the power of imperfect action
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Mel: Welcome to Permission to be Human, the podcast. I'm your host Mel Findlater mother, coach, and curator of Permission to be Human, the company and community. If you're a mom, know a mom, or want to be a mom, and you crave getting out in the world to make a difference, then you're in the right place. This is a space for moms like you to connect with yourself, your purpose, and your big audacious dreams.
Because when you feel your best, you can better you, your family, and the wider world. Let's do this.
So this podcast, all about story, right? Let's get to the actual detail of. Something that's happened. The ups, the downs, the wows, the, oh my goodness is right. So I figured [00:01:00] today.
So I figured today. I would tell you a story about me.
So I figured today, I will tell you a story about me. There's kind of some big things happen in my life right now. You see. I've had this dream for the last two years of. Starting some sort of courage club, something that. Brought people together. And got them to know each other. And built up those courage muscles that need those tiny little actions for us to do. You see way back when. In, I don't even know what the year was, maybe 2008. I used to work at a charity in England, where we helped a group of adults with learning disabilities to. Build up their confidence and to build up their life skills. What are the courses [00:02:00] was a confidence course, and we would do such amazing things with them.
Right? So each person would have an individual challenge. And we would support them to figure out what are the teeny tiny steps that would get them there. And you don't need to know all the steps at first. It's just, what's the next right. One. And then we'd have group challenges. Such as we had. Someone like a reptile person come in and bring this ginormous snake that laid across all of our laps, which was incredible. And a tarantula that you could hold, which by the way, if you hold it much off the ground and drop it, it will die.
So I'm not scared of it anymore. Not that much anyways. And I did hold it just a little bit off. Of the table. And we would do all these cool things and my colleagues, and I always said, how cool would it be to expand this course to enable. The rest of the people, the rest of us adults who are out there. Uh, [00:03:00] wanting to try new things and feel braver and more courageous and believe that we can do these hard things that come in our life. So we've been talking about that off and on for years, finding like fun ideas and ways to do it. And it just kind of like marinated in the background for awhile. And then in the last couple of years, I have been really starting to think about how I can do this now that I live in Canada. I don't have that group of people who know what I'm talking about. Anymore.
Not near me anyways. And. So I.
Have been thinking about it. Again, about two years, I would say. Like, what could I do? How could I bring that here? Who on earth would I get to do this? I don't know a whole ton of people here. How would I get people excited? How would I explain it? How much would I charge? Could I make money from, or is just a fun thing? Is it both like [00:04:00] all of these questions just spinning around my brain. Meanwhile, knowing that it fits so well into my value set of. Courage. Community.
And getting out and doing something playful, actually having fun.
And all of like, it fits all of those things. Right. And seeing possibility, being able to see into that dream land, into the world. In the future. So. I've been humming and hawing and how many at home and the story I've been telling people lately is that. Eventually. This is what I think happened. Right. And I'll go back to what actually happened, but eventually he got to this point where I was having a conversation one morning with the amazing Jenna. Um, Ponti Junka Jockas who was on the podcast recently talking about nature and what she's doing out in her business and the momentum that she's gaining.
[00:05:00] And I was so inspired that after we hung up the phone or. Zoom. I said, do you know what. Fuck it. I am. Doing something. What's the smallest thing I can do right now. I'm just going to write a post, stick it on the local Facebook group and see who sounds interested. And. I didn't know exactly what I was offering yet.
I didn't know what the cost would be, where it would be when it would be like any of the details. Right. I didn't think I would actually be starting it in the next month. And yet I posted it and there's 65 comments, and this is on a group that is actually.
Just my local, like village. Right. We're talking a hyper-local space. And I had a huge response saying, I need that. I just moved here. I need that. Or I'm a mom and I spent so much time on my kids. I just, I need, this is what I need. I need some time for me, [00:06:00] or I need some space to meet people. Or I'm just really feeling that desire to grow. And. I wrote this post on there, and I'm going to read you the post because. I think that might help you get an idea of the tone of voice that I was. Using in this right.
Okay. So here's what I wrote and what I want you to focus on. When you hear, this is how. Little detail I gave. How much, I didn't know. And just the tone of being a real person that I used.
So I wrote, I'm looking for growth minded woman who wants to build their courage muscle by trying new things together. I'm Mel. And I could list a bunch of credentials right now. To make myself feel worthy, but here's what you really need to know. I recently realized that I craved more fun in my life. I crave connection with other [00:07:00] women who want to grow as humans too.
And I crave having the belief encouraged to make my massive dreams happen. So I figure, build the community that I need the most, because I reckon a bunch of you need it too. Picture this working with a group of like-minded ladies to come up with a list of challenges that will stretch our comfort zones. Just a little bit. Then going to do them together. And perhaps doing some of them alone and reporting back for celebration. This is about stretching your comfort zone a tiny bit at a time. It's about playing and having fun again. It's about growing and learning while it's not taking life too seriously.
It's about invitations and reflection, not forcefulness. It's about feeling like you belong. And of course it's about connection and community because this is way more fun and way more likely to happen if we do it together. So, if any of the above speaks to you, DME. If you fancy playing playfully, trying new things with a group of local women. [00:08:00] DM me. If you're intrigued, but scared to DME.
Here's your first tiny challenge, DME. If you're still intrigued, but unsure, maybe getting to know me via permission to be human. The podcast will help first. We're going to build this thing together with my energy to move it along. Come along for the ride. As I create this new program with you together, we will figure out exactly what you need and crave and then make it happen. And to beat some of the anticipated questions we'll likely meet every two weeks until December and then reassess. When we will meet is to be decided with the group. There will be a reasonable cost to help pay for my time, as well as costs of any activities we may choose to. To do. And ha that have costs associated.
Many of them won't. As this is our first time and we're building it together. The cost will be significantly reduced.
Where we will meet is to be determined, but it'll be in the couch and valley. I can't wait to see what this becomes. And [00:09:00] that's it. 65 comments on that. Right. And had multiple people tell me that the reason they did comment and the reason they did send me a DM from there on Facebook is because of that phrase at the beginning, where I decided not to list to my credentials.
Right. Like. And perhaps as a listener, you're like, If you were reading that you might think the same, but. And I think I would too. Right. Because it made me personable. It showed me. People who I really am. And really, I literally am. I didn't make any of this up. I wasn't playing at being authentic. I was truly being authentic that I need this community. And so why not build it for myself?
So that leads me to this question of, have I been sitting on this idea for two years?
And then one day I just decided to put my courage pants on. And make a [00:10:00] post.
Or what have I been doing in those two years? I have definitely been marinading. I've been playing with the idea in my mind. But also starting to talk to people about it, to see. How they react and to see what lands and to see what questions they have.
And. At the beginning of the summer, if you listened to the podcast, when I went to Wales to do lectures,
You'll know all about it, but I went away. I flew across the world to find this community of people who were doing good in the world. And to find my community. And I went in thinking, you know, I had to answer the question, like, why am I here? And it's like, what do I want to do with this? A million times, it felt like it wasn't that many, it was a hundred percent event, but it was, it was quite a few times. And.
I kept answering. [00:11:00]
I want to build some sort of courage club. So that's a step. When I say I haven't done anything in two years, that's totally false. I've started talking to people about it. I've started iterating. How I talk to people about it each time I felt a little more confident. And actually I was talking to people who I knew wouldn't sign up.
Cause they're like across the world. Okay. So it was a perfect tiny step to take. So anyways, I'm at this event, I'm telling people this, and then my roommate. Who I only actually got to speak to like once. Says, huh? Like it sounds like if you don't have that community. Where you live, maybe you need to build your own community. And it just clicked in my brain.
I was actually feeling, I felt very frustrated. By that comment, because I was like, no, I'm doing the courage club. And then as I let it marinate for the rest of my summer or the rest of that month anyways, before I made this post. I started going, [00:12:00] oh, like they're the same thing. This is the community that I want to build.
Yeah, we'll get a bunch of do-gooders, but it's also this community of women who are growth minded and who want to. Get out there and grow and make a difference in their lives. And with that will come. You know, doing good outside of that as well.
So that's where I got to and I said, oh, okay. And, and it's built up to this moment.
I've been marinating the idea, which means, you know, every once in a while I'm massaging it. And it's okay. That it's taken that long. It's so tempting for me to say imperfect action is the way to go. As soon as you have the idea, go and put it out there. Well, I've done that. I've done that quite a few times before.
And actually then I just get into kind of fear mode or I start to question. What it is that I put out because I get excited about it. And then maybe three days later, I'm not as excited. So actually for me, marinating on it for a little while, maybe it didn't need to be two [00:13:00] years, but Hey, like maybe that's exactly the amount of time I needed. It's allowed me to kind of massage it along the way. And figure out what's intriguing to me. And it's really helped with my fear.
I don't tend to fear. Failure. I tend to fear success in that. What have, I don't want to, what if I, this is so successful and then I don't want to do it anymore. What do I do then? All right. And that stops me getting to action as crazy as that sounds, but this method has helped me go. Whoa. Well, I know for sure that I'm still thinking about this two years later, so there must be something about it. And had this amazing conversation the other day with, um, someone who will be on the podcast really soon.
In fact she, no, she was already on it with, with. No, it wasn't. It was Sam. Sam will be on the podcast really soon. And actually it was once we hung kind of hung up, [00:14:00] I had noticed something that she said, and she was talking about this concept of pushing versus pulling. And is an idea. Something that you're pushing along and it feels heavy and it's hard work. Or is there something that is actually like, just keeps pulling you towards it? And this idea, this, this courage club thing for me is about. It has been pulling me all along.
I refuse to push it. I didn't make myself push. I could have. I pushed many other things along the way. I kept getting pulled by this one. Thought, and this is one idea. And finally I've given into that pole and allow it to keep me pulling. And sure I can dream and I can, I can visualize now a million different ways.
This could go to take over the world. Right. And. It's okay. If it doesn't happen exactly like that. It's okay. If it looks a little different.
And the.
Permission that I've given my, [00:15:00] given myself to dream. Of all of this is what has gotten it to this point. Some might say, you know, you've. I've manifested it because I started to notice the things that I needed to notice. Along the way, right. I've started to notice. The people who. Are needing it. I started to notice where the word courage is used and how many books it's in.
And I've started to notice. I started to notice. Right. How all the puzzle pieces have fit together. And we've got to this point. So.
I think my point for you and sharing this story. Is. That you have a dream somewhere in there and perhaps you've been. You know, whispering. Whispering it in the back of your mind. Or perhaps you've talked about it for awhile. And I invite you to ask yourself, Are you pushing it? Or are you noticing the pole? And with that [00:16:00] pole.
What else can you notice? And what tiny little action can you take? When I posted on this Facebook group, I did not expect. To actually start doing it, which I have, by the way, I think I missed that part of my story. Last week, we did the first session, the first session of the courage club with. Five woman plus myself, and I've never laughed so hard in my life.
I was like ugly crying and it was glorious and wonderful and I felt purposeful and connected and like I was having fun and all of the things that I dreamed of it being.
And like I said, I didn't know. How that would go. The couple of days before I was like, oh my gosh, we need more people. What am I going to do? Who are these people? What kind of thing are they expecting from me? Because I haven't given them a lot of information and, you know, Just all up in my head. And in the end, I focused on, um, the design elements and made some really pretty, pretty things to go in which I'm going to talk about on [00:17:00] another. Episode more specifically, but I tried to make it magical and that kind of got me out of my head and into no matter what, this is going to be fun for me. And then it was so, so fun. So I leave you with this.
What is that little whisper of a dream? That you've been marinating.
Are you happy in that space? Do you want to keep marinating? What's the next little tiny question. That you have for yourself. What's the next little step? Is it speaking to someone about it? Or is it. Like checking out a venue you've always wanted to see or go into an event that's kind of similar that might inspire you.
Right. There's always a tiny little step that you can take just to help. Your brain, turn it over a little bit more. And then eventually get to the point where, you know, you can take imperfect action. You do not need to know every single thing about what you're going to do before you put it out there in the world. [00:18:00]
And I've been told that if I had. Some of these people might not have shown up. Right. If I had that perfect sales page right away. That wasn't as attractive to them. So. B you, what I've heard that looks like for you? It doesn't have to be a Facebook post though. You know what that may well work for you too. But what are the teeny tiny steps that you can take towards that dream?
Cause your dream matters so, so much. And build up your courage. Courage is built one little step at a time. Right. We don't have to jump off the highest diving board. To have courage. We might just like. Jump off the little step outside. And then the next one and the next one. And then all of a sudden, a bunch of stuff has happened and you didn't even remember. I like working that hard for it. Right. So.
I leave you with that.
Thank you for listening [00:19:00] to my story. Sometimes it's weird for me to talk about myself on here. As funny as that is, I know my podcast. But I love interviewing other people and hearing their stories. And. You know, I thought this was a really important one to share it. You're definitely going to hear more about the courage club as we go. I do envision eventually having an, uh, virtual version of this, though.
I do love the in-person stuff that we'll have to figure out how to tie that in as well. But. You know, the key thing here is just thinks. Thanks for listening and I will. Speak to you very soon.
Mel: You know when you have that dream or that idea and you hold it really tight and you don't really want to share it with anyone until you have it just right until you are absolutely assured that it is exactly what you want it to be but you also know deep down inside that it is unlikely to [00:20:00] get perfect it is unlikely to get to exactly where you want it to be unless you share it with others.
It's when we share it with other people that we get the energy and the momentum. It is when we get feedback. It is when we start to iterate inside of our own minds. We need to get it out of our bodies and into the world in some sort of way. And talking to someone who will cheer you on is exactly The first step.
Now, if you can't think of anybody in your life that you would love to share your dream with in this raw stage where you're not gonna get the words right and you're worried that they're gonna come back to you and be, yeah, but, or ooh, what if? Don't share with those people. If you can't think of who to share it with, then I want to be that person for you.
Totally complimentary, I am launching the Dream Haven and it is a simple [00:21:00] message back and forth concept where you tell me your dream and I cheer you on and tell you exactly how amazing I think it is. I can be that safe space for you and your dreams to grow into whatever they're going to grow. It's going to grow.
totally complimentary. It remains your dream, not mine. And I would absolutely love and be honored by being that person who gets to hear it first. So head on over to permissiontobehuman. ca slash the dash dream dash haven. And let's get this going. Because your dream deserves to be out there in the world.
It could be a project. It could be a business. It could be the change that you really want to see in the world. It could be an adventure that you really want to go on. You got this. Let's hear about it. Again, all you have to do is head on over to permissiontobehuman. ca slash the dash dream dash haven [00:22:00] and put your details in and you'll get a video personalized back from me inviting you to take our next step.
That is it, folks. This has been Mel Findlater on Permission to Be Human, the podcast, and I am so glad that you have joined us here today and hope that you have taken away some tidbits that will help you go away, connect with your big audacious dream, and make that massive impact in the world that you are dying to make.
If you liked today's episode, please, please, please like it, share it. Think of one person. Think of one person that you think would also like it and send it on over to them. Let's get this out there and more moms feeling like themselves. Inspired, dreaming big, and out there being them. Please do head on over to find me on Facebook with permission to [00:23:00] be human or Instagram or you can even Off me an email and say hello.
Have permission to be human, always, at gmail. com. Say hello and let me know that you listened. What did you like about it? I would love to hear. If you didn't like it, I don't really want to know. Ha ha, just kidding, you can share that if you want. I would love to know, however, who you are. Let's connect.
Let's find out what you want more of. I want to hear from you and I want to make it what would be useful to you. As always, remember that you have permission to dream big, permission to feel big, and permission to be you. You have complete and full permission to be human.
For real, you do.
