't know what you want to call it. I just know that I want to lie on my back. In complete and utter silence for like five minutes.
All right.
There are times that that's what I need to do. That's what my body is telling me. That's what I crave.
And maybe yours is something completely different. Maybe you crave going for a [00:08:00] run.
And you might be saying, oh, like, I don't have time and maybe I don't have mental capacity, but when you do it, you actually feel so much better for it. Right. I could say the same. I don't have time to lay down in my hammock. I don't have time. I don't have time.
And yet we look at these people who feel like they just have this endless amount of time. And their lives, their mums. They have their own businesses there. Have six kids or, you know, whatever it is. It's not so much about. Time. It's about choices and it's about how we actually connect with the time. In the moment. Right.
So you can go do 20 things today. And. If you're constantly thinking about what the next thing is, you're never thinking about what you're doing and what. Like, how do I know, just noticing what you're doing. Like, how do I [00:09:00] feel about this and my body? Am I talking really fast because I'm actually nervous.
Oh, that's interesting. Right. When you're working work.
When you're playing with your kid, play with your kid.
When you're playing to be an art by yourself. Allow yourself to focus on that. And it is through that and finding those moments of flow. And excitement and play and joy and all of these other emotions. We see them. We see the mode, the emotions. And sometimes that'll be hard because those are like really hard feelings to move through. I've been there.
We've all been there. And I will be there again.
And it's through. You know, like I've been, I've been holding on to. A lot of big. Emotions are that. [00:10:00]
You know, have resulted in anger and rage and feelings of not enoughness and so many things. And the only way I kept getting so frustrated because I'm like, I get it. I know what it is. And I know I have these feelings and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with them. How do I move them through? Yeah, I know I'm not supposed to shove them down.
How do I move them through? My body so that they can go elsewhere. The only way. That I find that moves it even a little. It's to allow myself the space.
And sometimes that's blocking off actual time. And sometimes that's checking how I'm thinking in the moment about the situation that I'm in.
What am I doing? I'm sitting at my desk. I'm looking at the things around me. I'm feeling [00:11:00] honestly, a little cluttered about it.
Right. Like she really checking in.
With how we're doing. And we've talked about this so many times the mind body connection on here, right? Really connecting in that gap, grounding ourselves, putting our feet on the ground, checking out where we are looking around. The more we can practice that. The more, we'll be able to create the space to.
Feel. And say yes to the things that bring us joy. And no to the things that we don't think will.
Right. The courage club, which is up and running now with pending founding members and going to be launching. For good in January, which is very exciting. You know, we do group challenges, some of which people are like. I don't.
I don't like, I'm so happy I did that. I never would have done it on my own, and I was never [00:12:00] tempted or even craved to doing it. And yet I've loved the fact that we all went and we laughed and we tried to do it together. Right. It's about. In that instance. Fulfilling the need of community and connection.
And then need to learn something new and the need to laugh and play.
So I think I'll leave you with that. And just some questions to think about, you know, don't take me for my word. My situation may be different than yours. But leave you with the question, how. Often is it that you don't actually have the time. For something that you really want to say yes to. And is it actually. That you're feeling like you don't have the space. And if that's the case. How can you create that space?
That space in your body, that space in your brain. [00:13:00] And your awareness.
And it may correlate with time and it may not.
How can we. Be present in each and every moment and create this space for us to.
Do what makes us come, come alive. Think about what makes us come alive. Explore it. Embrace it.
All right. Hopefully that bit of a ramble today was useful to you to you. I would love to hear. What your kind of conclusions are to these questions? Like what is the difference between space and time, and maybe there's a whole nother level and depth. To this conversation that, that you've thought of. Uh, so, you know, do you get in touch if you ever like pop me an email right on our Facebook page permission to be human. Let us know, let me know, you know, the Royal us. What. [00:14:00] You're thinking about these things, because it's together that we're going to learn. Okay. I think I hope you have an absolutely. Fabulous rest of the day, whatever that is. And take the space. That you need. And whatever way that looks like for you.
Mel: If you live on Vancouver Island, then listen up. This is for you. And if you don't, still listen up because it may well eventually be for you. I have started The Courage Club. It is up and running right now with our founding members and it will be launching for real in January of 2025. And it is a space for women to meet new people local in their area you And try new things, build up that courage muscle, take fear along for the ride, and have some fun together.
[00:15:00] And if that seems like something that you are craving, that space to get out and do things that you might not otherwise do on your own, but that you do want to do, then You can do it with the Courage Club. Now, courage shows up in many forms. Sure, there's the physical ones that we all think of, but there's also social and there's emotional courage, and there's so many ways that we can show it.
So you will have an opportunity to decide how you going to do your acts of courage. Head on over to Permission to Be human.ca/the Courage Club and get your name on the waiting list so that you can hear all about it as and when it comes up.
That is it, folks. This has been Mel Findlater on Permission to Be Human, the podcast, and I am so glad that you have joined us here today and hope that you have taken away some tidbits that will help you go away, connect with your big [00:16:00] audacious dream, and make that massive impact in the world that you are dying to make.
If you liked today's episode, please, please, please like it, share it. Think of one person. Think of one person that you think would also like it and send it on over to them. Let's get this out there and more moms feeling like themselves. Inspired, dreaming big, and out there being them. Please do head on over to find me on Facebook with permission to be human or Instagram or you can even Off me an email and say hello.
Have permission to be human, always, at gmail. com. Say hello and let me know that you listened. What did you like about it? I would love to hear. If you didn't like it, I don't really want to know. Ha ha, just kidding, you can share that if you want. I would love to know, however, who you are. Let's [00:17:00] connect.
Let's find out what you want more of. I want to hear from you and I want to make it what would be useful to you. As always, remember that you have permission to dream big, permission to feel big, and permission to be you. You have complete and full permission to be human.
For real, you do.
