Episode 59 - with Shelley Lippman
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[00:00:00] Welcome to Permission to be Human, the podcast. I'm your host Mel Findlater, mother, coach, and curator of Permission to be Human, the company and community. If you're a mom, know a mom, or want to be a mom, and you crave getting out in the world to make a difference, then you're in the right place. This is a space for moms like you to connect with yourself, your purpose, and your big audacious dreams.
Because when you feel your best, you can better you, your family, and the wider world. Let's do this.
/ Today, we're speaking with Shelley Lippman and I really enjoyed this conversation. Shelly is an author and also an ADHD positive parenting coach. So she says she helps burned out parents of children with ADHD, remove the overwhelming self-doubt. And powerlessness of raising their child. So they [00:01:00] can reconnect with them, rediscover their joy of parenting. And set their children up for success. And I just love this description. Of Shelley and she has this incredible book. Called, uh, as is. Accepting for giving and empowering your child with ADHD and yourself.
And that really explains a lot about the conversation that we had together. Shelley explains her journey. With her children. Who. Two of which have. ADHD and neuro-diversity and. You know what that was really like for her.
When I asked her what her dream is in her bio, this is what she said. Poet, Kalen Dion says encouraging someone to be entirely themselves is the loudest way to love them. My big audacious dream is to transform the way we parent. Kids with ADHD leading with this kind of [00:02:00] acceptance awareness and compassion. I hope this will empower our kids to become a strong, intentional, insightful parents themselves. And that this love will ripple outward to touch their children and so on from generation to generation.
So if this is a topic that really intrigues you, please do stick around and have a listen.
Mel: Hi Shelly. Hey Mel, how are you? Really good. It's so nice to have you here on Permission to Be Human, the podcast, and to really dig into what your big audacious dream is, but as well as, I know what our topic is today. Our audience will have known from just our little intro there, but you know, this is, this is, Neurodiversity is everywhere around us, and I think that we're all people in the end, and I'm really looking forward to the conversation around that, and around, you know, you did the positive psychology stuff, [00:03:00] same as me, so I'm always excited to have guests on with knowledge of that, so welcome.
Shelley: Thank you. Thanks. It's a joy to be here and I love talking about this stuff too. So I'm happy. Awesome. So tell us a little bit about who is Shelly. Yeah. It's funny when I think about that, the first thing that comes into my mind is I'm a mom, I'm a mother. That's like, and yeah, that's where I, that's like my greatest joy, my proudest.
It's not an accomplishment, but my greatest joy is being a mom and a wife, and I'm a new nana. I have a grandbaby who is four months old now, and that's a whole other level of joy, honestly. So that's kind of where I always start. I'm also a writer. I just published a book, as you mentioned, and I'm a parenting coach and a positive psychology practitioner.
And the beauty of sort of all these [00:04:00] things, I'm 59 years old now, so I'm like, I'm not 20. And I've kind of, it's all, my whole life has coalesced really into this moment in my life where all the things of who am I, Are all finally coming together, which is a very, very beautiful feeling.
Mel: Mm hmm. Yeah, that's a, that's such a beautiful way to put it, right? Like, yes, we're all these labels, but then it's, it's like what's underneath that, that just starts to make sense a little bit more, you know? And it sounds like that's, that's what's happening for you.
Shelley: Absolutely. It's like, it's a clarity.
It's the gift of hindsight, of course. I just had all my adult children just all came in to, I live in Montreal and they were all here from the United States with their partners and, and everybody was sitting around the table and I just sat back and I looked at these beautiful human beings, and my son just having a baby, like it's, it's all [00:05:00] continuing and I thought this, this was my dream.
This was my dream. The table was so tight. We didn't have one extra room, we had to take out the big chairs and put in the folding chair so everybody could fit. And I thought this has always been my dream, even before I had children. Honestly, that was the dream was a full table and then I want to extend the table and I want it.
And so it's I'm feeling very happy today and with a lot, like I said, of clarity, that this, this is, this was my purpose. This is it. And it's all kind of come together.
Mel: Yeah. Yeah. I'm just picturing this, this beautiful full table and, soon to be by the sounds of it, you know, the grandkids are starting to come.
You're going to have the little kiddie table somewhere hiding in there as well. So where do you squeeze them all in?
Shelley: I know. So I was saying the big challenge is I don't want to have a separate kitty table. I want to find a way to connect the kitty table to the big table, because I [00:06:00] want everyone together.
And so that'll be a, the challenge over the coming years, a good challenge.
Mel: Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's really beautiful and I think it's really interesting in there because you said, this was my purpose this was like this was the dream that I really wanted to do and You know, you're there with that.
So where did where does that leave you in the world of like dream and purpose?
Shelley: Yeah. Wow. What a great question. You must have a podcast. It's, it's interesting because I've been thinking like, what's the big dream now? And I think it really is a dream of from generation to generation. And the book that I wrote is.
is for parents raising children with ADHD, and it's, it's called as is accepting, forgiving, and empowering your child with ADHD and yourself. And it's really about raising your kids to [00:07:00] know and cherish who they are, who they came to us as. It's not who we wished they had been, who we dream. They be who we, all these things.
It's who they are. And so my big dream is if I can transform or impact this generation of parents. Which are really now my children, because they're, 24 to 28 years old. If I can transform and impact them now, then they can raise children who accept themselves more as they are, and then they can raise children who accept themselves as they are, and from generation to generation, that's my big goal.
As you say, my big audacious dream is to have that multigenerational impact and, and, and the, the big, big dream is to have schools. Adopt a lot of these philosophies as well, because our kids spend [00:08:00] sometimes more time in school than they do at home, and teachers have such an impact on our kids and it's, that's, that's, that's what I wish for, and that's the purpose of this book, and that's why I want to get it into as many parents hands as I possibly can, because even though ADHD is in the title, it's, I realize in re reading it many, many times, that it's not so much a book about ADHD, it's really about it.
Raising kids to to believe in themselves, whatever they are, and all our kids are different and all our kids in some way or another are out of the box and all our kids come to us as they as they were supposed to come to us. And it's our job as parents to help them uncover their strengths and I don't say discover.
I say uncover. They're already there, right? uncover their strengths, find what makes them light up, find what brings them joy. This to [00:09:00] me is our role as parents and, and then send them off with this sort of foundation and basis of confidence into the world.
Mel: Yeah. Wow. I mean, yes, like that's, that's, that's the dream.
That's your dream. And I'm like, that's the dream for every parent almost, right? Is to really be able to have our kids. accept themselves, believe in themselves, go out into the world and do whatever it is that they're going to do, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Shelley: You know, Mel, I have this, this story. I, it's like right at the beginning of my book and with your permission, I'd love to read it because it kind of sets the stage and If anybody, any new parents come to me for coaching or, and they're really floundering and they're overwhelmed and they don't, I, I start with this story because I heard this story at a lecture when my son, Sam so I have three kids, the eldest is Sam and he has [00:10:00] ADHD and anxiety.
And since he was my first child, I was really a newbie and ADHD newbie. I was totally freaked out. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to go. And I, this was the first lecture I went to on the topic and the lecturer read this story and it completely changed my, my view. So I'd love to share it.
It's called welcome to Holland. And sometimes I cry when I read it. So when you're going to have a baby, it's like you're planning a vacation to Italy. You're all excited. You get a whole bunch of guidebooks. You learn a few phrases to get around, and then it comes time to pack your bags and head for the airport.
Only when you land, the stewardess says, welcome to Holland. And you look at one another in disbelief and shock. And you say, Holland, what are you talking about? I signed up for Italy, but they explain that there's been a change of plans and that you've landed in Holland and there you must [00:11:00] stay, but I don't know anything about Holland.
You say, I don't want to stay. But stay you do. You go out, you buy some new guidebooks, you learn some new phrases, and you meet people you never knew existed. The important thing is that you're not in a bad place filled with despair. You're simply in a different place than you had planned. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy, but after you've been there a little while and you have a chance to catch your breath, you begin to discover that Holland has windmills.
Holland has tulips. Holland has Rembrandts. But everyone else you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a great time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you'll say, yes, that's what I had planned. The pain of that might never go away. You have to accept that pain because the loss of that dream, the loss of that plan is a very, very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to go to Italy, you will never be free to enjoy the [00:12:00] very special, very lovely things about Holland. Yeah.
Mel: Isn't
that wonderful? That's so wonderful. I think for, for every parent, You know, it's not what we're told it's going to be like, it's never going to be, it isn't, it's not Italy, but then when you go into, kids who are even more unique and who took us off to Holland or Germany or wherever, you know what really touches me is, I've met a fair few parents who have kids who have unique This in them in terms of whether it's a disability or a neurodiversity or whatever it might be and there is this this this guilt about That feeling that you just described at the beginning Right because yes, we're grieving not going to Italy.
[00:13:00] Yes. Yes, right. Yes I think that that story is really beautiful because it touches on like, that's going to be there. That's okay. Yes. And there's tulips and wood mills and, and, and.
Shelley: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And I talk about, there's a whole section in my book on forgiving, which is a little forgiving your child and yourself, which is a little controversial.
People have gone forgiving. What do you mean you have to forgive your child, you know? And I talk about grief because I've, and I know grief. I lost my mom when she was 52. I was in my 20s. I had breast cancer, lost my breasts and everything to, to cancer. I had a miscarriage, like I've grieved and I know the feeling and there is grief involved here.
And it's important to allow ourselves to feel it, not beat ourselves up over it. To forgive our children, perhaps. [00:14:00] Maybe it's not like a word that feels so comfortable for some people, but that's how I look at it, and say, Look, I forgive you, and you are you. And I forgive your teachers for not getting you.
And I forgive my in laws for not, you know, talking to you the right way. And I forgive myself for being frustrated with you sometimes. That forgiveness. And grieving is a part of that. And I think it's a really important, it's an important part of life and it's an important part of forgiveness
Mel: and freedom, really.
It really touches on that. You know, the title of this podcast is permission to be human. And that, that is the positive psychology that we have served. Ends.
Well, the, the word forgiveness may or may not land with the people listening to this. What we're, what, what we're touching on is the fact that that, that feeling, whatever you're going to call it, of not going to Italy is sitting in your [00:15:00] body, right? And how do we let it go through? We can't push it down or it will just continue to be there.
Shelley: Yeah, I mean, the concept of accepting our children as is the reason I have in the title and yourself is we have to accept ourselves as well in all of our, with all of our foibles and
Mel: all,
Shelley: We're, cause we're, we're all unique. Right. And you know, I, I remember really a very rock bottom day in the life of my son, Sam, the eldest, he was in grade four and I was getting calls.
Every day, every second day from the school, he won't sit down, and he won't do this, and he's not doing that, and he's not doing his homework, and, and, uh, They called me in yet again, this time they wanted to see me, and I got to the school, and I'm holding Sam's hand, and the school administrator is standing across from me, and I look at her, and I go, I think you hate my child.
And she looks at the floor and she goes, I think I do. [00:16:00] And I decided in that moment, everything was going to change because up until that time, I was trying so hard to fit him into the model of what, the obedient student should be. And it was all, I tried everything I could and I thought.
You know what? The problem's not with him, it's with me.
Mel: Yeah.
Shelley: I'm worried the teachers aren't going to like me, or I'm going to worry that, you know, judge me. Or, because they did. I mean, parents judged us, and they're like, What kind of parents have a kid that runs around in circles like that? Or what? And I just began to stop caring.
about what other people thought of me or my children standing there in front of that school administrator. It was like the lowest and the highest moment all in one.
Mel: Yeah. Yeah. And what a what a [00:17:00] gift and, and a strength for you to be able to say no, like, that's not okay. And then, and then make that decision.
I am not going to care what other people think about my kid anymore. What I know is that I'm going to love him as he is.
Shelley: Yes, yes, and it didn't come without challenge.
Mel: For sure.
Shelley: It's and I'm sure every single parent listening to this podcast can relate to that. That there are, there are days, moments, hours, weeks, you name it, that are excruciatingly challenging.
This, this book, I wrote this book to offer some support and say, you are certainly not alone in that feeling. And here are some thoughts on it. Also now that Sam and my middle son, Alex, also ADHD and dyslexia, and funny story, my youngest Sarah is [00:18:00] neurotypical and her first full sentence at the age of two was, and she'd put her little tiny finger up in the air and go, in a minute, in a minute.
I was always saying to her in a minute, in a minute, I was so busy with these two boys that were like, so full of beans, you know, so we kind of laugh about it, but it was, it was a, it was really a family affair. There's, it affected my, my marriage, it affected everything. And so the book is to offer, Support and understanding and encouragement.
It is really not a book about ADHD. It's really a book about compassion and connection, gratitude, all the ways that we can kind of ground ourselves when we're struggling, perhaps, with our kids and ways that we can help them also ground themselves when they are struggling.
Mel: Yeah. Grounding [00:19:00] ourselves in order to help ground
Shelley: them, right?
Absolutely. It goes back to the cliche, of course, put your, put your oxygen mask on first and then put a mask on your child. I mean, our kids are watching everything we do. They see a little twitch in our face. They, they become experts on us. And so if we can reflect confidence in them, like, Oh no, I know you got this.
They see it in our face. We don't have to say it in our words. They see it in the, in our body language, they, they, they read us like books. So it's so important that we, like I said, ground ourselves and have perspective. And if you're a math genius and your child is terrible at math, let it go because they're going to be, they're going to find great passion in something else.
And it's, it's our jobs to help them find that. [00:20:00]
Mel: And, and I think what, what you're touching on there is it's our job to help them find that. But to do that is our job to figure out ourselves, right? It's our job to figure out the dream. It's our job to figure out why we're upset because that dream didn't happen and it shifted.
All of them, you know? Yep. Yep. Yep. And. And that happens no matter who her kid is, honestly. And I think that inner work is where it's at. Like I can be grounded. I can control my emotions in that moment. And, you know, but as you say, they really know when you truly believe, yes, they can do something. My son, the other days he showed me something. Oh my gosh. He showed me some, I don't even know what a sticker or something like that, right.
He's six. And he says, mama, look at this. I went Uhhuh. And he goes, I know [00:21:00] when you say uhha like that, that you really don't think it's very interesting. . Wow. And I'm like, yeah, you're right hun. I'm sorry. How old is, how old is he? It's sort of interesting. He's six. Wow. Wow. Great. Like he, he does know that.
And it was the simplest little sound I was trying to like. You know, still respond, but I wasn't engaged. I wasn't, I barely looked at what it was. And it wasn't interesting to me, quite frankly. Yeah. You know, it's, it is that, that inner work of truly believing in yourself, in the reality that's there. And then that shows that you really believe in your kid and value of connection and all the things.
For me in that moment, it
Shelley: would be the value of connection, right? Absolutely. And you know, I have the, the gift now of hindsight, which is why I wrote this book now, right? Because when I was in the thick of things, I never could have written this book. Since the kids. moved out and went out on their own.
I've studied. I [00:22:00] studied at the ADD coach academy. I studied conflict resolution at Cornell. I've done, you know, and of course the flourishing center, the certificate in applied positive psychology. And, uh, so I have now tremendous hindsight. And my kids are old enough now that they can reflect back to me what meant something to them and what was important to them.
And both of my boys, Sam and Alex, were always out of the box thinkers. They never liked school. They didn't like teachers teaching them. telling them what to think. And I don't mean to say that about all teachers, but there are some teachers that really just want to hear their own opinions sort of reflected back.
There are also some amazing teachers out there. And so my boys decided they're, they're just under two years apart and they decided to not go to university. And instead they've always been very business minded. They've been [00:23:00] selling things and doing things since they're seven, eight years old, whether it's carwashing or whatever it is.
And they decided to start a line of men's skincare. They decided to start a business together. And we said, okay, my husband and I were like under the table. They, they sat us down. I remember it was a rainy, cold day and they said, mom and dad, we've decided to leave university and we're going to start this business.
And we're like, my husband and I are holding hands under the table, squeezing. And we go, okay, okay. What can we do? What can we do? How can we support you? And, and off they went. And. They're at 30 million a year now of income in this business. And they were voted onto the Forbes list for entrepreneurship. So it's with the hindsight and looking back, giving them the.
The support and it wasn't about giving them money. They raised their own money. It was just about saying, we believe in you. We [00:24:00] hear you. We see you. We hear that this is the path you want to take. And we see that you're serious and we will support you. And that made, now they're reflecting back, that that made all the difference.
But, but boy at the time, and we're going back about 10, 11 years, at the time it was less fashionable than it is now. And more and more kids are now saying, I'm not going to go to university, I have a different plan. But back then it was a little way out of the box. Yeah. And, You know, so it's nice to, to have that hindsight and they encouraged me to write the book.
And they said, and they were so, everyone in my family was so loving. I say, this was like a love letter to me because they all gave me permission to tell the story with their real names, with real details. They of course approved everything that I [00:25:00] published, but they said, mom, this is your story and you tell your story.
And yes, you can use our names. And so the book is filled with very personal stories of true stories that are painful. They're, they're painful. And it's been hard for the kids to like, none of them have read the book cover to cover. Cause it's hard. It's painful. But I talk about how we got through it.
And how they're doing now and what their reflections are on it and my reflections are on it. Lots of lessons learned, you know?
Mel: Yeah, and that lessons learned part is important and the gift of hindsight that you mentioned is important, right? Because let's use the example that I just gave, right? I could go beat myself up and think well I don't know how to make connection with my child.
I guess that's it [00:26:00] He's gonna grow up and just be disconnected and blah blah blah, right? I can just I can downward spiral that or I can say oh Oh, that's interesting. Forgive myself for it, because I was doing 60 other things that also needed to be done in that moment, or needed to be done, whether in that moment or not, you know?
Sure. And then go, okay, what's next? Right? Right. Yep. And as you say, like, the time when you were learning all of this, I'm sure you made tons of mistakes along the way. Oh my goodness.
Shelley: Because we do. Every day, sometimes many, many times a day. Absolutely.
Mel: Yeah,
Shelley: you know, there's I, I'm sure you remember this from the flourishing center, but the Hawaiian, uh, prayer or blessing ho'oponopono.
Do you know that [00:27:00] one? And it says, I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. Amen. And even if you have nothing to ask forgiveness for, it's this incredibly balancing and cleansing experience to say it and just to repeat it several times. It's, it's very beautiful. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me.
Thank you. Amen. And it just brings the whole nervous system down,
you know, because we're permission. We're just, we're just human and we're doing, we're all doing the very best we can.
Mel: Exactly. Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay, so, the question that's kind of on my mind, you touched on it a little bit, but I'm curious, like, what was it, what was it like to write a book? Because I'm sure that [00:28:00] lots of our listeners are thinking maybe, like, that's something they want to do one day, or they've tried, or like, you know, but what's it like?
Sure,
Shelley: sure. The, the short answer is, it's extraordinary. And for me, my goal was to finish it. Because I'm kind of known for having some very fabulous ideas that I do not take to their ultimate conclusion. I, I was a baker for three and a half years and the next step was to rent out a big bakery and have, I was baking out of my house rent out a bakery and hire employees and I, No, I stopped.
Like I get, I get a little bit scared and when things get too big, I think, and I stop. So when I got the idea to write this and it was it doing the certificate through the flourishing center really encouraged me because we had to do a final project. And I said, I'm going to write the first chapter for my final [00:29:00] project.
So I did. And then I got some very supportive and loving feedback and I thought, okay, I'm going to do this and I need to finish it. Goal number one, and I wrote for one year, and I sat, I got have sort of ritualistically would get up in the morning, take my shower, get dressed in real clothes, because my office is at home, and sit down at my desk, and I would research, research, research, write, write, write, write, write, and it took a year.
And, uh, I worked with Live Life Happy Publishing with Andrea Seidel, who is wonderful, and, uh, she was extremely helpful in encouraging me to continue when I was losing hope that I could finish this book, and, uh, the feeling of it being finished and then seeing it Printed is I cannot put into words what that felt like and like I told you at the beginning this feeling of everything kind of coming together [00:30:00] Was this this beautiful moment when I opened that box for the first time and opened it and there were my books And I just thought like it's all come to this Everything I've ever done Has, has brought me to this moment, you know, and 30 seconds before you and I started our conversation, my son, my 28 year old son, Sam, uh, tried to FaceTime me and I texted about to get on a podcast and he said, good luck, mom.
I'm proud of you. You know, and I, yeah, and I thought like it could have gone so many ways with him. It really, it could have gone so badly. It just could have. And if I'd stayed on that trajectory of, I want everyone to like him, I want everyone to like me, I want him to fit in with the whole world. I want, he wouldn't be.
A Forbes 30 under 30. He wouldn't, I don't know that he'd be married with a baby and he's like an amazing father. You got to see him holding this, this baby girl. And [00:31:00] I look at him and of course, as a mother, you'll see, as your child gets older and older, you still look at them as though they're, you know, three years old, cause they're always be your babies.
And I look at this grown man with these, these six foot four with these big hands and this little baby girl. And I'm like, This is, it's incredible. So writing the book and looking back over our whole journey has been intensely enriching. I grew so much and learned so much from putting the whole story together.
Reflecting on it. And one other little piece that kind of like I feel like I need to say is that I lost my mom before I had kids. She died of cancer when she was 52 and we were very, very close. And I've grieved her absence a lot. And when the kids were little and I was struggling with the ADHD and the schools and mean parents and all this, I would, I would [00:32:00] mourn.
I wish I had my mother, maybe she could help me, guide me, you know. And I realized in writing and finishing this book, how she is 1000 percent in me, in the way that I parent. Because she very much accepted me as I was.
Mel: Yeah.
Shelley: But I didn't know it at the time, nor did I have a name for it. But I was different too.
We're all different. You know, I was into music and theater and I did, I went away from Canada. A lot of kids don't go away to university, but I wanted to go away to university. And that was a little out of the box. But, and she was very interesting. In whatever way she could was very supportive and loving and so I realized in looking back, she is fully with me, even though she's not.
And that was, I, I write about her at the very beginning of the book because, it just all came clear to [00:33:00] me.
Mel: That's beautiful. You know, this word, the word that keeps coming into my mind that funnily enough is, Also, very front and center on a sign in front of me, but I wasn't even looking at it, is courage and practicing courage. Right? Like when you first started talking, you know, almost, almost, uh, beating yourself up a little bit about like, I have these big ideas and then I get all excited and I start moving and then I step back and say, Nope, not right now.
Right. And immediately when you started talking about that, and as your story went on, I was like, yeah, but you were, you were practicing courage. You practice a little step at a time and you said, actually, like, I'm good right now. Let's move on to the next thing. And I think that's a really important [00:34:00] topic for all of us.
Right? Because I could say the same thing. I have so many limiting beliefs and stories for myself that I am battling all the time because I am the big audacious dreamer. Right? And I'm sure that many people listening are as well. Yes. Thanks. And then, you know, it's easy to say, it's easy to say, I'm not a finisher.
Yes. That's the story. Yes. Yes. Yep. Absolutely. Bliemann Hackey finished a book, firstly, just saying. And along the way, you know, each of those big ideas, You are practicing the courage and that is, that is finishing too. That is the steps along the way to get to this point where you've finished a book.
Shelley: Yeah.
That's such a lovely, positive, growth minded way to look at what I described. And I appreciate that because I think I'm going to use the word courage in my mind to replace some of the other ways I've described myself over the [00:35:00] years, you know. And to anyone listening who's like, Oh, I wish I could write a book.
Oh yeah. I say, don't think of it as a book, write a paragraph, just write a paragraph and then maybe write another paragraph. And so maybe you write a little four page story, or maybe you write something just for yourself or just for someone that you cherish to read or, you know, one step at a time. And that's truly how.
I raised my kids was one step at a time because if when I started to worry, that's when things would fall apart and to think about the future and what if and what if and what if this and what if that and and you can't control. anything about the future. You can't, you just can't, no matter what your kids come to you with, you know.[00:36:00]
And so it, the, the concept of being present and being in the moment and one step at a time. And that's how I wrote this book really, truly.
Mel: And I think there's this you know, this is something I'm, I'm constantly reflecting on is as a big dreamer and the, the futuristic, you know, strength. It's okay to think big, to have all those big audacious dreams, and then we get stuck in that middle space of like, yeah, but we don't think we're a finisher.
We don't think it's not hap because we're, because we're thinking like ten times bigger than the average person sometimes, right? Yes. Yes. And it's hard to fill that gap from the tiny little, I call them laughable, step we could take right now through to making this thing happen. And we think we have to actually start on step 50.
Shelley: Yes.
Mel: Yeah. It's the little step, as you say, it's a little step. Yeah, [00:37:00] I'll put it out there that like, I'm going to write a book one day. That's one of the big dreams. It's I just. I just tell myself that and like, when I'm ready to start writing, I will start writing and taking those tiny steps. I want to be on a TED talk.
Those are like my two things. And I'm like, but what am I going to write about? And I'm just going to let that be in the air. And as soon as that decision, you know, it's not even as soon as that decision is made. It's like, as soon as, you know, an inkling of an idea comes, then I'll start to write about that and see how it goes.
Shelley: Yeah. And when the time is right, because I'm sure, you know, your listeners look at you and go, Oh, I wish I would love to have a podcast, but I don't know how to do that. How do I get started? How, you know, and here you are with a podcast. So everybody's doing something. Yeah. And that took
Mel: four years to do.
I'd like to point out. Right? Four years of me thinking I'm going to have a podcast. I almost launched once and then it, you know, it's not like it happens right away. Of course. Yeah. And actually, you know, if we use that as an example, I had to, I had to rein [00:38:00] myself back from what the big dream was in that.
I just said, I want a podcast. Great. Okay. I love the idea of a podcast. This is the big dream. And if I think in too much detail right now, I'm not going to do it. So my first one was. make a trailer, put it up. And then six months later, I'm like, okay, like, I have to do something with this. Start having conversations with people and record them.
Yeah, yeah. Instead of like, you know, getting lost in the tech and getting lost in the SEO and whatever you do and how am I going to build this and you know, there's so many different things that if I did that I wouldn't have gone into action.
Shelley: Yeah. So that's a great lesson, you know, of, of doing things in small bite sized pieces that feel right.
I always tell my kids that, like, life is like a tree with its many, many branches. And no matter what branch you go up, there's always a new branch to go to. And then from there, there's a new branch. And where you are right now is where you were meant to be. [00:39:00] And, you know, so no regret, no, like, and I learned a lot from my sons really in watching them and they've been building this business from when they were 17 and 18.
They're now 27 and 28. And boy, were they examples of one step at a time and they were told no 100 times and they never gave up. And like, I learned a lot. I learn a lot every day from them. And when I think about when I wrote this book and was remembering where we came from. You know, uh, I mean, my son, Sam, couldn't be in a carpool with other kids.
He just couldn't behave well enough, you know, and, and I look now at where he is and I see that really, it's really about building their confidence, building their confidence and helping them see that they are exactly where they need to be. [00:40:00] today, right now, you know, and where that's going to lead. Just take a breath, take a breath, confidence one step at a time.
So what's next for you? Super great question. The part I don't like, and I'm kind of struggling with is the marketing of this book. Uh, I love writing, but now my mission is to get it in as many people's hands as possible. And not even so much because I want to make all this money, but I want to help as many people as I can.
And that's a I don't know very much about. And I'm, I'm, I'm learning. So that's kind of where I'm learning to swim right now. My other big dream is to write a children's story that goes with the book.
That, so parents read this book and they can then read the children's book with their child. So that's the next dream I would say.
[00:41:00] I've started drafting some ideas and you know, it's, I'm just like, right now, I'm here talking to you. That's what matters today. Maybe a cup of tea. Yeah.
Mel: Exactly. Exactly. Brilliant. Well, thank you for joining us today. We're, we always finish with one question, which is, what would you say is your top tip to the moms who are listening or the people in a mothering kind of life who are listening and, , they have these big dreams, maybe they want to write a book, maybe they, you know, whatever it might be, but they have this diversity coming in, challenges coming into their life, what would you say to them?
Shelley: It's, I have two that kind of, I have three that immediately pop into my mind. Okay, I'm going to go with the one that just came to my heart. And that's the power of yet. And the power of the word yet. [00:42:00] Is all you do is take something that you've told yourself you cannot do. Like I said, I don't know how to market my book.
And I simply add the word yet. I don't know how to market my book yet. And it totally changes the tenor of that statement. It changes, it goes from down to lifting up and makes everything possible. So a child that says, I don't have any friends. You don't have any friends yet, or a mom that says, I'm going crazy, I'm so overwhelmed, I don't know what to do.
You don't know what to do yet. And that perspective, that growth mindset that can really, I use it to this day all the time.
Mel: I love that. Yeah, I use it all the time too. My son gets really annoyed. Because I can't do this yet. Yet. Stop saying yet! [00:43:00] Right? But that's okay, I don't mind him being annoyed because it's getting inside his head.
Absolutely. Yeah. And the one that comes to my mind is like, you know, relating back to our conversation and, and your journey that you were just describing is
I haven't completed one of my big ideas.
Shelley: It all comes back to permission to be human, which is why I was so excited to be on this podcast because I knew from the title of your podcast that we would be very like minded and and I love that. And YET is about being human. Being human. You know what you're, you're making me think of, do you know the poem, The Guesthouse?
No, I don't think so. Oh, please let me read it. Please let me read it. It's in the book. It's written by Rumi, and it's [00:44:00] perfect for what we're talking about. It's called The Guesthouse. This being human is a guest house. Every morning, a new arrival, a joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor, welcome and entertain them all.
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
Mel: Hmm. Lovely. Yeah. Isn't that beautiful? They're not comfortable, but greet them as a guest. Absolutely. Thank you. Okay, so if people would like to find you and or your book, where will they [00:45:00] go?
Shelley: They can find my book on Amazon. And tell us the title again. It's As Is, Accepting, Forgiving, and Empowering Your Child with ADHD and Yourself.
I found if you type in As Is with my name, Shelly Lippman, it usually pops up. Or you can go to my website, which is ShellyLippman. com and the link to buy the book is on there as well. And it's Shelly with an E and Lippman with two Ps. Thanks.
Mel: That's what I was about to say. That's great. Okay. Thank you so much for joining us today, Shelly.
Thank you. I read your book. I recommend that book. It is great as, as a parent, in general, and as a human, you know, it's, it's beautiful. So thank you for sharing, for writing that and thank you for showing up and doing what you do.
Shelley: And thank you. And thank you for everything that you do. You bring a lot of light to the [00:46:00] world.
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That is it, folks. This has been Mel Findlater on Permission to Be Human, the podcast, and I am so glad that you have joined us here today and hope that you have taken away some tidbits that will help you go away, connect with your big audacious dream, and make that massive impact in the world that you are dying to make.
If you liked today's episode, please, please, please Like it, share it. Think of one person. Think of one person that you think would also like it and send it on over to them. Let's get this out there and more moms feeling like themselves. Inspired, Dreaming big and out there. Please do head on over to find me on Facebook with permission to be human or Instagram or you can even Off me an email and say [00:47:00] hello.
Have permission to be human always at gmail. com say hello and let me know that you listened. What did you like about it? I would love to hear if you didn't like it. I don't really want to know. Just kidding. You can share that if you want. I would love to know, however, who you are. Let's connect. Let's find out what you want more of.
I want to hear from you and I want to make it what would be useful to you. As always, remember that you have permission to dream big, permission to feel big, and permission to be you. You have complete and full permission to be human. For real, you do.
