Episode 80 - Learnings from 8 hours alone in the wild

October 22, 2024

In this episode of 'Permission to Be Human,' host Mel Findlater takes listeners on a journey of self-discovery and courage. Mel recaps her transformative 8-hour solo experience in the wilderness, shifts in perspectives from fearing wildlife to human encounters, and the concept of building a 'courage muscle.' She shares profound realizations about the harmony of nature versus the perceived chaos of humans. Mel introduces The Courage Club, a supportive community for women launching in January 2025, encouraging listeners to join and engage with the show's message of dreaming big and being unapologetically themselves. Highlights include Mel's preparation for a 24-hour solo challenge, the benefits of disconnecting from technology, and the importance of connecting with nature to overcome fears.

Connect with Mel:

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend who might need a dose of courage. Let’s spread the word and help more moms feel inspired to pursue their big, audacious dreams!

Remember: You have permission to dream big, to feel deeply, and to be authentically you. Embrace your humanity and live courageously.

And if courage is the muscle that you are craving to grow. If doing it while laughing and trying new things with others is what you need. Then check out The Courage Club (currently on Vancouver Island). Join the waitlist for our Jan launch! https://www.permissiontobehuman.ca/thecourageclub

Episode Transcript

What 8 hours alone in the wild taught me
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[00:00:00] Welcome to Permission to be Human, the podcast. I'm your host Mel Findlater, mother, coach, and curator of Permission to be Human, the company and community. If you're a mom, know a mom, or want to be a mom, and you crave getting out in the world to make a difference, then you're in the right place. This is a space for moms like you to connect with yourself, your purpose, and your big audacious dreams.

Because when you feel your best, you can better you, your family, and the wider world. Let's do this.

Hello? Hello everyone. You've got me today and just me. Here to tell you a little bit about an experience that I had recently, an act of courage, a challenge that I took on. For myself and the interesting things that I learned from it. [00:01:00] Basically, I went off into the trees near my house. 4 8, 8 and a half hours from eight 30 in the morning, basically until five o'clock at night, I was going to stay until it got dark, which was more like 6 30, 7. But honestly, I felt like why. I had what I needed at that point in time and I was ready to go home. So I went off into the trees.

Firstly, why the heck did I do this? And why maybe. If this is something that intrigues you, you might want to. Well, I'm actually doing a challenge this coming weekend, which I will have completed by the time this podcast comes out. So I will do an episode on it as well, but. I'm going to be spending 24 hours alone in the wilderness. With the collective support of the group that I am part of called the fire within.

And we're having kind of a rate of pet. Right of passage in taking this time [00:02:00] solo in the wild quote, unquote is actually on someone's land. So it's, you know, kind of a sheltered wild. But it's like 40 acres, right? So there's space where I'll be able to go by myself and, you know, not really interact with other people.

And I'm going out there and I. Have to say. So I live on Vancouver island in Canada and I grew up on the mainland near Vancouver are much more of a city type girl, small, small city. And. I then I came over to Vancouver island and went to the university of Victoria and, you know, loved, loved it there, but didn't really have a car.

So I didn't spend a lot of time in wilderness. Then I went to the UK and lived there for 14 years. Now, the UK is a whole nother type of neck nature. Right? You don't have these evergreen forests. That are, you know, some of them like hundreds of years old. You have instead. You know, I lived in [00:03:00] the fence. Which is basically a flat land that they drained to be land, uh, very flat, not, not very hilly, not a lot of trees.

You could drive about an hour and a half and get to the ocean and have some. Beaches as well, but not being able to see anyone was actually really challenging. So then I had gotten into sleeping out. I even had my little girl at the time we went wild camping and would sleep outside. It's first in the backyard and then elsewhere, just in a bivy, which is basically means you sleep in your sleeping bag with a little like waterproof thing over top of it. So that the dude doesn't get you. And I was like, happy as could be.

That was a great, like first step act of courage for me. Well, there was multiple steps before that, but, you know, A step. Because there's no predators. There. Right. So maybe a deer might stiff my head or a hedgehog might like wiggle its way [00:04:00] along or a Badger. Right. There's no, um, I felt safe. I felt safe in that environment. And then we moved back to Vancouver island and I suddenly realized, and this was like height of COVID.

So anxiety was already peaking anyways. And it really showed up in the fact that there are cougars and bears potentially in the trees, literally across the street from where I'm looking right now. And they are there sometimes, you know, they're not there all the time, but they are there sometimes. And my nervous system says, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you talking about?

Like, you are not going to go out there. And I think, especially because I'm a mom, I've got that like mama bear mentality, I've got to protect. Um, and yeah, it was really a sign of the anxiety that I still. Um, held and still hold. So. That's kind of just a backstory. Really. Uh, [00:05:00] into how big a deal this was for me to just go out during the day. The idea is if I go out in the day from the morning to evening, then I get to practice and learn. You know, some stuff about myself before I try to go and do it for 24 hours.

Cause let's face it. The concept of having. Being by myself in the dark. In the wild is fricking terrifying. Right? And before I did this last week in the daytime, I was like, I honestly don't know if I could do it. I did come up with like safety plans. We have a space. We can go back to if we need to where the facilitators are. We actually have a warm lodge.

We can go to now, et cetera, but I. You know, I was, I was shitting myself. Let's be honest. And.

Yeah. So I needed to go out on this day and prove to myself that that was possible. So that's what I did. I got up, I helped get the kids ready for school. I asked my husband to [00:06:00] take them and I headed out the door and walked into the trees. I am so grateful and so honored to say that I can do that here.

Like I'm surrounded by these woods. And if I walk in for a while, that I'm highly unlikely to run into a person, especially during. Midweek. You know, it was a Wednesday. Uh, daytime. So. I packed my backpack. I got some warm stuff, something to sit on. I packed this hammock tent that I had purchased. That's like flat on the bottom, thinking that I was going to be using it for the overnight.

So I'd practice putting it up. Um, and I brought my, my knife along and no food, by the way I ate in the morning, I had a, like a protein shake and then I just facet for the rest of that day. And that actually helps me with the. Predator thing I have to say. I was wondering what my blood sugars would do, but they were fine and I felt so much better.

Cause I'm like, why would, uh, why would a. Animal want me, if [00:07:00] there's no food in my bag. Anyways. So I headed off and I walked for about two, two and a half hours. Stop being here and there. Um, to look around. Listen, I saying a lot and made all sorts of noises. And here's the thing I spent that first two and a half hours.

Literally lay listening to you every little sound that I heard and thinking, what is that? Great. Is it a predator? Is it a bear as in Cougar? Is it an Eagle? Is it a squirrel? You know, what does that sound? And it's also a fall or autumn for, for those countries that call it that. So actually there's a lot of like leaves falling out of the trees and the bits of wins.

So there's lots of little sounds. And, um, yeah, I spent that first two and a half hours feeling like that. And then eventually I got to this space in the woods. That was, there was a bluff. So basically that's like a very large rock. Uh, often with Moss and such on top. [00:08:00] Very, very common in the woods here. But it goes. You know, it's up a bit because it's on it.

Like a, it's a hill of rock, essentially. And I went up and sat on the first one. I was like, Ooh. My nervous system likes it up here. Which I think is fascinating, right? Like what are my instincts? Telling me that I'm somehow safe for a PI. And then, so I sat there, I read a book a little bit, um, and I just kind of let myself be, I looked around and I saw this. Massive our Buddhist tree.

Like I think it's probably like the grandmother over our Buddhists is now, if you don't know what on our Buddhist tree is, I highly recommend you go and Google it. They are such beautiful trees. They are my favorite thing of all times. They really feel like home when I'm near them. They're wiggly. And have this red bark that peels off. And, um, they're not. That's meant to [00:09:00] happen.

They're just absolutely stunning. With these kind of, um, I can't describe what the leaves are, but they're not sharp edge. They're like round edge leaves. And, uh, yeah, they're just really, really beautiful things. And they're often growing in like the weirdest of places that you think a tree shouldn't grow. So I saw this one, not too far away, but you know,

A little bit of a walkaway.

And I was like, that's where I need to go. So I picked up my stuff backpack back on. And wandered through these, like down the bluff, down through the woods a little bit, and then found this other bluff headed back up. And I was like, oh, there's the tree. There's the are Buddhists. And. It was. Stunning. Absolutely beautiful.

And I sat underneath it for, I don't even know how long, because I wasn't looking at a watch and I wasn't looking at my phone. But I sat there and just kind of looked at it for a while. I found a [00:10:00] little nook that I could kinda like lean against and, uh, you know, help my backout. And then. I pulled out my journal for a while and just kind of like. Sat there and reflected for a bit. And I was like, all right, I'm going to go and set up my tent now. You know, there's not really going to be like evergreens growing out of a rock, right.

A bluff. So I went down the bluff a bit and then right in here, right at the bottom, there is a couple of trees that were perfect for putting up a. Hammock. So I. Started doing that paused a bit decided I wanted to like go up and around to the other left to see what was on the other side. It's that little bit. Came back finished putting up the hammock tents, um, which is a little more than just hanging something off a tree because there's a few different hooks.

Cause it's meant to be like a flat bottom one.

Oh with like a tarp. And I laid in that for [00:11:00] awhile. Now, let me tell you, I didn't really like the flat hammock. I have to say, so I actually have gone out and got myself a, I can't find the one that I had for years. So I found it. I had my tent. That's more like a hammock that kind of like snuggles you on the bottom. Um, that has a mosquito net on it.

Isn't, they'll put a tarp above, but the one that I practiced on this day was flat. And I laid there wiggled around as I needed to for awhile. And I journaled and I just like close my eyes and listened and reflected. And started to think. About a couple of things. So the first is.

How we define the world word wild. Like what comes to mind when. I say wild. Right. And our culture and. Things like unsafe. Uh, out of. Like out of control. [00:12:00] They're generally things that like don't make you want it. Right. When we talk about wild, it's like scary. Stuff. Right. Even like a wild, if we're saying like a wild child, they're like out of control and there's a bit of freedom there.

So we do touch on that as well. But there is this kind of underlying element of. You know, the wilderness beans, scary. And I just kind of sat with that for awhile. And I started asking myself, knowing that our brains love questions and love being curious. I started asking myself the question. What if wild is safe?

And I again, would say it over and over again.

What if Wilde was safe? And, you know, these images kept coming, came to my mind. And of this, like, You know, a bear coming and noticing me and just being like, eh, Like, oh, or [00:13:00] like maybe curious. But not really like, you know, Coming. At be like, why would they. And.

Just, you know, this, this concept of wild beat. And a safe place for me. And it was really interesting. You know, once you ask yourself a question, there's a huge trick for you, by the way, if I had just done like an affirmation of some sort and said wildest, safe while to save my brains, Claire would know it ate.

It is not. I have years of programming telling me that you are wrong, right. However. If I say, what if wild is safe? My brain goes oh, interesting. And it starts imagining it. Is starch imagining wild, being safe and suddenly my body is going, oh, I'm safe. Interesting. Right because our brains also don't know the difference between reality and imagination. So I'm sitting there and starting to finally feel like I'm safe.

And then I start [00:14:00] reflecting on this fact that. Wild is actually totally in control. If you think about it. Like, if you think about the way things grow and the way animals interact with each other. They are following way more laws. If you want to put it that way, then we are right there. Like I only eat what I need to eat.

I'm not going to go and kill every single thing I see. They're growing where they need to grow their resilience. They are. You know, living harmoniously together.

And that is kind of the opposite of what. Wild often means in our culture. And I was like, oh, that's so interesting. And I can, I would be like, what if wild was safe? What if wild? Was safe. And so I reflected and reflected, and then I came to this realization. So then like the second big realization. [00:15:00] It's like, huh? It's my ego.

It's a hundred percent ego. Talking when I say or think that.

Any animal that might fall upon me in these woods. Would it be at all interested in me. Why would they be, this is their home. I'm in their space. But they're not, you know, They don't just attack for the hell of it. Like they, they are, they're just living their lives. And now if I go and scare them, don't get me wrong.

Like if I jump out or like, try to steal their kid, they're gonna. They're going to protect themselves, but.

You know, it's, it's only ego that is saying. That any animal would give a crap that I'm even in there. Right. Like, why would they. It doesn't make any sense. So. That's kind of the key learnings that I had while I was out there. And they were like revolutionary in my mind, like the rest of the time I was out there, I felt so [00:16:00] much safer. And more curious. And if I had seen an animal.

Ideally from a distance, then I would have still had those little palpitations that you're going to get.

And I would've had this sense of curiosity, like, oh, I can handle myself in that. That time. Now here's the fascinating part. So, um, eventually I started walking back. And, uh, It was only like probably just after lunch. And once I had these realizations, I was kind of like almost bored. Like I was like, oh, now what do I do?

You know? And I had little stints of this throughout the day. I'd have kind of do something for an hour and then I'd be like, oh, I don't know what to do next. Um, instead of just being right, like that was a huge part of the practice as well as just learning to be. And, um, You know, I, I had my knife, I carve some wood, I did some stuff, but eventually I was like, eh, whatever. And then also I [00:17:00] realized like I wanted to be closer to home. As he called later in the day so that I knew, well, firstly, I totally forgot to bring, uh, a flashlight or a lantern or anything. So I was like, okay, I want to be where I know where I am and I'm safe.

Um, Because I know I can safely get back from there. So I wandered back through these things and I found this, uh, bluff humorously. I didn't find it. I knew where it was. So I aim to go up to this, knowing that I clearly, I enjoy Bluffs and I was up high and it was surrounded by this beautiful, like micro. Forest of. Our Buddhist trees, like little ones.

And I laid down on this bluff in the sun for, I don't even know how long. And fell asleep at one point. I don't think I was over very long, but I was dozing in and out. And I was kind of just being in more of a meditative state, I suppose. I read a book for a little while I [00:18:00] journaled for a little while I drew what I saw for a little while in a very doodle Lee type form. And. I felt safe. Right.

I felt like, oh, this is. Beautiful. I can do this. Like. But as I was walking by here's, here's the part I was getting to. I was walking back to that space and while I started to feel safe with nature. Suddenly that realization, that nature is, is more organized in many ways. Then, um, humans are. I actually started here fearing humans more, which has never been. What I did when I'm alone. Um, But I did have to walk through. Some land, which I happen to know is not private land, but has lots of signs claiming it is private land because I ATVs go through there. Um, but I had to go through there and like my mall, like, you know, my. My.

Nervous system is jittery again, but it wasn't [00:19:00] for animals.

And I almost laughed basically, right? Because I went from going into the wild fury and the animals to. Starting to move through and out of the wild fury and the humans. And while I would say that it was it. You know, a natural level of fear. There it is. It is an interesting one. Um, and, and I was fine and I made it through and I laid in that bluff and eventually I was like, I could lay out here for a couple more hours, you know, there's plenty that I could find for myself to do, but I kind of felt complete and, uh, wanted to be with my family to have dinner and just enjoy their company again.

So. I wandered back up. Out of the woods and into my house, to this beautiful family. And my husband had already known he was making dinner and he, you know, I didn't have to do a lot. And it was a nice transition back in to reality as well. So I just wanted to share what that was like for me. And like I said, I've got a [00:20:00] 24 hour one coming up.

It is not warm here and I will be cold that night. And there's a lot of, uh, You know, fear around that. In many people who are doing it. And I have a little bit of that more, just an uncomfortable kind of feeling, not really fear.

But I did this eight hours and I can't tell you how happy I am that I did.

It was absolutely exactly what I needed. And I would suggest that maybe you try it too. You don't have to go for eight hours. Maybe you just start and go. If you don't know what a sit spot is, like learn, look up or to sit spot is okay. There's. Lots of ways to like be in that space, but basically go find a space in nature and be with it. And I do lose one.

You can go back to in different seasons. Maybe it's a tree that you happen to like maybe it's. You know, sitting next to a lake or water, maybe it could be literally like in your backyard. But you notice it's [00:21:00] a practice of noticing while you're out there. And this is like an eight hours of noticing what I'm feeling, noticing what's around me. Whenever I was feeling quite anxious.

What I did do, my regulating practice was to notice what was around me and name some of the things that I saw as well as actually I like saying them because I figured that would keep the bears away. Um, And it just felt right. And yeah. So you can go and spend first 20 minutes. Then half an hour, then an hour, you know, and build, build it up. But I highly highly recommend giving it a go. You know, whatever your version of wild isn't, it can be less wild. At S at the beginning, right. It depends where you live, how wild you can get.

I would say it's a, it's a space of silence. Not necessarily that you have to be silenced, but you're not speaking to other people. Ideally, you can't see other people that's the ideal, but if you do just ignore them. Um, you [00:22:00] know, it's go out and see what happens because I feel like totally different afterwards.

And I'm actually, well, I'm still. Um, Both excited and scared for the weekend to come with the 24 hours. I.

I'm so intrigued by what I'm going to get out of having that time alone. And. You know, I'm, I've been starting up. We've got our initial founding members of the courage club for women. Uh, here on Vancouver island, which will eventually spread by the way. But I'm always talking about like, what acts of courage have you taken this week?

This month? Noticing the ones that you do. And also, what challenge are you putting in place for yourself? And this one has come exactly at the right time. For me. And, um, it's faster than I thought I would. I was like, I would say, like, I would not have chosen to do it in the fall when it's going to be cold, potentially raining. Like all these things [00:23:00] and.

It's getting me into doing it. You know, it's stretched me. It's not in my red zone. I'm not in. Like backup zone. I am in like full on stretch zone for sure. Um, you know, on the, on the outside of it too. Uh, but I'm good with that. I, because I've gotten done this eight hours. Alone in the wild. So I hope that was interesting to you.

Very much storytelling today. But I really think that, you know, there's something in the nature element of this, and there's also something in the being alone, part of this without a phone to distract us without. Technology, I would, I actually came away. One of the things I wrote in my journal was. You know, maybe once a week, I just have a day without tech. And how beautiful would that be? You know, maybe a weekend day, like just leave my phone at home. Right. It would be [00:24:00] it, that was a big part of it is getting over the temptation to go and look at something, but actually to just sit there and be. Right.

It was, that was probably one of the, one of the hardest. Parts and the most useful parts of what I did. So, you know, I challenge you, like, what's your challenge. What act of courage do you want to do in the next month or so? And could it be sometime alone? Could it be without technology? Could it be something in the wild. What is it? What is your act of courage that you want to take to get yourself? Building up that muscle. It doesn't mean you're not scared.

I was scared. Shitless. Let's be honest going in there. And I just took fear along. I just took it along. Right. I said, like I said, I wasn't in my red, I wasn't like in panic zone. But I said, okay, we're going to do this. Come on. Like put my arm around fear, shoulders and said, you can come along.

We're all [00:25:00] right. We can do this together. And, you know, whether it's any of these things I've mentioned, go out and practice an act of courage. Do it intentionally. And notice the ones that you've already done. Like step one, think about today or this week, and think about what act of courage have you done this week, because I guarantee you, you have done one. And that means you're building up your muscle. Courage is a muscle.

We just do teeny tiny little things. To convince our brain and show our brain that we can do the hard things. That it's okay. That we're afraid. Right. And the more we do that, then the, this slightly bigger and slightly bigger things. Become less scary because we know we've got this. Right. So notice the things. That you're already doing.

Notice your acts of courage and then think about what your challenge or your active for courage could be in the next month or two. All right. Thank you so much for listening in. I hope [00:26:00] it was helpful. And we'll be back to speak to you really soon.

If you live on Vancouver Island, then listen up. This is for you. And if you don't, still listen up because it may well eventually be for you. I have started The Courage Club. It is up and running right now with our founding members and it will be launching for real in January of 2025. And it is a space for women to meet new people local in their area you And try new things, build up that courage muscle, take fear along for the ride, and have some fun together.

And if that seems like something that you are craving, that space to get out and do things that you might not otherwise do on your own, but that you do want to do, then You can do it with the Courage Club. Now, courage shows up in many forms. [00:27:00] Sure, there's the physical ones that we all think of, but there's also social and there's emotional courage, and there's so many ways that we can show it.

So you will have an opportunity to decide how you going to do your acts of courage. Head on over to Permission to Be human.ca/the Courage Club and get your name on the waiting list so that you can hear all about it as and when it comes up.

That is it, folks. This has been Mel Findlater on Permission to Be Human, the podcast, and I am so glad that you have joined us here today and hope that you have taken away some tidbits that will help you go away, connect with your big audacious dream, and make that massive impact in the world that you are dying to make.

If you liked today's episode, please, please, please like it, share it. Think of one person. Think of one person that [00:28:00] you think would also like it and send it on over to them. Let's get this out there and more moms feeling like themselves. Inspired, dreaming big, and out there being them. Please do head on over to find me on Facebook with permission to be human or Instagram or you can even Off me an email and say hello.

Have permission to be human, always, at gmail. com. Say hello and let me know that you listened. What did you like about it? I would love to hear. If you didn't like it, I don't really want to know. Ha ha, just kidding, you can share that if you want. I would love to know, however, who you are. Let's connect.

Let's find out what you want more of. I want to hear from you and I want to make it what would be useful to you. As always, remember that you have permission to dream big, permission to [00:29:00] feel big, and permission to be you. You have complete and full permission to be human.

For real, you do.

Episode 80 - Learnings from 8 hours alone in the wild

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