Episode 70 Carrie from Heart to Heart
===
[00:00:00] Welcome to Permission to be Human, the podcast. I'm your host Mel Findlater, mother, coach, and curator of Permission to be Human, the company and community. If you're a mom, know a mom, or want to be a mom, and you crave getting out in the world to make a difference, then you're in the right place. This is a space for moms like you to connect with yourself, your purpose, and your big audacious dreams.
Because when you feel your best, you can better you, your family, and the wider world. Let's do this.
We have Carrie Lingenfelter today. She's a former elementary educator, early childhood interventionists, speech therapist, and mother of two. She's passionate about living life fully. Raising our children to be the best versions of themselves. And connecting to other parents going through this season of life. She [00:01:00] mentors parents in how to connect with their children. Parent from their hearts and better support their gifted spirited and highly sensitive children. I know that I absolutely loved this conversation with Carrie. And am really enjoying her new podcast, heart to heart.
And I'm really excited to share this with you.
Mel: Hey, hi, Carrie. Hi, Mel. Welcome, welcome to the podcast. It's so great to have you here.
Carrie: Thanks so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here.
Mel: Yeah. Yeah. I'm excited to have you and to share, you know, your story. I'm going to start with the most broad question ever, which is always the first question. If you've listened and you've probably heard it, which is just, who are you?
Who's Carrie?
Carrie: Yes, I'm Carrie. I'm a mom of two. I am living passionately. 2024 is passion. And. That had me start my podcast this year. [00:02:00] So I started a podcast recently. It's heart to heart parents and I was a speech therapist and a, well, an early intervention speech therapist and an elementary ed teacher. So I knew I loved working with kids, but.
motherhood kind of changed my life. And so I knew I wanted to reach out and talk to other parents. So here I am today with Podcaster as my current resume name.
Mel: I love it. I love that. And I love that, you know, you're right. Things shift as we become mom, right? And I also love working with kids and I love working with adults once I had kids because it gives you that balance of both perspectives, right?
Yeah, which is and both energies. Actually, yeah, more what it is for me, but yeah, I love that. And I'm so excited about your podcast and that you've entered the podcast world. I'm always shouting it out to everyone. So please, like, if you've got like, use your voice, go out there and do [00:03:00] it. This is easier than it looks like it is not saying it's a piece of cake, but it is the perfect stretch challenge for so many different people.
So well done for getting going.
Carrie: Yeah, I love that. Using your voice. It actually was something that I needed to kind of learn from my childhood even. So I always encourage people like, come on the podcast. Let's use your voice. I love that too.
Mel: Yeah, that's a great way of putting it, right? Like we all have a story out there and, and it's about sharing it.
In whatever way we feel we need to at different like seasons in our life. So yeah. Yeah. Perfect. Okay. So we know you're a podcaster. We know that you have done lots of work with kids in the speech and language pathologist kind of, root of things. And I know a little bit more about you, but let's get into a little bit more.
So everybody else does, because I think The work you're doing now is pretty cool, and whether you describe this as your work [00:04:00] or not, maybe the work in like the broader sense of the term is the big dream. What is, what is the big dream?
Carrie: So my big dream is helping sensitive and conscious parents raising sensitive and conscious kids.
Also changemaker is another word for similar pieces. I love, I've been using the concept changemakers raising changemakers lately, and I'm just really excited about trying to help this new era of kids that are coming up. Stay conscious. My kids have been born with so many conscious pieces and I see so many kids born conscious and It's the life that they live that kind of changes it and makes it harder for us to tune in and hear our hearts when we're adults.
So I'm really passionate about helping other Changemaker parents raise these Changemaker kids and stay conscious in their childhood and into their adulthood.
Mel: [00:05:00] Beautiful. And two things come to my mind, two questions. So the first is, you use, The word conscious. So tell us about that word. What does that mean that they're they're born they're coming into this world conscious.
Carrie: Yeah, so my kiddos have been really connected with their hearts and they they get oh they're very Well, a piece of it is being empaths, right? That's my children are empaths. And so when they were born, they were very spirited and gifted and came in wanting to know the world, wanting to know why things worked, came in with a mission saying, mom, I want to be an adult.
Cause I want to make all my decisions. I'm ready. And he was like. Four years old. So I think, well, buddy, we do have to learn a little bit more about life before we can make all our choices. And so that that conscious piece is being connected and hearing our intuition, hearing it early [00:06:00] on and learning how to calm our monkey minds, which As we're empaths and sensitive people, we can often be overwhelmed by noises or the feeling of socks on our feet, feeling of pants on our legs.
And so helping our kids to work through those moments so that they can become back into them, back into the best version of themselves, back into hearing their hearts, back into connecting with mom and dad with our hearts and those other pieces. So that's what conscious looks like in our house.
Mel: Yeah, I think that's really beautiful.
And, you know, the other part of what comes to my mind is that, that yes, it's us helping our kids to become and who they already are, essentially. Yes. But I feel like In what you're saying, what I'm actually hearing is learning from our kids. You know, they're coming in with this beautiful sense of, as you say, conscious, this heart centered way of being.
And it hasn't been kind of, [00:07:00] beaten isn't the right word, but like taken out of them yet, right? And, uh. Yes. As adults, it often has, and we have to relearn how to connect with that one. Actually, maybe it's our kids. Maybe you're actually like, teaching people to listen to their kids and relearn how we're kind of designed to be.
Carrie: Yes. Is there anything that says that I know more than my child right now? I mean, I know you need to look both ways before you cross the street. I know you need to eat your vegetables and I'm trying to help my kids with the basics, but I'm also listening when they're telling me Hey, mom, this school is not the right fit for me, which actually happened to us recently.
I'm listening when they're saying, I'm, I'm feeling really sensitive today, which, which with a lot of work and progress with my kids, they're able to tell me I'm really sensitive today. I don't want to brush my hair, mom. And I'm listening to my kiddo when they're [00:08:00] telling me these needs instead of rushing them through and like the traditional way of.
We need to brush your hair. We need to get to school and I can't change your school because it's so much, you know, so I'm stopping tuning in. I'm hearing what they're needing. You're right. They are. They are telling me who they are. And I, in my heart, I want them to become the best version of themselves or to become who they are inside.
Mel: Yeah, and isn't it interesting that, you know, some of those things that you just mentioned, like, oh, we got to get to school and we got to do whatever, those are, those are, those have been ingrained in us, those shoulds that we have to be on time, those shoulds that, you know, we have to brush our hair before we go to school, those shoulds that, whatever it might be, actually, like, Are they shits?
You know, like I'm always questioning. A really good friend of mine, Lou Shackleton, made me this sign that's behind my bed and it, and my, my kids have been reading it lately and going like, Mama, what is that [00:09:00] sign? It's like, wow. And it says, uh, I hereby declare that I am no longer going to follow the rules.
Oh, I love it. And that's what I wake up to like every single day. And it's not like, don't stop, don't follow, like, you know, there's rules that I do follow. I'm a weird, like I kind of, I. I want to know all the rules so that I can decide whether or not I'm going to follow them. Like, it's a very important part of my life to understand what the rules are.
And my, I would say my children are the same in that kind of sense. They want to understand what the rules are before. Before they go forward, whether they're going to follow them or not. But yeah, it just brings in those rules are those shoulds. And there's, there's some things that we've learned as adults, such as, you know, uh, crying is, Annoying, or it's, you know, there's not time for it, or we have to move faster, or whatever, that my kids teach me is actually, do we have to move [00:10:00] faster?
Yes. Oh yeah. I think we do, you know. Is
Carrie: it okay to be late? Like, what are the people pleasing tendencies that are within us as an adult? As I, I don't know. I know I'm an empath. I don't know if you declare yourself as an empath or highly, it kind of goes along with the highly sensitive person. I feel like there's multiple terms for these things, but those, those people pleasing tendencies of following the rules, making sure everybody's happy.
Everybody's feeling good around you. And what makes us into these people pleasers? That's part of what I'm looking at. And do you. Trying to raise my kids into questioning, like, Well, if it's hard on my heart, maybe I need to remove myself from remove myself from the situation. Maybe if this kiddo is, is putting on a lot putting forth a lot of energy on to me, I need to recognize that I need to remove myself.
And maybe that kid doesn't like it in that [00:11:00] moment. But If they're a really good friend, they'll come back. They'll figure out, we're good friends, we'll find, we'll find a stepping ground together. So even teaching my kids about friendship in that way and what a, what a true honest friend is in our heart.
Mel: Right. Yeah. And that sometimes that's really hard because it means they might not have friends for a little while. They're really good at setting boundaries. Which is, you know, a skill that we want to teach, a skill that I want to teach myself half the time.
Carrie: Yes. Yes. Mama's learning with the kids. It's been a learning process this past couple of years for myself as well.
There's so much reflection in that, right? Becoming a mom is like this big magnifying glass on. Pieces that come up for us from our childhood of oh wow, I really was a people pleaser. Oh wow, I really did follow those rules like you mentioned and try to make everybody around me happy.
Mel: But when we [00:12:00] can, when we can feel when someone else is happy, as you say, it goes along with that empath, that highly sensitive part.
For me, like that's my, we were talking beforehand. That's definitely one of the things that I've been learning a lot about myself and really connecting with in the last year or so. And you know, that, that side of me where I can walk in the room and I can sense what everybody in that space is feeling.
And I didn't realize that not everybody does that. Like I thought that's the way the world was. And I'm like, I don't understand why, like, how do you not know that that's how someone's feeling? Right? But it also, and it's, it's such a gift, it's such a, a superpower as, as you would say. And it's very difficult because it means I'm the one going in, making sure, making sure everybody feels good.
And that's an amazing gift. That's why I love building community. That's why I love creating events and all those things. I And it makes me people please. [00:13:00] And forget my own boundaries. And check in with my own heart and my body and be like, Is this what you want to be doing right now? Like, is this what your body needs?
Or does it actually need to go sit over by itself for a little while and just kind of Re reboot. Yes.
Carrie: And can you imagine if somebody had told little Mel that when they were seven, like, if, if you're my son came home and he told me so and so was upset at school and I sat by him and I, I helped him mom I, I could feel myself.
taking on his energy and he was taking on my happy energy. And I thought, well, we're going to have to work on this a little bit because we do need to learn how to draw boundaries, protect ourselves too. We have to, we have to learn when we can give, when we can receive, and also when we're giving without realizing it.
So, yeah, it's a, there's so many teaching points here and I would love to [00:14:00] see where Mel was if, if she learned this when she was seven. you know, walking into a room. Not everybody does that. And I was the opposite. I thought I was the only one doing that. I was the only one that was so sensitive. And when people would tell me, adults would tell me, stop being so sensitive or stopping so loud.
I'm right here. And when you're really excited to tell a story and, and you're usually very introverted, but you're at home, so you're very extroverted and you feel comfortable. So yeah, there's, it's interesting to think how you grew up thinking everybody. was like that. And I grew up thinking, oh, I'm the only one like that.
Mel: Mm hmm. I, yeah, it's an interesting one. And I, you know, it's making me reflect, like, is that how I felt as a kid? I'm not sure. I felt like nobody else was like me, but I didn't have enough connection with myself to realize that that's what was happening. I think as a kid, it was more that I was like, I felt more of an outsider, though I've talked to friends from back then, they're like, what are you [00:15:00] talking about?
Same thing. I didn't think you had a lot of friends, like, and I'm like, well, that's just what it felt like, right? Yep. But, uh, but the reality and their reality was that I was, I was known by everyone because I went in the room and I made sure that, you know, everybody was, had what they needed. Yeah. And kind of put it on a bit in some ways, right?
Like, put on the extroversion, because actually I'm pretty sure I'm an introvert. That would put on the scene of being someone that has all this confidence. Yes.
Carrie: Yes.
Mel: I've had that
Carrie: exact same thing where somebody mentioned, since you're so extroverted, and I was like, Oh, no, no, that is not me. I am the lady that was so happy during the pandemic at home with my family and like cherish that family time.
And then I've actually had to start getting my feet wet, going into events with lots of people to heal myself. Like, Oh yeah, you can do this, Carrie. You can get [00:16:00] back out there and start to see people again.
Mel: Yeah. And then learning what to do in that situation. So I was just telling you, and I just recorded this week's podcast on it.
I just, I went to the UK and one of the reasons I went there is I was going to an amazing event called the Do Lectures, which is a hundred people in a field in Wales and sleeping with strangers in tents and, you know, so much mingling and connecting. It's all about building community. It's all about the change makers in the world, the doers, listening to amazing talks.
It was a fantastic event curated very well. And it was exhausting. Right? Yeah. Because I was really like trying to play that balance of not wanting to miss out on the connection time because that's the part I'm there for. That's what I was craving. Yeah. But also feeling drained because I spent so much time having those initial conversations that you have to have to get to the depth.
Right? Yep. Yeah. So it is this real balance in those [00:17:00] situations and constantly relearning what to do and setting those boundaries of like, actually what I should have done is just skipped any part, whether it be the connection part or a talk or whatever it was and just gone for a walk at some point in time.
And then I would have been more connected later on. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. But that's. That's what you learn as you go, right? Yes.
Carrie: We're all learning about the self care and the recharging and not, not pushing things upstream when it doesn't feel right. I think that's another piece that I've been teaching my kids is if it's not flowing super well, it's time to make a change maybe, or your heart or the universe is telling you it's time to make a change.
That's been a big one for us too. It's so interesting
Mel: and it's. You know, it makes me think of my family because we have a lot of anxiety, it hangs out with us a lot in this house. Sure. And then it's like, when is anxiety [00:18:00] speaking and when is your heart speaking? And like trying to decipher between the two because anxiety is like, I need all the detail, we're not doing this, this is not okay, etc, etc.
It doesn't feel good, right? Yeah, yeah. When You might actually really want to go and do that thing. Hmm. That's what Hart might be saying and how do you like, that's the big question of the universe right now for me. Right? You might not be able to answer that, but how do you like decipher between the two and figure out which one's speaking?
Carrie: You go for a walk, you get some movement, you clear your mind, you wash dishes and you just, you, you try to stop the cycle, right? You, you try to just. Hear no chatter for a while and then sometimes something will come up after that. I feel like that for me, when I can hit that Zen point for a while, sometimes like, you know, a walking meditation is a great one to try to just calm your mind.
And then sometimes a new thought will come that is [00:19:00] like related, but not the same thought that has been. bubbling up. So that for me has been something that has been helpful is changing the channel.
Mel: Yeah.
Carrie: Yeah.
Mel: That's a really good point. And it, I'm smiling to myself because it's like the answer is just what my daughter teaches me every day, which is slow down.
Oh, Listen. See what happens. You know, she doesn't say that, but she says it with every movement and every action and you know, action that she takes, right? My biggest learning, and the hardest, the hardest, I think.
Carrie: I love when they're teaching us to slow down. I, when I was pregnant with my son, I had this visualization when I was sleeping, I think so might've been a dream about him stopping to smell the flowers and me like, we gotta go, we gotta go.
Come on buddy. And I'm still, he's nine years old and he's still stopping to smell the [00:20:00] flowers. And I'm like, Oh wait, but tennis starts soon. We've got to go. And then I just kind of changed the channel myself. Like, well. But if we're a couple minutes late, it's gonna be okay. There's, there's no mom there that's like, you weren't on time.
Mel: Yeah. And if there is, like, that's their conditioning, right? Like, that's what it is. Funnily enough, like, this totally isn't the only reason, but I, I, I think of it that way almost now. We actually changed schools last year as well. And the school that we're in has a, a flexible start. And it is like the biggest gift that I have ever been given in my whole life.
Carrie: I know! Right? Doesn't it just take off that pressure? You can just breathe.
Mel: Mm hmm. You can, you can, because like, you know, yeah, the mornings are hard. Mornings are hard for I think every mother in every household because we've been conditioned, right? And because it's us that is looked at as if we did it wrong in the morning, not the kid.[00:21:00]
Yes. You know, we're the ones kind of like moving them along for the first few years at least. But yeah, so yeah, flexible start was like one of the best things that I, I think I've ever had. And I think every school should have. Uh, so that's just yeah,
Carrie: flexible start and then like 10 minutes at the beginning of your day to just after you dropped off the kids to just breathe and reset.
You can do some Reiki, you could do some meditation, but have a cup of tea, just something to reconnect with yourself because you've been giving, giving, giving, right? And a quick version, even if you have a late start or a rolling start, like you're still giving, giving, giving, you have to reconnect.
Mel: Definitely. Definitely. I've, uh, I began to have it almost unintentionally, but clearly it was what was needed. Where after I dropped my kids off, I don't schedule anything until at least half an hour after I get back. And ideally more like an [00:22:00] hour. so that I can come home. I don't eat with my kids because it's often like a rushed food.
Standing eating. I just come back and I eat like a proper breakfast, which is usually the time when I want to eat anyways, about two hours after I've woken up. Like my, my body doesn't feel ready before then. So I'm ready. I come back. I'm like, Oh, I'm going to have a cup of tea. I'm going to eat this. And often I'm like, listening to a podcast or just like doing something to kind of get my brain starting to function.
And. Or, you know, sitting there and just eating. Sometimes that's good too, the silence. But it's glorious. And, you know, being an entrepreneur, like we have this flexibility to do that. And I totally appreciate that. Not everybody gets that. But, uh, you know, even if it's like the two minutes you sit in the car before you get out at work after dropping kids.
Right. Yep.
Carrie: Yep. I always tell my husband that too. I'm like, just schedule a meeting in one of the meeting offices and go in there and meditate for 10 minutes. If you have a [00:23:00] big work meeting coming up, like go in and just sit and be quiet and, and reground yourself. And yeah, cause we don't always have time for that.
the hour, although it's really helpful. And my jam is Pilates helps me to like reset before I get going. So that's been one of my favorite things in the morning. Yoga, those, those pieces where you're mindful and you're breathing and reconnecting have been really helpful. Yeah. Totally.
Mel: For me, this is like totally contradictory in some ways, but I find on the days where I struggled to really slow down because I'm in like efficiency mode, right.
You got to get, I got to get all these things done. My hack is to do things that are both good for me and that I need in those moments and on my list. So I take the dog for a walk, right? Because that's enjoy enjoyable for me. I'm getting in nature. I'm focusing on the nature when I'm there. I'm not thinking about the 60 million other things.
Like I slow down and stop and focus and notice. And then I get on with my day and I'm [00:24:00] like, Oh, I, that felt good. And I get to take this over here, right? It's a little bit of both. Yeah. Okay. So we're having an amazing conversation, but I also know that there's so many more things that we could be going into.
And one of the topics that, you've mentioned to me prior to this and that I think would be great for our listeners to hear more about is, is this concept of a monkey mind? Like what? We kind of started almost touching on it already, it was some of the how tos, but you know, what is that? And what are, what are you out there trying to teach parents and, and through them kids about?
Carrie: Yeah. So with the monkey mind, there's, and especially with like our, I use the term gifted, spirited, highly sensitive kids with the gifted piece, it's, you know, coming in and just like, Yeah. Wanting to go in the spirit of peace to coming in and wanting to go and they're very driven. So with the drivenness can oftentimes [00:25:00] that overactive mind, which with kids, I like to term it the monkey mind is, and that can be when we're feeling extra sensitive and we don't want to put on socks or pants or, or our hair feel hurts when it's brushed.
I'm thinking of specific terms from our house, but it can also be even for myself. Having an interaction where I didn't feel like the person connected with me, and I just keep playing it in my mind, going over and over again, I didn't even realize until somebody pointed out, Carrie, you also cycle it in your head, you look very calm on the outside, and you have a very calm demeanor, but you've got it.
This message cycling your head. So we termed it monkey mind. And we often I don't know if you've read the whole brain child with I can't think of the names right now. Daniel Siegel. I love that where it also talks about the left and the right hemispheres and the reptile brain too, is when the fight, flight, or [00:26:00] freeze kicks in.
I think of it for my kids when they're in the right side and. They're throwing a fit because socks feel uncomfortable and mom feels like we need to leave for school and there's all these time factors. And so as the pressure gets more and more and more, we're still in that we're in that right side or we're in the reptile reptilian side of the brain.
We can't connect with them. They can't hear us. They're completely blocked out. You can, you can try. I've seen parents that are like reasoning. Sometimes my husband will get into reasoning with them. We really need to put our shoes on because we have to get going. And she'll just keep adding the words. I'm like, wait, wait, wait, we need to stop the words.
We need to help them through it. I hear you. I hear this is really hard for you. Less words, more comfort. If I, if I feel like they can have the touch, just bringing them back into their body, regrounding them. Helping that right hand, right side of the brain calm, once they're in a calm state, maybe we're in the car, we backed out of the driveway, we're driving to school, everybody's [00:27:00] reset, we've been breathing, we tried the box breathing as a method people have talked about here and there.
Then we can tune back in with the left side of the brain. Then we can talk about like, hey, I'm noticing, oh man, you're feeling a little sensitive today. I'm noticing like, what, what could I do to help you in the morning? Maybe we can picture that somebody taught us this neon blue cap that we put on before we brush our hair.
Maybe we can picture that and we can work with that and maybe not brush our hair as much when we go to school. It's okay. people will still love you. So we can't, we can't do all those words and connect with our hearts when we're in that monkey mind. So that's, that's where I, that's where we talk about, and I didn't coin that.
I can't take the claim for monkey mind. I think that's been circulating around through a lot of conscious parenting and change making communities. But it's one that I grasped onto because I love, Using some of these mind [00:28:00] processes and understanding our mindful tools and then trying to use kid friendly terms for them, because these are all things as we teach our kids, your body's feeling sensitive.
Oh man, I can tell, I can hear in your voice that you're not feeling comfortable right now. Are you, you ate that banana? Is your tongue feeling scratchy? Just really trying to describe all of these sensory pieces that they're going through. When we put it into words for them, when they're in that state, they can't think like, oh, well, these three things happened and that's why I'm kicking my feet right now and that's why I can't brush my hair.
They're in that state, if I describe it for them, it's giving, it's naming it to tame it is another term. Can't remember if that one's from Whole Brain Child, but naming it to tame it helps to bring it away from them and help them to ground themselves a little bit better.
Mel: Yeah, brilliant. And I love that.
I love giving that [00:29:00] giving that name, as you say, to the different parts of the mind. And you know, that normalizes that normalizes the fact that that we have these feelings, we have these emotions, and yes, they feel really big to you and I get Big ones too. And I'm probably having them at the same time about something else, right?
Like, you know, cause you're talking about like, maybe the kid's in monkey mind, but you're probably in monkey mind too, because you're stressed because someone's so, it's going to think that you did it wrong this morning because you showed up 10 minutes late with your kid with no hair, but blah, blah, blah.
Right? Like, So you're kind of both in that state. So it allows, it allows a kind of equal grounds there to be like, oh, whoa. We, we talk about worry as like a separate being from us in a similar way. So like, worry is showing up for me today. I say that in the morning. I'm like, worry shows up for me a lot in the morning.
For whatever reason, it's just there. it thinks that the day will go wrong if we don't go fast. So sometimes [00:30:00] I'm like, okay, what am I going to do with that? Like, what do I do with worry? And again, like you say, we talk about this later or we talk about it. I actually talk about it during the time. If I'm not in like full on, you know, there's like a limit.
I've got a little bit of access to both parts of my brain. Right. And I'm able to point to that in that moment that like, Oh, like, Worry is making me rush you right now. And that's not really what I want to do. So what am I going to do? I'm kind of talking it through.
Carrie: I love that example. And also there's another piece too.
Like we, we both, you mentioned it and I mentioned it. We both identify with being sensitive ourselves. So knowing when you need to tag out, if you're able to tag out with your partner, because you're feeling like, Oh, this is really starting to, uh, My, my hair's starting to stand on the back of my neck. I'm feeling like I might say something I might regret, like knowing when mom needs to take a five minute break and come back, baby mom just needs to go get a drink of cold water, knowing these, these points of [00:31:00] like keeping that self care for you too.
And I've, I've started to realize those moments too. And maybe I need to put my noise canceling headphones in because my kiddo. Is going through something we've worked through it and mom's just exhausted at this point. So she's going to let kiddo work on it for a few minutes while I have my earbuds in and recharge myself before I go back in.
So I love that you mentioned, uh, showing that example to our kids too of. Hey, mom gets monkey mind too. And here's what works for me. And you're doing that too. And we, we are born, we are born these amazing versions of ourselves and it's okay to be human and have these moments and our best friends are still going to love us.
And if somebody doesn't love us, it's okay. I, I see even 40 year old women that are still learning, like. It's okay if not everybody likes me. It's okay if I'm not friends with every single person and have a deep connection with everyone in my neighborhood.
Mel: Mm
Carrie: hmm. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And,
Mel: you know, [00:32:00] showing them that we're humans, because what's coming to my mind as we speak about this is that, you know, I'm mentioning my best mornings right now.
My best mornings when I'm able to step back and say all the things that I just said. Right? And then there's the mornings when I'm, you know, what you mentioned with the husband, where I'm talking too much. And all of those words that are coming out are actually generally just providing shame for my kid because they don't understand why they can't get to where I'm trying to get them to go.
And they just feel bad about it, which makes it worse. And it spirals and it just takes six times longer. And it's okay that this still also happens. Right? Like, Permission to be Human. That's the name of the podcast. And these conversations where we're saying, this is, this is the aim. This is what we want to be like in the morning.
And even having those conversations with your kids and making that outward, right? That I don't always act the way I want to in the morning because like, monkey brain or [00:33:00] worry or whatever it is, is taking over. And like, I'm really sorry. That's not how I want to be. I'm working on it. Right. Mom's human too.
I can't remember what they're called. I've started following this amazing couple on Instagram who talk a lot about repair and repair. It's like the topic on my mind lately, especially in parenting, and how it's okay. It's okay to make these mistakes because our kids will, because we will. And it's all about how we repair and how we teach our kids to repair, right?
Yes. Absolutely. Isn't that
Carrie: a, like a big weight lifted off your shoulders when you're like, Hey, I can repair it. If I have a human moment, I can fix it. I don't have to be the perfect parent every day.
Mel: Exactly. And then those stories, those cycles that you just mentioned earlier, where we're like going over and over what we said to someone or what we did or didn't do or whatever, they quiet down because we've just said, Hey.
Here's my assumption about what just happened there. This [00:34:00] is how I acted. This isn't really what I wanted to say. Like, just, just wanted to let you know that. Then I'm like, oh, oh, okay. With an adult or, or a child for that matter. You know, I have things on my mind that I've been thinking about from years ago with friends.
But I'm like, I'd really like to, like, just let go of that now, and the best way to do that is to repair. Even if that's not, they don't, they probably don't even think about it anymore, right? You know? Yeah. And it's not even that they have to do anything, it's just witness the fact that I want to repair that and just say whatever it is, right?
Carrie: Yeah. Yeah. Paris is beautiful.
Mel: And hard. And so necessary. And it's not the same as an apology. That's like part of it as well. Right? Yeah. They're similar, but not quite the same. Yeah. It's really just owning that this is where I was at, and I didn't know any other way at that point, and that's okay.
Carrie: Yeah.
Mel: I just notice it.
Carrie: I think that's [00:35:00] kind of bringing back to the start is when we talk about conscious, it's we're not perfect, but we're being conscious of being human and learning to grow in the ways because wouldn't life be boring if we weren't growing anymore and we weren't being conscious? Learning anything new. How boring would that be if we knew everything now at age 40?
Like I'm only halfway through. Still got to learn a lot.
Mel: Totally. Totally. Okay. I feel like we've like touched on one thing that I wanted to talk about with you in the time that we've been together and I just look at the clock and go, Oh, well, that's interesting. We're already. We're already at that time.
Yeah. So we, let's close things down, but I know that we're actually talking, I'm going to be on your podcast really soon. So people can listen to that as well. Say it. Say the name of your podcast again.
Carrie: So it's heart to heart parents podcast.
Mel: Excellent. And I think that's such a great idea. You know, our pockets are really complementary because mine's really focusing on the parent themselves and yours focuses on the, the kids via the [00:36:00] parent, which is just a really lovely, difference and similarity all, all at the same time.
So
Carrie: yeah, you can't have one without the other. Yeah, exactly.
Mel: Exactly. Okay. So we always finish with one top tip that you would like to give to the moms who are listening.
Carrie: Ooh, so listening to our kids, if our kid is telling us, I want to quit taekwondo and they're one step away from black belt, this happened to me in the spring and your heart is like, or your head is like, I don't want you to quit.
You're almost there. But your kid's telling you. I don't, I don't want to do it. Dive in a little bit deeper. And, and when they're, when they're in a calm state, ask them, what's the reason you might find out maybe your kid was feeling bad about themselves by going, and maybe it truly is time for your kid to leave.
So that's just my tip is listening to our kids and not letting our egos make, make the decision, right? Tuning in, hearing [00:37:00] with our hearts, tuning in to their hearts as well.
Mel: Beautiful. Thank you. And where can people find you should they wish to get in touch?
Carrie: Yeah. So I'm on Instagram at heart to heart parents podcast, and I'm also on other chapters like Facebook and YouTube.
I'm expanding into YouTube with heart to heart podcast as well.
Mel: Brilliant. Yeah. Okay. so, so much for joining us. I'm really looking forward to furthering the conversation. Yeah, it was great.
You know when you have that dream or that idea and you hold it really tight and you don't really want to share it with anyone until you have it just right? Until you are absolutely assured that it is exactly what you want it to be. But you also know,
deep down inside, that it is unlikely to get perfect, it is unlikely to get to exactly where you want it to be, [00:38:00] unless you share it with others.
It's when we share it with other people that we get the energy and the momentum. It is when we get feedback. It is when we start to Iterate. We need to get it out of our bodies and into the world in some sort of way, and talking to someone who will cheer you on is exactly the first step.
That is it, folks. This has been Mel Findlater on Permission to Be Human, the podcast, and I am so glad that you have joined us here today and hope that you have taken away some tidbits that will help you go away, connect with your big audacious dream, and make that massive impact in the world that you are dying to make.
If you liked today's episode, please, please, please like it, share it. Think of one person. Think of one person that you think would also [00:39:00] like it and send it on over to them. Let's get this out there and more moms feeling like themselves. Inspired, dreaming big, and out there being them. Please do head on over to find me on Facebook with permission to be human or Instagram or you can even Off me an email and say hello.
Have permission to be human, always, at gmail. com. Say hello and let me know that you listened. What did you like about it? I would love to hear. If you didn't like it, I don't really want to know. Just kidding, you can share that if you want. I would love to know, however, who you are. Let's connect. Let's find out what you want more of.
I want to hear from you and I want to make it what would be useful to you. As always, remember that you have permission to dream big, permission to feel [00:40:00] big, and permission to be you. You have complete and full permission to be human. For real, you do.
