Episode 79 - Making Everyday Magic and Why It Matters with Ruth Brannan
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[00:00:00] Welcome to Permission to be Human, the podcast. I'm your host, Mel Findlater, mother, coach, and curator of Permission to be Human, the company and community. If you're a mom, know a mom. or want to be a mom, and you crave getting out in the world to make a difference, then you're in the right place. This is a space for moms like you to connect with yourself, your purpose, and your big, audacious dreams.
Because when you feel your best, you can better you, your family, and the wider world. Let's do this.
Ruth: Hello Ruth. Hello Mel. Good evening or good morning.
Mel: I know, evening for you, morning for me. I am, as you know, so excited that I finally convinced you to come onto the podcast.
Ruth: Well, no, I'm not an arm twisted, but I suddenly realized I should be [00:01:00] okay.
Mel: Yeah, yeah, and it's you know, it's talking about something that is your, It is you.
Like, when I think of you, this is what I think of. So, to give people an idea, very briefly, we're going to be talking about magic today, but maybe not in the sense that you usually think about magic. Uh, which is how we can bring up into that. What's that?
Ruth: Not witches or cauldrons.
Mel: Not witches or cults, although I mean, maybe sometimes, I don't know.
But more how do we bring that into our life in the sense of, of the feel goods that come with it. So, I invited Ruth on because she is the person that comes to my mind whenever I think about This kind of stuff. So let's do a little quick intro of you, Ruth, and then we'll dig in a little bit more about what we mean by this magic word.
So who's Ruth?
Ruth: Hmm. Who am I? Well, I suppose where I'm going to start is that I'm Ruth and I live in Ely in Cambridgeshire in the UK. [00:02:00] Uh, I used to live in Cambridge, uh, but moved out to Ely, which is a small town for those people who aren't in the UK. I live very close to my daughter and grandchildren. So literally they're around the corner.
So I have the really lovely delightful faces peering at my windows sometimes on the way to school, children peer through the window. So that's, that's just lovely. I'm very much at home now in Ely. Before, and who am I other than that? Well, I'm, yes, I'm grandma, but I'm also somebody who has worked with lots of different people all through my life.
And I'm sure that will come out in sort of conversation. So I've not just stuck at one particular line of work, although I've been geared towards one line. I suppose I've been skewed, I can't think of another word, skewed in one direction. But in order to get to that direction, I've done lots of other things too.
So my life now, as I'm retired, which is a [00:03:00] really weird word to use, doesn't fit comfortably. It should be another word. Maybe I'll have to think of it. It'll come to me, maybe in this podcast, I don't know. But I'm retired, but it means I'm really busy. But it means I have more choice about what I do.
On a, well, yeah, I don't have, I can choose how my day goes on the whole. Lots of flexibility. So that's nice. I've always worked as part of a team, and that's really important to me. Uh, what else, Mel? Who am I? I'm going to leave it there. And I'm sure there are other bits of it that will just come out through the podcast.
It's hard to know where to go.
Mel: Yeah, definitely. That's a, that's the perfect start, Ruth. And I think, you know, like we met. You were one of the first people I met when I moved to England, uh, however many years ago that was. [00:04:00] 18 years ago. That long ago. Crazy.
Ruth: Yeah.
Mel: And Ruth and I, well, Ruth, you kind of hired me, actually.
I think that was our initial interaction. Hired me as your boss. I think that's how
Ruth: it worked. That's true. I'd forgotten that. That's true. And I remember being kind of like, yeah, that, that interview stage was right. Really weird, isn't it? I hadn't really been in that position before of interviewing for my boss.
Mel: Yeah, it was a really unique, well, it was a unique place. We were, I'm so grateful for being able to work. there during that time when it was like it was. And, you know, to have, just to catch people up very briefly, it was, a charity for, uh, a disability advocacy charity. And we were teaching life skills to adults and young people with learning difficulties as it's described in the UK.
And where we came across each other, isn't it? That's how we came across each other. Exactly. And it was so unique that this interview process was me showing [00:05:00] up, working with a group of people and then having to present. To everybody else, what we got up to. And I was like, it didn't really feel right to present.
So I just brought the rest of the people in the group up and said, what did we do? Apparently that's what you wanted me to do. So it worked out.
Ruth: It was perfect. It was perfect. For so many people have no idea. Yeah. But you obviously hit the nail on the head and you knew exactly, just instinctively that, uh, you know, the way people work with people of all events is, is actually to invite everybody in and for them to be wholly a hundred percent, a hundred percent part of.
The, you know, the show and life really, I guess it's like just to be there together. Yeah. And you definitely go in that direction very highly. So, yeah. Well, and it's that
Mel: inclusion from the perspective of just literally everybody is what I mean by that. Let's include, if I'm going to talk about your life, I'm going to include you in your life conversation, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. So that was such a unique place to work [00:06:00] and I think where we got to really play, we got to really play. We got to
Ruth: laugh, Mel, we got to laugh so much. It was nearly on the edge of dangerous laughing because it's like it hurt your stomach so much. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where on earth would you actually get that experience other than where we were working?
I'm sure there are other places, but it just really felt completely at home and adventurous at the same time. It was kind of like we were having adventures together with everybody on board. Exploring, no real, I was going to say, the direction came to us as we were working. And that was one of the nicest things.
I always felt really happy to go to work. I used to cycle on my bike, it used to take me about 45 minutes. But I used to be really excited to go to work. Whatever the weather, because it was such fun. And I used to think, I'm getting paid for this.
Mel: It was such fun, in fact, so [00:07:00] much fun that I remember one of the first things I wanted to do, I was looking around and I was like, nobody's taking their lunch breaks. So I set up a system. If you ticked the box that you took a half an hour lunch break away from your desk X amount of time I don't know, five or 10 times or something, then you like won something.
Ruth: I won, I'll tell you what I won Mel, and it's like, because Peter said to me the other day, he was watching some crappy program on the telly, and these women were having their nails painted, and he said, oh you've never had your nails painted, and I said, yes I have. I won the well being contest for having a lunch break.
Amazing. I had my nails painted and I think they were bright pink. It's the only time I've ever had my nails painted, but it was, yes, you're right. But it was also, that was lovely to have that, uh, being looked after as staff. You know, we were working, we were being looked after, each other and ourselves.
Mel: We really did. We really did. And everybody got a cake when they started and for birthdays and like all the [00:08:00] things. There's so many happy memories. There was a chocolate
Ruth: drawer. It was just so cool.
Mel: Oh, there was, yeah. It wasn't near me, I don't think, was it? Because I don't think it would have lasted very long if it was near me.
I
Ruth: think the management used to put their hand in there, to be fair. They didn't top it up, but they used to take it out. Yeah, definitely. I don't regret it.
Mel: Yeah, and I think like this conversation, You know, leads into the topic that we were, we were hoping to tap into today, which, you know, it's the play, it's the fun, it's the laughing you are the one of the people and the only people that I laugh, cry with just pure on all the emotion is coming out of your face.
Right? Yeah. And, you know, it's that play and that laughter and that fun that so often we leave behind when we turn into our serious adults and have to you know, be adults in life. Right.
Ruth: Yeah, how many times do we laugh like that and I have to say now you are one of, you know, the people, one of [00:09:00] my few people that again, I know understand that silliness and understand the quirkiness and will go off in a direction with me.
Other people just look at me as if she's really a bit odd, but you kind of pick me up and we'll go, we'll go with it together. A bit like that conversation we had about super pants, the super support workers wearing pants on the outside of their trousers. And I put that in context of people who may be listening.
Well,
Mel: and pants, by the way, means under, underwear, just for those not in England as well.
Ruth: Knickers and boys pants, whatever they call them, I don't know what they're called. So we were thinking about how, the way we worked, wouldn't it be great if everybody, could work in a similar way. And we, you and I sat on that green in Arbury and thinking out, well, how, how would we be able to identify them?
How would we know that this sort of workers, these people who kind of got it and went with the inclusiveness and you have to [00:10:00] chat to everybody and anybody, and we decided that actually, if they wear a pair of pants on the outside of their pair of knickers of their trousers, then we'd know, we'd know instantly that they were super people.
And so, but I just remember laughing so much at the thought of people in our room, over their trousers. I still don't think it was totally normal. I thought, well, why not? You know, just why not? But it's the thoughts, isn't it? It's the random thoughts that occur to you. And you definitely, you know, for me, it's also part of that teamwork of being able to explore those kind of like ridiculous thoughts together but actually end up with something really serious and doable.
Yeah, with that fun element somehow embedded in it. And I think that's an important part of, you know, the way we work together and the way that Next Steps and that project worked was great.
Mel: Yeah, exactly. I think, you know, your point [00:11:00] about, the play and the fun and the laughter and the outrageous ideas that we came up with, you know, they lead somewhere.
You know, did we walk in with our underwear outside of our pants? No, not necessarily. Trousers? No, that's not what we did. But we envisioned it and had fun then, you know, going in. I suppose
Ruth: it made us think about what the core, what the core thing was. What is it that we were really asking?
People, what was it? And why did we wanna know? Who, why did we wanna identify, you know? Yeah. It gets into the serious stuff after all the laughter gets out and alongside it.
Yeah. Kind of unt it unpicks, it uhhuh. So you untying the thoughts and the places you want go by having a bit of a laugh about it.
And I think that happens in many different sort of scenarios and through life. Yeah, definitely, it's the unpicking and having some fun with it. It doesn't close you down, it actually opens you [00:12:00] up to all kinds of different possibilities, which you might not have ever thought of without somebody there also.
I think it's quite an important thing to be able to do it, well no, it's very important to be able to do it together with other people, because other people, in my head now, because I'm very much a visual person, I've just got this big pile of bubbles. You know, when you have a bath and there's bubbles, big bubbles, and it's those bubbles that kind of grow and take you in the direction.
If you're on your own, you've only got the one bubble. But the minute you get with everybody else, it's kind of like, oh, and then it starts to grow, you know, a bit like a nightmare. But that's the way it works, isn't it? Yeah. It just takes you somewhere. Yeah. You don't know where it's going.
Mel: Definitely.
You're making me think of my, that's what my kids do. I'm kind of, the visual in my head is We put our hot [00:13:00] tub on a low temperature and they get in sometimes and then there's little bubbles that grow in the corner and they collect them together and they pretend they're a school and they grow and grow and grow and they think it's so fun.
And that's just the perfect metaphor of this ideas grow when we let them come together. And we allow them to be like bubbly, like playful, right? And ideation, it's so easy to be like, I don't know, let's say we need to come up for the name of a program or something like that. Right. And it's that could be so boring.
It could be so fun.
Ruth: Say that again. Let's get the flip chart out when you say, Oh yeah, I was thinking, Oh, you have to get the flip chart and get the black marker out. And that's the last thing you actually want to do when somebody else says, you know, actually I wouldn't do it like that at all.
Instead, it's okay, let's just like think of every visual that comes into mind and let's just like literally throw them out like they're bubbles. And yeah, so this play [00:14:00] and this fun and this, this kind of way of being, you know, we've been using the word magic for a while and yours so Ruth, you and I learned around a similar time, I want to say, what the core process, yeah, with Nick Heap.
Yes. I know you've talked about that in another podcast, I believe. And you know, I guess the core process, when you've done that explanation, I can't think of anything else. At this time of night, a quick way of saying what it is and you might be better at that than me. Sure. I mean, it's
Mel: generally a very simple process that gets us to the point of understanding two words that define what's our mission in this world.
Why are we here? Not like what job you're going to get or you know, but it's, it's really who are you and what's the gift? It's like a gift to the world,
Ruth: isn't it? A gift to the world. What it is that we bring.
Mel: Yeah, exactly. And yours is amazing. Can you share what yours
Ruth: [00:15:00] is?
Mel: Sure.
Ruth: There's two words and it's unlocking and that word is really important to me actually in various other ways as well.
There's unlocking magic and when, when it kind of came up, I immediately felt really excited that, that, I thought, I thought they nailed it, they've nailed it. And I felt very proud. It was like, oh yeah. But it's made me actually think even more about the way I work and the way what things bring me happiness, what, what I really love to do.
It's made me really think about it and I double check myself sometimes by saying those words. I get a lot of joy out of them. I do. And I have never forgotten. So, yeah. Really. And that is you know, I look at it and I get excited about that for you. 'cause I'm like, yep, that's it. That's those are the words, right?
Mel: Yeah. And, you know, today might be the focus on the magic component of it, but it's it's really [00:16:00] like, how do we, how do we find those moments where we can, it can feel
Ruth: like magic, right? I guess it was interesting because the word unlocking is important to go with it. It doesn't stand alone. The magic does not stand alone.
Yeah. And the unlocking, I've been thinking about it and what it is That's why it's been important to me. And if it's a good time to say about it, but it's kind of like, I've always been really interested in the way that people are, but also how they learn and how you find out how people learn, how you unlock that bit of the puzzle.
So I've got a kind of educational background in a fashion, but I didn't also fit that educational world. Either because it. Although I did teach for a short time, I wasn't happy in school because it didn't work the way I liked it to work. I was very, [00:17:00] much more practical and wanted children to be completely immersed and involved, in what was going on.
possible for them to be enjoying what they were doing rather than having to just follow a, I'm going to say, a very dry word called curriculum, curriculum. So I was, I've always been really interested right from my mum worked in special education. So my work experience was in special education going, you know, bring your daughter into work sort of stuff.
But way before that, I'm from a family of five girls. And out of the five of us, I was the one who didn't achieve on the academic side of things. I never passed exams. I was a late developer, as my mum used to call me. You're a late developer Ruth. I didn't learn to read because I was too busy building bonfires.
[00:18:00] Not in houses or anything like that, but in the garden, making potatoes. or I was out on my bike. I didn't, I really wasn't interested in reading. I was having too much fun. So I, I think it goes way back to those kind of, who I was, was not like other people. I was not the person who wanted to pass exams. I was jealous that they weren't.
I thought, I felt that I was not conforming to the family because my dad was an academic and my mum, she wasn't an academic, but became an academic. And it was like, it was very different. I felt very different. So I couldn't work out why I was different. for a long time. I only knew, when did I know? When I left teaching.
You know, I feel as though I've had more pleasure in my life than doing what I've been doing.
So yeah, it dates right back to a small child, I suppose. And then working in all kinds of different [00:19:00] capacities from betting shops, if you know what that is. A betting shop, when people bet on horses. And I used to do the board. I'm working in play schemes in Brixton. London, uh, to being a, let's say, uh, what do you call it?
When you have no clothes on and the artists are drawing you. Yeah, I don't know what that's called, but that's okay. I thought that was an easy job. You just sat there, no clothes on. And working in hostels with adults with learning difficulties who are coming out of it. Hospitals, because people used to be hospitalized and they were coming into the community, they were coming into the community.
And so supporting people to get the life they wanted. And that whole kind of mixture of, yeah, and a handful of other things. But on the whole, it was a real mixture of people with different ages, [00:20:00] different backgrounds, different genres of people altogether. One of my greatest loves is watching people and, well, it sounds really weird and pervy, doesn't it?
Look, I, you know, one of my favorite days would be to sit at King's Cross, I never did this now, to sit at King's Cross station, just watch people come in and going. Because I love
Mel: that. You could totally do that. I'd, I'd now officially dare you to go sit at King's Cross station and just watch people for a day.
Ruth: It's so interesting, just so interesting, the sort of relationships and the body language and the, you know, kind of people. It's always fascinated me that there's so many So many varieties now for people.
Mel: It's true, right? And you know, like you, Ruth, that unlocking thing, as you describe it there, you're right.
That's, that's a super important part. And I think, you know, the word that comes to mind for me within that is like curiosity. Like you, you watch people and you're like, I'm, I wonder, I wonder this. I [00:21:00] wonder how they work. I wonder what they're thinking about. I wonder what their tick. I wonder how they learn.
Ruth: Exactly. You know, And the fun element, having been in school where it's all dry and blue, I just wanted to make sure if there was a fun way of supporting people to learn, that it also engaged me with that person, build up a relationship with that person, because that's a big thing. You know, you can, you can learn how to support somebody to learn the way that they would learn, but unless you've got relationship with that person, then it doesn't go anywhere very fast.
Yeah, so in in bringing the magic or whatever it is I'm bringing I tried to make sure that It's building a kind of communication tool in order for us to be able to work together in the same sort of place and better have some fun while we're doing it. So, uh, at this point, I might just, and you can't see it if you're on the bus, but I'm going to wear my [00:22:00] cape.
Can you describe your cape to us, Ruth? I've just wear a cape every now and again. I don't usually wear it myself. I usually give it to somebody else to be fair. But I haven't got anybody else. I could try and give it to you, but it's the wrong way. So it's a pink cape, which is made of pink foil, I guess, and it's around my shoulders, and it's really, it feels really nice to wear, actually.
I'm surprised I don't wear it more often. Because it's interesting how clothes make you feel, isn't it? It does make me feel quite, happy, actually, to put a pink glittery cloak on. So, I try and use things to kind of lighten and Yeah, to build a relationship with somebody about something that's like a, in a fun way.
And it often opens other doors once you've got like past the, any nervousness or about [00:23:00] learning or just having a life. It's somehow, yeah, it's just unlocks the sort of, some freedom, there's some freedom in it. And it's, as you're right, from early on it's like play, you know, to play and to be in touch with those feelings from when you were, Hopefully as a child, you're a happy, playful child.
Not everybody has those experiences, but if you can be in touch with that, and I'm sure some of that is innate, that there is a possibility, even if someone hasn't had a really happy childhood, that innately, we have that possibility. So to be able to, yeah, try and go there, just for a short while. There is a sense of freedom in that.
And, you know. That gives me great joy and yeah, work, working out how people think, yeah, through sometimes just in very simple interactions. I mean, I have to say some people absolutely hate anything that's out of the norm. And I have to take on board as [00:24:00] well. Yeah, I'll take my cloak off. Yeah, I take my cloak off.
But often there is a way that something, and it's trying to find out what that way is. It brings some joy or happiness to somebody, even a thought, like a little glimmer of something. It made me think of, how, how we, I'm going to use the word reframe, and I know they use it quite commonly these days. And there's something my mum taught me about, because she was a teacher, and she used to say, you know, if there was a child in the class that was being really, behaving in a way that's not acceptable necessarily in a classroom, but it might be acceptable somewhere else.
If a child, for example, is throwing bits of paper randomly across the classroom in a kind of aggressive way, then my mum would be thinking, well, but you know, this isn't, how's that going to work? And then she said, well, actually, if I reframed it, and I held the bin, and I said, [00:25:00] up in the classroom. And I got the child, and I'd say to that child, Oh, you nearly, you nearly got it in the bin.
She said it took all the, all the pressure off that child who was really going down a path and not really knowing where they were going. It took the pressure off herself thinking I've got to sort this child out and get them to conform. But if you reframed the whole thing and got the bin and got them to play the game of getting that screwed up bit of paper and aiming for the bin, then took all the pressure off and everyone was kind of laughing at the end of that session.
And a lot of. I think sometimes the magic is doing as well. It's reframing problems and things that are happening to the people, so they can see it in a different light. So it's perception. Yeah. And I suppose that's the other thing that's really important to me, is perception of people. How people are seen, is one of my challenges in life, I think, that people assume so much.
They assume so much about people from what they see. [00:26:00] And I've done it myself. But to question those perceptions and to support people to question them and to support, then I think of the bike project. Because it's been an important part of my life. It's in the bike project as well. So perception to people is tremendously important to me that everyone can be seen as able to give in some way to the community.
Because that's, that's how it is. That is what's happening for everybody and anybody in this world. Everybody's got something to give. Some people aren't, they don't see it in other people, and I think that's very sad.
Yeah, that's going down another avenue, that one.
Mel: But it's such an important one, right? Because it's through these things, this play, this, you know, that we get to purpose, right? Yeah. Which is, is the topic that you're mentioning, right? It is, play [00:27:00] is fun in and of itself, and we can play just for the sake of play, and play is there also for purpose.
Right. Whether that's to help us find our purpose or help someone else or to give permission to someone else to, to have a bit of fun and to come out of their shell a little bit, you know? Yes.
Ruth: Yes. Yeah. And I think the tools that are used, you know, range from, using, well, using all our senses, I suppose.
to show people how everybody can engage in one way or another with their community. Yeah. One of the things I did want to say is that, uh, about the bike project, really, and there's, people won't know about You Can Bike too, but there's been an important part of my life over the last 20 or probably about 28, 20?
Anyway, wrong time and [00:28:00] the bike project. You can bike to, and yourself and the team of people, we worked together with some adults with learning difficulties who wanted to be able to cycle, everybody else. And the young man who wouldn't normally be able to cycle on the road because of his learning difficulties was then able to build a project with bikes in order to fit.
other people to be able to cycle, including himself. And I think one of the best bits of the bike project was the fact that they, the group of people that worked together to make that project happen with a team of people with learning difficulties who were given to their community when they had in most of their life been, had things given to them.
And the fact that they were given a facility for other people to use with and without learning difficulties was an amazing achievement. So. [00:29:00] But that, yeah, the big purpose behind the bike project for me was one that was challenging perceptions. Yeah. And challenging the perception of a bike. Because you get bikes where you can put wheelchairs on the front.
You get bikes where you can, uh, bike side by side with somebody and cycles. I don't know, we had 24, 25 different bikes at the Pro Bike Project. But it's the quirkiness of it. So we spread that message through the quirkiness and the magic of the bikes. Thanks. But it was a huge message for other people beyond the bike.
Mel: Yeah. I think you, you know, that challenging perception thing ties into the whole theme of everything. You know, when I think about everything you've just told me throughout this whole conversation, that's what you do through wearing a cape too. It's challenging someone's perception of you or perception of them and their idea of play.
It's challenging perceptions, like you say, at the You Can Bike Too [00:30:00] project and the many projects we did of what people are capable of and not capable
Ruth: of. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And making things kind of happen, I suppose. It's like something to, it's worth something to happen. And recently, my family had a festival.
And I was, first of all, I was thinking, oh, I have to organise this. And I thought, but actually, then I start to think, oh, actually, this is gonna be quite exciting, because I, I've got the reins of this, because everybody else is so blooming busy. And they were only too keen for me to take the reins. And I loved every single minute of organising that, you know, three days of fun with the family.
Mel: Okay, give us some
Ruth: examples. What, what did this festival consist of Ruth? Well, we had, we had to have a theme. So we had a pirate theme. Yeah, of course, of course, like, why not? I mean, I have to point out that sea shanties run, my husband can sing sea shanties, so that's always helpful. But so there was a pirate themed [00:31:00] weekend, but that involved a big pirate barbecue in our garden, which involved just getting some old boards and making a bit of a stage.
And playing, we had a, one of my nieces made this massive painting of a pirate and she'd got a massive, another big picture of a, a pirate patch and so we did, you know, the blindfold where you had to then try and pin the pirate's patch on to the pirate. Uh, and we, we did, the children, the little children, they learnt pirate songs so they had that sort of entertainment.
And we also went on a boat in Ely, and we hired the boat, where we all went up into Ely all dressed as pirates. Nobody seemed to mind, I have to say, whether the genetic kind of, you know, thing about pirates is in the blood, I don't know. But they were keen to also dress as pirates. So we walked through Ely dressed as pirates, went down to the river, had a boat trip.
It was the most beautiful weather. And then it, [00:32:00] What did we do else? What else did we do? Oh, we went on, crab fishing in Cromer, because that's like by the seaside. So that's kind of pirate related, loose connection. And then we went very loose connection because I don't think pirates had llamas or alpacas.
So we were still dressed as pirates walking alpacas in Cromer, near Cromer, which is on the and it was kind of like, just that these things that were happening were As a family to be able to sort of celebrate things together. And interestingly enough, yesterday, my granddaughter said to me, Grandma, I just want to tell you, there are things that I don't like.
I don't like unicorns anymore. And I don't like pink and I don't like dolls. She's eight. I don't like dolls. I don't like dresses. I said, Oh, that's interesting. What do you like? And the first thing she said was pirates. Brilliant.
What I do is pirates, [00:33:00] and I like dots, and I like trousers, and I like dinosaurs. But I did notice that pirates was top of the list. It made me Brilliant. on board. Yeah. It runs in the family, the pirate theme. But having organised that, it was like really successful. Everybody had a great time and so did I in the organizing of it and seeing everyone having so much fun and just going with everyone contributed actually, because everyone contributed barbecue, either a game or a song or something.
Yeah, that was brilliant. I'm still enjoying those kind of like outlets. I don't really have an outlet like work wise. So I have to find my fun somewhere.
Mel: Brilliant. I love it. Yeah. And you often have those like physical. Representations of that fun and that play and that magic, you know I know you have some with you [00:34:00] that like these. So tell us what you're holding right there because I recognize that as the exact one that I remember as well. No,
Ruth: I'm really surprised the battery still works.
It's a wand. It was from Tesco's in the supermarket here. And it was less than a pound. I bought two, one of them's died, this one still exists and it has a little red sparkle when you press the button. I have to hide it for my grandchildren though because it has to come out on special occasions otherwise the battery would be no more.
But it's still, well it's, I suppose it's not too long till Halloween, it'll be out again. But yes, it is, uh, one of those, surprising how often you need a wand in life. It is, it is, exactly.
I do have a little headdress, which I guess reminds me, it's a headdress with stars on, which I like to wear every now and again, not very often, it's quite a new one. [00:35:00] In fact, I'm going to take it off. One of my problems at the moment now is that I've got five or six boxes of dressing up clothes in my bedroom.
I keep on thinking, what am I going to do with them? Because. You know, it's kind of the getting bigger I never throw any dressing up clothes away because they might come in useful and they do, but it seems to be.
Mel: But I love that, you know, my kids have a dress up box in there. And to be fair, there are some things that belong to me in there as well. But I love that it's you know, us, us adults can do it as well. And it might look differently for each person. You might not feel comfortable wearing a pirate hat or a cape walking through town.
One, I would challenge that comfort isn't what we're going for. So is it stretch zone or red zone to do it? But also, it might be more, stretch zone might be like, I'm gonna, I can't even think of an example right now. What's a smaller example of how we can bring [00:36:00] magic into our life?
Ruth: I guess, I mean, even during lockdown, uh, one of the things that, obviously, I didn't have the people around me to help me.
I'm just going to take my cloak off, like you do. And I didn't have people around me to be able to sort of bounce off. And one of the reasons we walk through Ely, I mean, if you're a group, it takes the pressure off. If you're on your own, it's a lot harder. And another thing, I'm not sure that I would walk into Ely with a pink coat on.
cloak on my own, unless I was going to a, I don't know, an ABBA concert or something. But in lockdown, one of the things that I did, and it was a bit of a challenge for me, was to put, and it doesn't sound very kind of exciting, but it was actually put on clothes that are in my wardrobe that I never wear.
There are clothes in there that I really like, but I never wear, and they include dresses, because I never wear dresses. I've got a dress, I've got a dress with mermaids on. Now, I love it. I think I've worn, I've worn it about twice. [00:37:00] But during lockdown, I thought I've got, I've got permission to wear whatever I like and I wore something different every day.
And that was kind of sense of kind of fun and freedom, which doesn't, it doesn't sound very exciting, but it was enough at the time to make me feel, Oh, actually, this makes me feel different. Again, it's to do with clothing and it makes you feel different if you'll put something on that you wouldn't normally wear.
So it doesn't have to be anything outrageous, doesn't have to be a pirate hat. But maybe it's something you really that is in your wardrobe. Thank you. And you only ever wear it for best. I'll tell you what, get up in the morning, put it on. You know, just put it on. And you'd be surprised how it makes you feel.
It's something you've chosen. And it does change the way you approach a day sometimes, or how you are about a day. Having, yeah, putting yourself in that little zone where it's a little bit exciting. Yeah, yeah. Something simple.
Mel: I love that. And such a good example, [00:38:00] uh, for the listeners to just think, like, where can magic fit in your life?
Where does it already? Because it likely does somewhere. It might look a little, it will look differently for everybody. And where can you bring that in? Like, where is life just a little too serious? So for example, this morning, I'm on, I'm on day two of this, so I'm hoping to keep the habit, but mornings in our house as a mother of a nine and a six year old are horrible.
Like when you have to go to school anyways, the weekends are great, but you know, getting them to move at the pace that I need them to move at in order to get the out the door to the school at the right time, et cetera, et cetera, is really, really stressful for every parent I've ever met. Had a conversation with who's responsible for that part of the day.
And I was finding that I was super grumpy, then they were super grumpy. And I was like, I I need to break this habit somehow. We need to change something. So what did you do? I was like, just started researching at first, just like ideas [00:39:00] for morning that like meet the kid's needs and, you know, et cetera.
And then eventually it got to this point where I was like, Hey, connection is what is missing. Right? Connection. Connected mode. Because usually I'm like, book the lights on, time to get up, I'm out the door, walking the dog, coming back, I expect you to be at the table, you know, et cetera, et cetera. But now we've, I'm like, Hey, I'm giving them 10 minutes extra.
I'm going to wake him up 10 minutes earlier, which was hard for me. Cause I'm a don't wake a sleeping baby kind of person. Right. But I was like 10 minutes early and I lay there with them or next to them or near them or in the room and Hey, it's it's time to get up. And then I, I printed out this deck of cards that I got off this website which is.
Full of amazing resources, actually, that you can pay a little membership for, but they're these, each card has a yoga pose on it with a kid friendly kind of name.
Ruth: Yeah, yeah.
Mel: So the frog pose, for example, and then it'll have a short [00:40:00] affirmation on the top my brain is, uh, I can't remember what that one was now.
There was something about the brain this morning, or I can do hard things, or whatever. Just really simple affirmations. And the idea is each of them picked two cards and we would do them together. So that's your connection moment, right? I'm like, okay, let's like, you know, you're doing an airplane, you're like falling over.
And I was like, hey, try again. I'm going to try to push you. And you start to add in the like, And then I'm like, No, the purpose of this is to get us like feeling connected, feeling together. And the play helps. Right. And they're always giggling by the end. And I am too. It's not one way. That's the thing.
And then
Ruth: of course, the next bit seems relatively easy.
Mel: How much easier? We have a list. I'm like, okay, now I need you to go check your list. What do you need? What do you need to do next? And it's just so much easier. The
Ruth: bottom layer, isn't it? The bottom layer is just being made. You've got it off the ground.
Now we were
Mel: [00:41:00] five minutes late today instead of 15, so I take that as a good sign.
Ruth: Absolutely, absolutely. And it's not going to work every time. And it's
Mel: not going to work every time, and it might be that I have to find it, but the concept will likely work every time, or be close to it. We'll feel better whether we're on time or not.
Ruth: Right. Might just get your children's clothes on the night before, before when they go to bed. They go to bed in their clothes. Bloody brilliant. Yeah. That's good.
Mel: When I really need to get out of the door, I have been known to do that and, or, uh, make breakfast that they can just eat in the car. So actually you literally just get dressed, walk down the stairs and go outside.
That's good. You're off. I did so much. You're lucky you brushed your teeth.
Ruth: Don't get dressed. They have to go in their pyjamas. That's why I said to them, I remember saying, I'd go to school in your pyjama then. That's fine with me. Yeah, totally. Totally. Once I got to that, also it was like the, the fight was over.
They just went and got changed. It's like the, as if it was a battle, you know, they'd lost. But how can we
Mel: make it less of [00:42:00] a battle? I think that's the question, right? Like, how is it more of a game than a battle? Like even chore charts, I can't remember if I had it there. I think I did. So Ikea, I don't know if they have it anymore.
Used to sell this Wheel of Fortune type spinning wheel, and you spin it. I think you had one too at one point. So we still have one. And the way that we use it, yeah, maybe. It might be. I don't know. But the way that we've been using it lately, and my son even asked for it the other day, that goes to show you, is with chores, right?
So you have a job. So you basically, I write a list with the numbers, there's a number on each section, and whichever number you get to, you have to, you have 20 minutes to go do that chore, because some of them are too big, you're not going to get them done in 20 minutes. I need one for my husband. Yeah, totally.
And it's fun. And sometimes number 10 might be have a cup of tea, or like a kid version of that, right? [00:43:00] You get a break, and it's oh, I got number 10. And
Ruth: you can do it for
Mel: three or four rounds, and then they get a bit bored. But it's still
Ruth: I just need a spinning wheel with a little thing on the end.
Yeah. Yeah, because we're using lots of different occasions. Yeah, I've missed having something like that in my life. Yeah, that's a really good game thing, because you can change them as well, can't you? You change it when? Yep. One week we'll just change it and do something else.
Mel: Exactly. And I can't say that we do it every week or not, but that just shows you my house skills, house cleaning skills more than anything else.
If I was cleaning every week with my kids, that's what it would look like, but
Ruth: Yeah, maybe the balance of things on the wheel has to be kind of looked at to see what it is.
Mel: Totally. Amazing. Okay, Ruth, we're going to start to wind down, but I wonder if there's anything else that you really wanted to share with people about this kind of whole concept that we haven't [00:44:00] spoken about yet.
Ruth: One of the main things I want to get across, and you've also got it across, is about perception, and that runs through my life, and really important. And I also wanted to think about how, How does it manifest itself now? And I was thinking one of the ways it does manifest itself, that sort of look and the way I look at things, is even down to, if I see a piece of furniture, I don't see it as it is necessarily, I see it as something else.
So last week I bought a stool from a charity shop, because I like the look of the stool, but it's not a stool, it's now got plant on it, it's got a plant on it, and, and there's a, I've got, I saw something else, it was probably, I don't know, six months ago, was It's like a window made of wood, very old fashioned window, and someone had put glass in it, so it's a mirror.
So it looks like a window, it was a window, it's got a little hook on it for where you'd open the window, but it's, it's a mirror, so that's on the wall. I thought actually a lot of the things that I [00:45:00] buy have got like a, like a double meaning, or double meaning to things. It's like a stool, but it's not a stool, it's a plant pot.
It's a window, but it's not, it's a mirror. And it made me harp back to when I was at school, the one art lesson I remember was Getting two pages out of a magazine of faces and cutting them into strips and putting them alternately, alternately. And then whichever way you looked at the picture, you saw one person, but you turned it the other way and you saw the other person.
And I thought, actually, it even goes back down to looking at how you look at things. You turn it around and you see something else. You see the other person on the other side of something. And that's, I think, my kind of one of my messages is. It's seeing perceptions and seeing different things out of the box.
It's a way of thinking is challenging perceptions and my own as well, because I know we all have our, [00:46:00] well, we'll get stuck sometimes in thinking certain things, judging a book by its cover and not really thinking beyond that. So yeah, my main message would be to think twice, maybe think twice about abilities and perceptions.
Mel: Beautiful. I love that. So much. Yeah. Okay. As tempted as I am to go like for an hour longer with you. Go on. You have something you want to do. Oh, she's got her button ready, everybody. Just letting you know, she's now holding a red button that has been a large theme in our lives.
Ruth: You know what? Because originally when you first asked me, I was really nervous about doing this.
And then I thought to myself, why am I nervous? Why am I saying no? And I thought, no, I'll say yes. Maybe I shouldn't be so nervous. What am I nervous about? I'm only talking about, you know, this, that, and the other. And as you said, it's just a conversation. So I'd like to end my little bit by saying, that [00:47:00] was easy.
Mel: And perhaps we all need a, that was easy button sitting right next to us on our desk. You know, I got rid of my one when I purged and we moved across the world and I miss it.
Ruth: It was just from a news agent. It's just selling papers and pens and things. And that was a, that was easy button. Yeah. Uh, yeah, hang on to mine.
That's, yeah, thank you. That was absolutely easy to be able to talk to you. Thank you so
Mel: much for joining. It's always easy to talk to you, Ruth. Again, I could literally go on, we could go on for ages. Except you'd fall asleep because it's bedtime in your world. I'm
Ruth: buzzing. I've had a busy day and I'm still buzzing.
Having got the tools of the magic out, it's what's happening next?
Mel: Yeah. And those, you know, those tools are the key. Sometimes the magic, you know, externalizing it like that is a really helpful way [00:48:00] to use it, right? Because it's hard when it's just like inside of us and we think we have to be this like magical person in some ways, but actually it's the tiny, it's those tiny things, you know, like the courage club thing that I did recently, having the little sign when you walk in or the little like letter that leads them and encourages them what to do, or, you know, it's the little,
Ruth: it's
Mel: energy.
Ruth: It just gives it, somehow it just gives it. Yeah. Interesting, isn't it? There's something, it's blimmy wand, it's a little sparkle thing from Tesco's and just a button from a newsagent. It gives something to everybody, well not everybody, because there are some people who really hate it, but on the whole, I think, yeah, we just like a And
Mel: honestly, I challenge the people that claim they hate it, that actually it just makes them a bit nervous.
And that's okay too.
Ruth: Well, that's, that's absolutely right, Mel. Yeah. Yeah. We'll go with that. Yeah. Definitely.
Mel: All right. Thanks, Ruth. Thank you, Mel.
If you live on Vancouver [00:49:00] Island, then listen up. This is for you. And if you don't, still listen up because it may well eventually be for you. I have started The Courage Club. It is up and running right now with our founding members and it will be launching for real in January of 2025. And it is a space for women to meet new people local in their area you And try new things, build up that courage muscle, take fear along for the ride, and have some fun together.
And if that seems like something that you are craving, that space to get out and do things that you might not otherwise do on your own, but that you do want to do, then You can do it with the Courage Club. Now, courage shows up in many forms. Sure, there's the physical ones that we all think of, but there's also social and there's emotional courage, and there's so many [00:50:00] ways that we can show it.
So you will have an opportunity to decide how you going to do your acts of courage. Head on over to Permission to Be human.ca/the Courage Club and get your name on the waiting list so that you can hear all about it as and when it comes up.
That is it, folks. This has been Mel Findlater on Permission to Be Human, the podcast, and I am so glad that you have joined us here today and hope that you have taken away some tidbits that will help you go away, connect with your big audacious dream, and make that massive impact in the world that you are dying to make.
If you liked today's episode, please, please, please like it, share it. Think of one person. Think of one person that you think would also like it and send it on over to them. Let's get this out there and more moms feeling like themselves. Inspired, [00:51:00] dreaming big, and out there being them. Please do head on over to find me on Facebook with permission to be human or Instagram or you can even Off me an email and say hello.
Have permission to be human, always, at gmail. com. Say hello and let me know that you listened. What did you like about it? I would love to hear. If you didn't like it, I don't really want to know. Ha ha, just kidding, you can share that if you want. I would love to know, however, who you are. Let's connect.
Let's find out what you want more of. I want to hear from you and I want to make it what would be useful to you. As always, remember that you have permission to dream big, permission to feel big, and permission to be you. You have complete and full permission to be human.
For [00:52:00] real, you do.
