The Do Lectures take aways
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Welcome to Permission to be Human, the podcast. I'm your host Mel Findlater mother, coach, and curator of Permission to be Human, the company and community. If you're a mom, know a mom, or want to be a mom, and you crave getting out in the world to make a difference, then you're in the right place. This is a space for moms like you to connect with yourself, your purpose, and your big audacious dreams.
Because when you feel your best, you can better you, your family, and the wider world. Let's do this.
Hello. Hello everyone. I am back back from the UK. You may not have even noticed that I went anywhere because in the world of podcasts, I would still here. I still had one last Tuesday when it came out, but I have been away for about 10 days. I was off to the UK. And. [00:01:00] I flew across the world to go to a farm in Wales. To sleep in a tent with two strangers. And hang out with a hundred more strangers. Who identify as the dreamers and the doers and the change makers. And to listen to stories of challenge and triumph. Of play and disruption and of loving and learning. So why, why so far?
Why take the time away from my family? How do I manage the irony of flying across the world and all of the negative impact that has. In order to hang out with people who want to change the world. Why spend so much money. Why risk getting sick, which by the way I did. So in this episode, my plan is to answer those questions. To give you some of the key learnings that I got at this event and to talk about how they relate to you. And what's next. So [00:02:00] here we go. So why the UK is the first question you may or may not know that I actually lived in the UK for 14 years.
We moved back to Canada. I live on Vancouver island. In March, 2020, which we all know what happened then. So it was pretty chaotic when we moved back.
So going over to the UK again. It was a chance for me to reunite with some really old friends and spend some adult time with them. It's such a rare occasion for me to be able to see them in person. But also to get those depths of conversations that you don't have necessarily when your kids are around. The thing is I've been here over back in Canada for four years and friendships take time to build that level of depth. And visiting old friends. That are already at this level fills my connection bucket. And reminds me that it is indeed possible. So that is why the UK, so why not take my family?
Well, I partly just answered that right. [00:03:00] But also I needed a break from being responsible. From having the Motherlode from holding everything inside of me, from what we're going to eat to where we're going to go to who's doing what today. And from others constantly requiring of me for once I got to go somewhere where I was literally only responsible for myself and at the event that I went to, it was glorious because they fed me every day.
I didn't have to think about a single thing except showing up. And what do I feel like doing right now? Amazing. So what else? Not to take the family so that I could remember me again so that I can reset my nervous system and be a better mum when I come back. So that I can finish a thought. And finish a sentence. So that I can visit with depth.
As I mentioned before. Conversations with friends that I wouldn't have had when my kids were there. They would have been squished into the evening slots or perhaps the kids [00:04:00] finally are in flow at the end of the garden. And we can have a conversation that will likely get interrupted. So these conversations that we can have, and that I can have. With friends when it's just me are just. So so needed and so very rare.
Any to space. And connection. And depth. And I knew that my husband, the father of my kids. I would hold the reins. Even if he did it in a stressed out, oh my God, is this coming? What am I supposed to do? Kind of way. I knew that he had it and it was really good for him. To be able to do that for, to spend that time with the children. And also for our relationship for him to witness what I do. Every single day and hold that.
And I trust him and I knew that they would all be okay.
And honestly the financial barrier is much higher with flying for people across the world instead of one. So let's talk about that flying thing. This has been [00:05:00] something that, you know, has not passed me by, I know the irony of flying across the world in order to change the world. Is there, right. It's super tricky one.
And I'm not really sure what the answer is except to say that my soul really needs it. And that the work I do and trying to better the world every day, we'll hopefully start to. You know, balance that out. And it's a rare occasion that I, that I get to go and do these things. I would love to figure out if anybody has any ideas of how to tangibly measure. The impact that I make in the world versus the negative impact that I might make in the world through choices, such as flying across it.
And do you know what all of these things I needed to go so that I could be me again.
And.
I think that being me benefits other people. Because I'm more likely to go out and do my life's work because of it. [00:06:00]
But the money and the sickness. I fully recognize my privilege here as a family, we can afford to send me to the UK from Canada for many people. I totally realize that this is not the case and add the cost of the do lectures on top of it. This is the event that I went to. That was, it was what it was called.
It is not cheap. So the way that the do lectures manage it is that they video all of the talks that are there in order to give them for free online to the other people around the world. Thousands and thousands of views.
At no cost. Right. So for me, that really makes a difference to be able to provide that to the rest of the world as well. And honestly, I would rather spend my money on doing things. On meeting people on events like this, that remind me that I matter and that I belong and that people are overall good. I would rather do that any day than spend money on a thing. [00:07:00] Every single time I choose experiences. Growth and people.
And the sickness. Yeah, some people got COVID at the event. I didn't apparently I'm negative, but I have a huge, huge cough for the last week since I've come home and I've even spread that to my kids. So that is a downside of these types of things, right. That is the risk. That I take. We're staying home away from the vulnerable people in our life so that we don't spread that any further. But, you know what all of these things combined. It was still worth it. Because I came back feeling more me. So onto what I learned while I was there. Some key learnings. The big one for me is around community. And remembering that there are other people out there like me. Being an entrepreneur sitting in this little room of mine.
So often talking to a screen. Not knowing who's listening on the other side can feel pretty lonely. [00:08:00] And I needed to be reminded that there is a community, multiple communities out there that are trying to do similar things to me that I'm not the only one I needed to feel like I belong. And I did, and I do.
Living in Canada, we've been here for years, but two of those were, you know, some pretty intense COVID time.
So building that community, building that sense of belonging, building relationships, it takes time. And.
I'm okay with that. And I have to seek it elsewhere when I, when I need to.
The other reason I really wanted to go to this event was to learn from the style of the event. There's only a hundred people that are attendees that go to this event, pay for tickets and go along. There are volunteers and speakers above that. And that's one of the things that appealed to me most I had to apply.
I think there was like almost 2000 people that applied. I had to apply to go to this event and they purposely choose to only keep it to a hundred people because they want that sense [00:09:00] of community. They want that sense of belonging. They want to have it on a farm in the middle of nowhere in Wales. Right.
So that's why I go there. That's what appealed to me. I've been to many conferences with like 2000 people. And I barely see the same person twice and I don't feel like I belong in those spaces. Because I am the introverted person who will stay to the back or to the side and have the little conversations. But again, I want to be able to have those conversations to build depth in those relationships, by seeing people. Again, Right. So.
That was one of my rememberings more than learnings.
I think. And, you know, I answered the question of why are you here? Why did you fly across the world to do this so many times? And here's what my answer ended up being.
In the very beginning, David Hyatt. One of the owners [00:10:00] of the do lectures and the farm that we were on. Came and spoke to them. Welcome us all. And he said a couple of things. And these two things are the reason I was there. Firstly, he said. It's likely that you are here to get permission. Permission to do what you already want to do.
Right. That's of course why I was there. I want to permission to. Take a chance to get out there to do something. And I think so many other people that were there did as well. And this is the main one. He said, if you want to change the world, You need, need to hang out with other people who want to change the world. That's it. That's why I flew a cloth.
That's why. I flew across the world. To the do lectures. In Wales and slept in a tent with people. I didn't know. [00:11:00] Because I wanted to be surrounded by other people who wanted to do good. Who wants to go make a difference in the world? And that doesn't exist currently to my knowledge where I am.
So that's my why, that's why I was there.
So I'm going to now give you a few of the themes of what I learned while I was there, but in other episodes, I'm actually going to go into full. Uh, conversation and even interview some of the people that I met there to give you. More depth to the topics that I'm going to mention below.
So. Here's the themes of what came out.
The first one is.
Shit happens. Okay. Hard things happen to everyone and it's through feeling these times that we come out and go and make a difference. As DJ crust, one of the speakers there says. You break down to break through. And this was a theme of so many of the [00:12:00] conversations. So many of the stories that were shared there really hard things happened in their life.
Things that had you crumbling down on the floor, thinking, how is this it? And it's out of those. That people. I had their best work, became their best version of themselves. So if you're feeling. Like this is a hard time, or perhaps you've had that hard time in the past, perhaps you're on your way up now, or know that that is coming because.
It is through those challenging times that we learn.
And I know. It doesn't feel like it during that time, but that is the key theme that came out of there.
The other theme is together is what matters humans are designed to be together. There's an amazing man called James sills who came along and had us all singing. At the event we did multiple times. We had little intro where [00:13:00] we learned a little section of a song, and then one evening we all sang together the whole song and kind of performed it. And it was really beautiful to hear. Just people come together and sing.
And one of the things he says in his introduction, Is we can't all talk at the same time. But we can all sing at the same time. And I just thought that was really beautiful way to describe the unity. That can come through that action. And whether that be singing or something else, what else can we do at the same time? Right. It is together that we need to be. That's how we're going to make something happen.
Another theme coming out for me was that purpose is fluid and it changes as you change.
You know, we're often out there seeking our purpose. Right. And the thing is, firstly, it's not something you go out and find is already within you. And. [00:14:00] It changes as you go, what it actually looks like changes as you go, how you achieve it changes as you go. And maybe the whole thing changes as you go, as you learn and adapt and become the next version of yourself. So purpose is fluid.
Another thing that really came out for me is to have fun. You know, there was multiple talks where one was talking about. Entrepreneurship being like a paint palette and how they can express themselves in the world. Another being about joyful disruption, how do we challenge things?
That are serious with playful methods. Dancing together in the evenings. We did that every single night and there was a party. And as exhausting as that was for me as a more introverted person. Oh my goodness. The unity that you feel when you're dancing together is incredible. Singing together. As I said with [00:15:00] James.
And this concept and overall theme that if. If you feel the urge to go do something a little wacky. To challenge the. The quietness and the tube as one person did. Go do it. Right. If you feel the urge go do it, express yourself in whatever way that feels right.
Another theme being, just do what feels right right now. And decisions don't have to be permanent. Amir. FN said that, and that really stuck with me because I am someone who.
Ken definitely struggle with. The overwhelm of choice and which things should I do right now and what if I don't like it? And, and, and so this reminder that you do what feels right now, And that decisions do not have to be permanent. You can change your mind at any time permission to [00:16:00] change your mind. Pretty sure.
We've had an episode all about that.
And lastly to feel.
And to notice how we feel. To notice our body's reactions to things. Our bodies are telling us something. We use so much of our brain. To think, but actually our bodies are doing it too. What are they telling us? What can we notice?
So, how does this all relate to you? Well, similar to all of these other conversations that we have on this podcast. I'm hoping that you're going to walk away inspired. And, you know, question some of the decisions you have to give you permission to do. The things that are feeling right in your life. Because maybe you're craving community as well. We're craving space. We're craving growth. Maybe you to forget that you belong. Or perhaps. You haven't found the [00:17:00] people who think like you, or maybe could think completely different than you, but have the same goal. Because it's nice to be. He reminded that seemingly crazy things. Are possible. That we don't always have to follow the rules.
We can make our own.
And that taking time for you is allowed. That. You have permission to notice what you need and to ask for it. To make space for it. And my hope is that in sharing this story, just like so many of the other guests in this podcast that you hear from that you will feel inspired, like anything is possible.
Like you belong and like you matter. That is why I share this with you. And so what's next? Where do I take this? My key learnings from this trips, which is perhaps more of a remembering, I would say, because I already knew it. Is that what I do naturally. When do I allow myself? Is to [00:18:00] create the community that I need the most. Because usually it's a community that others need to.
And so. I believe in the power of bringing people together and curating a space and then watching the magic happen. So that's what's next. I'm intentionally choosing to notice. How and where I can make this happen. To notice the people around me who have dreams, who are doing, who are being with intention.
And to collect them, to gather them up. To guide and be guided by them. So if you're listening and you're like, Hey, that's me, or I want to be one of those people I want to gather. I want to connect. I want to believe I want to do, I want to make a difference. I want to intentionally be. I want to remember that I matter.
Perhaps you want to be in at the beginning before we even know what this all means, but we know that being doing it [00:19:00] together and being together. This is where the magic's gonna happen. If you're thinking, yes, that's me. Then let's do it. Just pop on over to permissiontobehuman.ca/thecommunity. Put your details in and I'll figure it out. I take one little step at a time.
Maybe we'll pop onto one of the groups in one of the various platforms and we will make this happen. We will start connecting. And we will figure out what is next.
So thank you for listening. That is the do lectures and my trip to Wales. And to the UK. And. Let's see what happens from now on, right. I will share. More specifically some of the learnings and get you to meet some of the amazing people that I met along the way in future episodes. But for now, thanks for joining me.
You know when you have that dream or that idea and you hold it really tight and you don't [00:20:00] really want to share it with anyone until you have it just right until you are absolutely assured that it is exactly what you want it to be but you also know deep down inside that it is unlikely to get perfect it is unlikely to get to exactly where you want it to be unless you share it with others.
It's when we share it with other people that we get the energy and the momentum. It is when we get feedback. It is when we start to iterate inside of our own minds. We need to get it out of our bodies and into the world in some sort of way. And talking to someone who will cheer you on is exactly The first step.
Now, if you can't think of anybody in your life that you would love to share your dream with in this raw stage where you're not gonna get the words right and you're worried that they're gonna come back to you and be, yeah, [00:21:00] but or ooh, what if? Don't share with those people. If you can't think of who to share it with, then I want to be that person for you.
Totally complimentary, I am launching the Dream Haven and it is a simple message back and forth concept where you tell me your dream and I cheer you on and tell you exactly how amazing I think it is. I can be that safe space for you and your dreams to grow into whatever they're going to grow. It's going to grow.
totally complimentary. It remains your dream, not mine. And I would absolutely love and be honored by being that person who gets to hear it first. So head on over to permissiontobehuman. ca slash the dash dream dash haven. And let's get this going. Because your dream deserves to be out there in the world.
It could be a project. It could be a business. It could be [00:22:00] the change that you really want to see in the world. It could be an adventure that you really want to go on. You got this. Let's hear about it. Again, all you have to do is head on over to permissiontobehuman. ca slash the dash dream dash haven and put your details in and you'll get a video personalized back from me inviting you to take our next step.
That is it, folks. This has been Mel Finlayder on Permission to Be Human, the podcast, and I am so glad that you have joined us here today and hope that you have taken away some tidbits that will help you go away, connect with your big audacious dream, and make that massive impact in the world that you are dying to make.
If you liked today's episode, please, please, please like it, share it. Think of one person. Think of one person that you think would also like it and send it on over to [00:23:00] them. Let's get this out there and more moms feeling like themselves. Inspired, dreaming big, and out there being them. Please do head on over to find me on Facebook with permission to be human or Instagram or you can even Off me an email and say hello.
Have permission to be human, always, at gmail. com. Say hello and let me know that you listened. What did you like about it? I would love to hear. If you didn't like it, I don't really want to know. Just kidding, you can share that if you want. I would love to know, however, who you are. Let's connect. Let's find out what you want more of.
Yes, this is a newer podcast, so I want to hear from you and I want to make it what would be useful to you. As always, remember that you have permission to dream big, permission to feel [00:24:00] big, and permission to be you. You have complete and full permission to be human. For real, you do.
