Episode 52 - Meet the host Anniversary week
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Welcome to Permission to be Human, the podcast. I'm your host Mel Findlater, mother, coach, and curator of Permission to be Human, the company and community. If you're a mom, know a mom, or want to be a mom, and you crave getting out in the world to make a difference, then you're in the right place. This is a space for moms like you to connect with yourself, your purpose, and your big audacious dreams.
Because when you feel your best, you can better you, your family, and the wider world. Let's do this.
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Happy birthday to us! It is one year since this podcast, Permission to Be Human, the podcast has come into fruition. That's not even counting the trailer that happened a little while before. I'm so [00:01:00] excited that, one, I've made it this far. being consistent every single week. An episode has come out Tuesday morning, 7am PST.
And you know what? I'm so excited that people are listening because I really believe in this message that mothering is what's going to change the world. And you moms and you people mothering with big audacious dreams, we need to support you to be your best self. Right. And to have those big dreams. So thank you so much for showing up and listening to this podcast, whether you've listened since the beginning or this is your very first episode, I am so, so grateful and appreciative for you being here right now.
We have some exciting stuff this week. Every single day, there'll be a podcast episode coming out at 7 a. m. PST. That's just a crazy amount of [00:02:00] work, but it has been so, so worth it to bring this to you at 10 a. m. PST each day, Sunday to Saturday from May 12th, we will be having a Facebook and Insta live with really short, short episodes, but ones that are super tangible where you have a tool to walk away with to help you get over overwhelmed, get over overwhelmed.
Because it's hard to dream big when you're still in survival mode. And let's face it, sometimes we're overwhelmed in this life that is mothering, right? So show up on those. And at the end of the week on Saturday, I am going to be giving away two pretty incredible prizes. I'm going to be giving two coaching packages for possibility coaching where you get to work with me one to one [00:03:00] and look into what your big audacious dream is and how you can get there.
I will support you. I will cheer you on and I am so excited to do just that. So two packages are coming your way. For those people who do the following, you need to like the Facebook page, permission to be human. And if you're on Instagram, you need to get on there and follow us on Instagram, permission to be human coaching.
And finally, to really support this podcast, please go on Spotify and rate us and follow us. That will also make sure we get in your, in your list. So it shows you when a new episode comes up. And if you're on Apple, then you can go in there and rate and write us a review. That really helps me and the podcast to be seen by more people.
So thank you. [00:04:00] And yeah, I'm gonna, whoever does two, at least two of those things will be entered into a draw. And on Saturday, I will. Find some magical online tool to pull it out of a hat and see what, see who wins those two coaching packages. I'm going to add another one on and I'm literally just thinking of it right now, which is, I have a beautiful bookshelf behind me.
If you're just listening to audio, you can't see it, but it is lovely and color coded and gets commented on a lot. And I'm going to let you pick your favorite book off my bookshelf and send it to you in the mail. So that's pretty awesome. These books are full of like science backed tool, positive psychology, inspiration, parenting, strength based models.
There's so much good stuff up there. So I'm going to send you a book that will be a third prize. So hooray, [00:05:00] hooray, it's one year. Enjoy the podcast for today and we'll see you soon.
Mel: Hi Sarah. Hey Mel. I am handing over the hosting microphone to you today which I just realized isn't actually plugged in. So I'm going to plug in the hosting microphone.
Sarah: Amazing. You're plugging in the hosting microphone even though I'm hosting. I love this. Yeah, exactly. Well, welcome everyone to this takeover of Mel's
Beautiful podcast, Permission to be Human. My name's Sarah, and I am very many things to very many people and and very luckily a dear friend of Mel's. Or she is a dear friend of mine. I don't want to put a, put a judgment on how you feel about me. I'd reciprocate that. We met, a long time [00:06:00] ago as two Canadians in Cambridge, in England, and have been in and out lightly of each other's lives, and then probably maybe five, six years ago.
Maybe a bit more than that now, actually, realized how compatible we were and how connected we were in the way we felt about things and wanted to live our lives and have been really close friends, business partners, charity community builders and and everything else in between happiness, conference attendees.
And so I'm delighted to take the microphone. And today we're going to have a deep dive on permission to be Mel, really. So welcome, Mel, to Permission to be Human, and congratulations on this absolutely incredible milestone, that you've managed to hit, I mean, I [00:07:00] think we've talked about you doing a podcast for a number of years, and then you, you told me, you know, it probably wasn't that much longer than a little over a year ago, and you just went, I'm going to do it and you have done an absolutely amazing job, a stellar job and shared so many different topics and, and really, you know, it created a space and talk through all these different topics for us.
Navigating world, the world as mums or mums to be. So welcome to your own podcast.
Mel: Thank you, Sarah. And I love that you're, I love that you're here doing this with me. You're one of my favorite people in the world. It's so funny. We, we showed up like a little insight for the people listening. We showed up and we're like, so just to make sure we're on the same page here.
No prep, we're just having a conversation, right? And because that is the style of both of us. And I know that our [00:08:00] conversations are always good. They always have depth. And I was hoping that people could get to know me a little bit because, well, I share my, you know, ideas and such all the time. I share very little about myself.
I'm quite modest in that way, in general. So, this is an opportunity to share a bit more about me. And I love that you're like, permission to be Mel. I'm like, oh, I feel like I already won. at doing that, so I can't fail, no matter what I do. Right?
Sarah: Tick mark! Tick! Tick, we're done now. Tick! Amazing, that's so wonderful.
Well, I'm going to turn the tables on you, because I was listening to some of your episodes, relistening to, you know, familiarize myself with stuff. Just beforehand, and I realized you start all your podcasts by saying who is to your lovely guests, and I'm sure They enjoy it as much as you're going to so I would love to invite you to tell us who is Mel
Mel: Who is Mel and in the same way that [00:09:00] all my guests are like?
Flubbergasted. Is that a word? Flubber? What's the word? Flabber. Flabbergasted. Flabbergasted? Thank you. There's a little insight into Mel. I like big words but can very rarely pronounce them or remember them correctly. Anyways. Who is Mel? I'll start with the labels because that's what comes into all of our heads, right?
Which is a mom of two kids. I have a A now nine year old. She just turned nine and one's about to turn six. I know, it's crazy. I have no idea how they got that old. And I, I've always felt like I was different than everybody, growing up. I always felt kind of like I was watching from the outside. And that I didn't understand why all these rules existed.
That I didn't see why. Like I always [00:10:00] wanted to ask why. But why do we want to do that? Why do we have to do homework for tomorrow? Like, tell me the reason, right? And I remember this I remember this math teacher I had. It was like, I I'm like, I'm actually pretty decent at math. Surprisingly. I don't know why that's surprising, but it is surprising to me because, you know, sometimes when you're good at the more.
People stuff. The math stuff isn't so much, but I was actually pretty good at math and I'd skipped a, skipped a grade and I tried to do math 12 twice and the second and, and I went away for like a soccer tournament or something. 'cause I was quite competitive back then and came back and couldn't catch up.
So I canceled the first year, tried to do it again. And this teacher, I said to him. He's trying to explain, I don't know, something super complicated. And I was just like, but why do I need to learn this? Like, why is this important? I need to understand why this is important. And he just looks to me and he could not [00:11:00] tell me why.
And I was like, I quit math the next day I went to this student counselor and I was just like, do I need this course? Cause I don't like, so that's me in a nutshell. I've always felt like I need to understand why we're doing something and that everything has to have purpose. And, And I've never really felt like I needed to fall in line with every little rule that happens in society.
And yet have this weird balance of wanting to, like, also be a rule follower. Like, it's kind of both. Like, I, I don't step super outside the, like, I don't, not to the extreme, but I do. Yeah, I'm a rule challenger. Let's put it that way. I like to, my daughter's the same. I think of it as like, I like to, and she likes to know what the rules are to decide where I'm going to bend them.
Like, I like to understand what they are to get the real picture first and then decide. [00:12:00] So, underneath it all, that's what I am. My good friend Lou Shackleton, who was on Recently on the, on the podcast, she one time called me a Y bird, and it's really stuck with me. Apparently that's a thing in the UK, people there might understand what it is, but like, I will, I will question everything, and that's just, just who I am.
So that's, that's me, honestly. And there's lots of other labels I could give to myself, but that is, that is underlying someone who wants to question the way the world works, because if it's not working for everybody, it's not working is how I think about it. So let's
Sarah: change those things. And so I think I hear you being just super curious, actually.
You're not, you're not questioning the rules cause you, Like are just trying to be cynical or anything, but you're just trying to deeply understand. So curious and understand the questioning.
Mel: [00:13:00] Yeah, definitely. I hear that. You know, if you went into character strengths, love of learning is, is top of mind.
And I think that that curiosity. Has always been there with me. Like, why, like, what is this? Why are we doing this alongside this, this deep desire to make a difference in the world? Like those, if the essence of me is those two things, like, you know, some of the work I used to do, we called ourselves the change the world gang because like, and that's big and audacious and like just too much, honestly, but it, it is at the core of what I want to do is somehow make A positive difference in one person's life in tens and thousands, whatever it ends up being, but this real desire to be curious, to help make things better.
Sarah: I love that. And you always talk about, [00:14:00] you know, your big audacious dreams, your big audacious goal. Tell me about this because I think this is You know, you, you say the positive difference in that tens of thousands of people. I love, I love how passionate you are about making a difference, but I want to hear you talk about it.
Mel: About why I want to talk about big audacious dreams. Is that, is that what you're asking?
Sarah: And maybe about like the size of impact is kind of what I was hearing there.
Mel: Hmm. I think that's a really interesting question because when I started this podcast, I didn't really care who listened, like how many people listened.
I cared who, but not how many people. And I really truly believe that if one person listens to this and then makes a positive change in their life, that makes them feel more fulfilled and gets them closer to flourishing and reaching their dream, which is [00:15:00] going to then make a difference in the world.
Which then ripples and has someone else make a difference in the world like that is enough for me So yes, I want to reach tens of thousands of people, but it doesn't have to be directly through me. You know, it's more about Reach that small group of people in order to reach the big ones because the ripple effect is there that is what Doing good does, right.
And, you know, I was just talking on Tuesday, but before this episode actually airs, there's another one coming out by Jacqueline Way and she's 365give, which is about giving every day of the year. And we were having this conversation about how, about how it is just, it can just be one person and me helping one person and giving to one person also helps me.
And that's where happiness comes from, is us doing good in the world, [00:16:00] right? And I love that. And I can totally own that. Yeah, I want to make a difference in the world, but it's also because I want to make a difference to me. Like I want to be happy and I want to, I want to feel my best self so that the people around me also benefit from that too.
Right. So it goes full circle.
Sarah: I love that. So for people listening, and I bet you've probably dropped in little bits and pieces of this. You, I think you have such a fascinating journey, story, journey, however you want to get it to where you are now. And talking about making a difference in the world.
You've done some incredible work, big and small, and individual and, and, and group and community and world. So maybe just touch on some of, [00:17:00] how about some of your favorite, Parts of that journey, the work you've done or the people you've worked with.
Mel: Yeah. You know, it's really interesting because
it's hard to, to, to decide what the favorite is. I actually like that, that you use that word because as, as everybody does, I look back at them and I think, but it didn't do this or, but it didn't do that. Right. And forget the, it did this and it did that. And. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So as soon as you started doing that, I'm like, Oh, what do I pick because this didn't succeed in this way or this didn't, you know, but actually when I go down the favorite route, it's about what brought me alive.
Right. So a bit of a background on it. So after, actually I'm going to start a little earlier. So when I was 16 years old, I went to a summer [00:18:00] camp. And it was called Camp Rainbow, which I loved. They've now changed the name, but I think it was perfect. And it was a leadership camp, and I'd never been to summer camp before.
Actually, I went at 14, and I stayed until I think I was 17. I kept going back, and then counselled at it, etc. And at this camp, it was the first time I really felt community, and love in that community sense. Right? I felt like I could be completely and totally myself. And at that age, that's a very difficult thing to find.
You know, we're very self conscious when we're teenagers, right? And it was a sleepover camp, and I felt this just real sense of like, this is where I'm supposed to be. So from that, I then decided like, That's what I want to do. I want to run this camp. That was my like, big audacious dream as a teenager, right, or something like it.
And, [00:19:00] and so I counseled that I volunteered there. I did all that stuff. And then I went to university did a general year and then went into something called child and youth care as my degree. And Because that was the closest one I could find that would lead me down that path. And I've never thought that the name of that degree was very good.
It's a BA, a Bachelor of Arts in Child and Youth Care. But it's, it's similar to social work, but you don't do the kind of hard parts of social work as much. Although you can, you can go down that route, but it's never one that I wanted to. But it teaches you how to work with people, right? It says you work with children, families, children, youth, and families.
I'm like, well, that's literally everybody. We are one of those things, right? So it taught me and it really allowed me to bring forth all that sense of curiosity and that why I was constantly writing like 20 page papers about self reflections on how my background or my thoughts or my biases [00:20:00] affect this, that, the other, right?
And I loved doing this degree. And it was broad. I didn't have to choose one thing that I was going to go out and do in the world. Cause that's not who I am. I still do in the world. Right. So it worked for me. It worked for me. So I did this degree and left and didn't know what I wanted to do, except I wanted to travel to every country in the world.
That was the dream at the time. So I met my now husband and we, we got together and the second half of university and I, We had one year of me working like six jobs at the same time and like after school cares and camps and like all the things and youth work and yeah, just all the things I can basically fit in Quiznos, like, you know, like it was great.
It was
Sarah: great. It was great. Subway at the
Mel: time. Exactly. [00:21:00] I remember those years. Right. I did what I could. And then a year after we decided to go to England. And I wanted to travel and my husband had already done the, a little bit of the backpacky thing. So he's like, I'd rather go stay somewhere and then we can travel around from there.
So, because he had a British passport, we went over to England and we were going to go for one to two years. At least that's what I had, like how I got my dad to not have a heart attack about this concept of me going overseas. So we went for one to two years, quote unquote, and it was 14. And so in those 14 years, honestly, my adult life was in the UK.
And that's where I met you, Sarah. In various points along the way, funnily enough, but we ended up together at exactly the right moment. Yeah. Oh my gosh.
Sarah: Yeah. Yeah.
Mel: Exactly. But going back to your question, you know, what are my favorite parts of that journey? There are ones when I got there, so I applied for a few jobs and I remember I got [00:22:00] accepted to two.
One was at a hospital in a teenage cancer unit and it was doing the kind of recreational program with the, with the teenagers that were there. And then the other one was at a charity that. Worked in the disability advocacy space. So it was really working with young people and adults who had learning disabilities and supporting them to Learn the skills to live more independently and to be their best self So I applied originally for a job there as a like program leader kind of thing, like go do the work with the people.
And then after my first interview, they're like, I want you to apply for the manager job. And I was like, what? Like, I'm fresh out of uni. I don't know what you're talking about, but I did it. And then I got it. And I accepted that job over the, over the cancer unit one, which I, to this day, I'm [00:23:00] very thankful that I did because Well, it would have been super impactful and I would have learned so much in the other role.
I now realize how much of a sensitive person I am and it would have torn me apart to be in that setting at that stage in my life, especially when I wasn't as self aware. So I chose this other role because it was, we called it member led, right? And that's what made them want me to, to apply for the manager because in the I, was asked to work with a little group of people and then present back what we did to the whole group.
So they had the members, the people we were working with in the interview with us. And I loved that. I was like, Oh, that was great. And then we got to the presentation stage and I was like, but like, this isn't me. This isn't how I do it. So I started bringing up the people that I was working with [00:24:00] and said, Hey, can you share what we did?
And I, you know, so I, and that was the epitome of what they wanted, essentially, without telling you that. So that just shows you that that's still who I am. I really believe that the people, whoever it is that we're working with, have to have ownership over what their life is, as what coaching is, right? I can't tell you what to do with your life.
I can't. Right. You have to decide what it is. And so I did that work and I loved that work the, for the first six months, I loved that work. Right. It was incredible to be able to work with an incredible team of people to really challenge myself to like step into the role of manager and be like, Oh, like maybe I can do this.
Right. Because I loved actually, I loved managing. I love, I set up programs, like nobody was taking lunch breaks. So, so I somehow managed to get them to agree at the upper level to give me a pot of [00:25:00] funding to buy some gifts. And then we had, we had this chart that you had to fill out. And if you took a lunch break five times, you got a gift and the lunch break isn't at your desk.
Like you got to go, go do something. At least like, yeah. Right. Which is like the opposite of what most places are, but it just shows you that's like the beginning of what I realized. Is the way that I work and where my belief system sits and how work should be is that we're all human and we're meant to be there to enjoy what we are doing.
Right. Not meant to wear ourselves into the grounds. Like that's not how it is, you know, and don't get me wrong the people who weren't, they weren't taking breaks because they loved what they were doing. Actually, because it was such a great place at that time. But it was, yeah. So that kind of went on from there.
Eventually I ended up leaving. I went from a small charity to a large charity in a very quick amount of time. I had my first mental health crisis in there. I had, was on beta [00:26:00] blockers and all the things because I was in this position of having to tell people that they might not have their job and that I needed to go home.
I have no control over that, but I still have to tell you the bad news, and that's shite, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. So a bunch of us, like, long story short, in there, we got together and we started the Change the World game. We're like, no, this is not the way it should work, right? They all have the same beliefs as me, many of which had worked in that organization and were made redundant.
And, and that was my favorite part because that's when I started to become me. Was meeting up and dreaming about how we were going to change the world. I just came alive. It was the concept of doing good, but also the concept of doing it with other people. Like that's what we knew. We didn't know exactly what we were going to do.
We knew we want to change the world and wanted to do it together. And we want it to be [00:27:00] fun. Like, that's what we wanted to do. And we had some core beliefs in there that, like, it needed to be inclusive, because we'd all just worked with lots of people with a variety of different disabilities. But it wasn't about disability.
Right? It was about people. And We ran events like Misfit Local where people from the community who identified with our message of being misfits in society would come and listen to these amazing talks and have these conversations with people and look a little surprised when someone with Down syndrome stands up and says hello.
And introduces the evening, right? Because they're there for the same reason, because they feel like they're a misfit in society and because they want community and connection. And so we connected people based on interests, as opposed to based on the fact that they have whatever disability or ability, right.
And that was the main difference that we started to make there. [00:28:00] So that was like, that's when everything changed for me was taking the leap out of. An organization that I no longer believed as much in, it didn't fit with my way of working anymore. I loved bits and pieces of what I was doing, even in the larger organization.
I ran a team of training and consultancy, a team of people with learning difficulties who then went and trained about disability awareness. Like that was amazing, right? I just supported them in that process. But it could have been so much better than it was if I, if I was doing it the way I wanted to.
So, so starting, starting this change the world game changed my world. So I guess we succeeded. And I got to start playing with ideas cause that's what I love now. Right. I remember [00:29:00] going down to London one day with Lou and meeting up with someone who we just like met on Twitter and, Sitting by in Hyde park by the water and just like coming up with lots of ideas.
about something. I don't remember the exact topic. And I remember going home on the train and going, I wish I could do this. This is what I want to do. And, and Lou kind of just like, was like, Oh yeah, that would be nice. Like, and then I just kind of put it aside and now I'm like, no, this is what I want to do.
Like, I want to help people come up with their ideas. Like that's, that's the space I come alive. That's what I'm good at. And that possibility zone is, is me. So I've talked a lot and I, I've maybe answered some of that question that you asked.
Sarah: Like a little, you got there. I'm going to, I'm going to draw you further out.
So this, I was going to say, it's okay to talk a lot today. It's all about you. It's fair. I'm [00:30:00] not used to
Mel: talking a lot. I just, these, these episodes that come out that are like just me talking. I figured that nobody listens to them, but they do by the way. But. I, and I'm just like, it's just me rambling.
What do you want to listen to? Anyways, I'm
Sarah: allowed permission to be Mel today, right? Permission to be Mel today. And we're going to dig into a couple of those things a little later, but I'm still, we're still telling the story, which is good. Cause I think it's really important when we talk, you know, we're celebrating you and your accomplishments and your achievements.
And, and I think this is such a great insight into how, how do you get, And I think, you know, we're now, I think I can tell, talk about our age. You're cool with me talking about, we're in our forties and it's just kind of like magical time. I feel like it's a magical time where you can kind of go and say, like, there's all these things good and bad that if they hadn't happened.
And in the time I didn't even know what they were doing, but they've all now lined [00:31:00] up so that right now, here and now, I am the perfect person with the perfect experience to do exactly what I'm doing right now. And if I hadn't done one of those things, I couldn't do this. And so I think it's important for you to share that story for people so they can understand.
Like already now I start to go, Oh yes, of course this is, you know, I am reminded about why you are where you are and how you're doing all the things that you're doing. So, so I, I, and one of the first times I met you wasn't a Misfits Local, and I can just say as someone who kind of didn't really know what I was even turning up to because I've been brought by a mutual friend, and it was the first time I'd ever experienced something.
And I'll probably say this badly so you can either edit it out or tell me how to say it correctly. But often, there is, you know, people without disabilities. Doing [00:32:00] things to, to showcase people who have disabilities, doing it for them or putting them in a place or it's a, and, and the first time I ever saw something be what I would call truly inclusive, which meant everyone was fully welcome and present and able to be themselves, irrespective of how, I guess the story of their life that they showed up with, was at that, that time.
Evening that you hosted, and I was have always been and have been so blown away by that moment of going. That's what I had always seen as missing, because it was, it felt very much, and someone now described using the term empowerment as that. It's mine to give you. And I think I'm doing a bad job of expressing this but.[00:33:00]
But all the other things I had ever seen in that space were about empowering. So giving something to people, you know, like they couldn't do it without you. And actually that what you created was a space that was actually equal, that was actually available for everyone. And so I was blown away. And, and even though we'd met a few times before, I think for me, that was the time where I was like, wow, wow.
There's something very special about this amazing human. And I want to get to know her more. But I know you did that multiple times and in multiple ways. That was just mine. I'll just say we did that because
Mel: that
Sarah: was
Mel: a collaborative effort. And, you know, actually Lou is one of the, and Ruth, like Lou, Ruth and I are, are a part of the core team.
And then we had Ames and Angela, and we had a core team of people that were, were working towards this. And, and you know what, sometimes it's [00:34:00] challenging because actually. A lot of the times it's challenging and so rewarding at the same time because I have to question my biases of what someone can and can't do.
But when I think about it now, I'm like, yeah, but I have to do that all the time, right? We all have different strengths and weaknesses and things we're working on. Things were capable of it or not. And yeah, it was, it was definitely a wee effort and that part of my journey, which is why I shared that part of my story was hugely impactful to who I am now.
So do I have that inclusive community right now? The way that I would love it to be not yet. However, what I do have is the same belief system underneath where I truly believe that. Each human that comes my way is exactly that a human with all the little bits and pieces that make them who they are. And I'm always thinking of ways [00:35:00] to.
Make it more inclusive from a disability perspective, but also perspective, but also from a like financial perspective, like You know, there's a lot of people that do not have the privilege that I have in life, and how do I support them? They, they deserve the same development opportunities, and the same, opportunity to, like, Have the support to follow their dreams and figure out what those are right and it's in some ways even more so Because they're more in survival mode So they need support to get out of that so that they can start to get the next stage So this is something that definitely like underlies everything that I'm always thinking.
It's also why I'm not a millionaire. Because I could have taken my work and made tons of money by now if I was willing to compromise that value of [00:36:00] mine. Right. But instead of jumping forward in a business plan, I'm thinking, yeah, but there's still this part missing. How do I support everyone when you're supposed to niche, right?
Like, how does that work? And I've definitely moved myself along that.
Sarah: That's amazing. Thank you. But then what, what happened after this bit? So then
Mel: it came to the point, oh, so then, yeah, it came to the point where some of the projects that we were doing, we, you know, our little, our little changes, the world game started to split up into our own projects, essentially, and.
You I started one called the ordinary super parents. And the reason I did that is because. My mothering journey, which if people have listened to a couple of [00:37:00] episodes, I went more into depth in that, but was not an easy one at the beginning, getting to that point. And, you know, after three years of trying, trying, it was IVF and then miscarriage.
And, you know, I finally got pregnant and I went, Oh, like, what does that mean? Right. I'd spent so much time trying to get to that point that I hadn't really thought about what comes next, which sounds a little crazy, but it is.
Sarah: I think it, I think it makes a lot of sense. And I think a lot of people have been on that journey now because you know, it's, it's a different time.
People are having children at different times or trying to have children at different times. Now, I think it's, yeah, you spend so much time thinking about
Mel: the how. You're in the moment, right? Yeah. Exactly. You're in the moment of how is this going to happen, that I wasn't in dreamland, which for me is weird because I usually am thinking about the future, right?
And [00:38:00] so eventually I got to this point where I was like, oh, so now I should probably like, what's this going to be like? And then I started to get a little concerned because, I. I have been known to have a fear of commitment. I, you know, my husband and now husband and I were together for eight years before we got engaged.
And honestly, what got us to the point of engagement was me saying us having a conversation about, but if I want to just piss off and go travel the world for a few months, like, are you good with that? And he's like, yeah, of course. And I was like, okay, I love you. Like, you're still gonna allow me to go and have adventures on my own.
Right, I, I needed to feel free. That's, that was a big part of it. Even within commitments. And it was the same thing for children. You know, I needed, so I got to this point and then all of a sudden I was pregnant and I was like, oh no, freedom. And I got into this little panic [00:39:00] about what does that mean.
So I started researching who, like people who were maybe still doing. Adventurous, like spontaneous things that society thinks you have to stop when you become a mother. Yeah, yeah. And it was hard to find. It was hard to find these people. I found one here, one there, you know, and then I found something called the Yes the Yes Tribe, say yes more and, went to a festival in October in the very cold weather of the UK, after having my kid and she was, I think maybe eight months old.
And I remember looking, I was like, this is it. This is it. This is it. Like we have to go to this next year because it was like that weekend by the time I found it, Eric, I found this thing. We need to like, I think next year we're going to go to this. And I kept sitting with it. I kept reading it over and over again.
I was like, I think we have to go this weekend. He's like okay. So we had never [00:40:00] camped before with our, our baby and it was freezing cold. And and it was glorious because I found people. That we're talking about adventures, but even then there was only one or two scattered within that that were parents, right?
And instead I ended up feeling a little bit like yeah, but you can just piss off for six months I can't just I can't just go do that now, right? I've got this kid So I wanted to collect them together, the people who were doing the things. And I pitched it at the like free mic at the end of that event.
And the community started from there and the ordinary super parents became this group of people who are willing to, who were wanting to and willing to, and looking for inspiration to go and find adventure in a life as a parent, both with our children and without the ordinary everyday adventures and the bigger.
Wilder dream adventures. And we were an online community as well as having [00:41:00] like, we had in your backyard, Sarah, we had an event. One of our first events. Yeah. Yeah. Sarah has the most amazing, you have the most amazing backyard. So,
Sarah: I don't know English one, super skinny, super long. But in a British sense.
No, it is Canadian sense.
Mel: Who has a woodland at the end of their like of their backyard or garden as we say. So we invited a bunch of people over, didn't we? And they were, there was like at least two, maybe three families who had never camped with their kids before. And this was a safe place for them camp in your backyard.
I remember at one point, it started chucking it down rain. And we we just went inside. So we had the freedom to, to feel that safety while stretching our boundaries and having that community. We shared [00:42:00] meals. We had a big fire, like it was so beautiful.
Sarah: Lots of people with little kids, lots of people who had been scared to try it because it is scary.
So yeah, you kind of create those bonds. Those nice boundaries of like, it's okay, you can just go sleep in the house if it gets too much, or yes, your kids can go and have a bath before they go to bed, you know? Exactly. And I still think to this day I might have to run something
Mel: like that again. Yeah,
Sarah: totally.
Mel: Yeah. Yeah. So that was kind of the start of it. And we went from there, we had other camping trips, we ran a happy family camp, at this double decker bus that had been converted. Yeah.
And I'm going to keep having a coffee fit for a moment.
Sarah: Okay. Let's just pause.[00:43:00]
That's what I was worried was going to happen to me. That's been happening.
Mel: I've been talking a lot.
Sarah: Yes.
Mel: Just let it happen for a moment.
Sarah: Yeah. Yeah. You can't try to hold on to it. It'll keep going. Exactly. Okay.
How's it going? I think I'm good. Yeah. Okay.
Mel: Yeah, so happy family or happy, what was it, what did I call it? We are happy parents. We are happy parents. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. The camp was happy family camp. We are happy parents became its own company.
Yeah, so we had this amazing [00:44:00] camp in your backyard, and then we ended up shutting down, or pausing, the organization, the You Can't Hub, which is what it was, the change the world became. Yeah. And you and I, I needed someone to come on board, so I'm like, Sarah, can you be my, my director with me?
Yep. And of course, you're like, yep, let's do it. The best director meetings ever, often in a pub with food and drink and
Sarah: all that. Or at the house with wine, I think. Your house, my house. That definitely happened. Often there was naked children running around in the background. I think almost always, like, that might have been my fault.
Yeah, I mean, that was a thing. That never didn't happen in the early days.
Mel: Yeah, totally, totally. And that ran until I left the UK which was when my daughter was going to be starting kindergarten in Canadian standards, because that's a year later. And we decided to move back in March 2020, which was a whole nother story, but
Sarah: that's a whole different story for
Mel: [00:45:00] not, not for today, not for today.
That can be a whole episode. I can share that whole other episode. But yeah, it was, that was the start of me really venturing out and realizing that I am an entrepreneur and has definitely got me to where I am. I wish there was more closure. And that thing I had planned on like being able to come back and run events and, and, you know, I moved in the height of COVID and it just had different plans for me.
So, but it was so, that was one of my most favorite parts of that journey was getting to just work with you. And we would have like, you were doing other things as well. This was part of what you were doing. You have your own amazing, amazing company that you were running called happy coffee. And we always had this.
You know, nice link of like the same desire of what we were trying to do in the world. And [00:46:00] we would have, what are we, did we call them coworking days? I can't remember. I think so. Yeah, I
Sarah: think
Mel: so. And like, those were my favorite days where it'd be like, I got to get something done. I'm bringing my like one year old, two year old, whatever old they were at the time over and we took turns.
Look at after having
Sarah: meetings, taking them outside for a play. Yeah, absolutely. And it was, you know, as like two, I think at the time we were pretty successful businesswomen, trying to navigate, how do you do this with small people who you want to have with you? And I think I was listening to one of your, one of your earlier episodes talking about that, you know, like the only option you saw as a mom was to stay at home, Yeah.
And to be the parent or to parent in the way that you and your family want to do that and, and I didn't ever quite have that option, but I [00:47:00] also knowing myself now and knowing where I am, I, I wonder if I would have anyway. And, you know, when I was on maternity leave from my job, I started my own kind of charity thing, which then ultimately led into the business that I started.
And, But that was that sense of having a community of someone else who understood the type of parenting that we both kind of wanted to give and, and, and the importance of going and getting our brains tickled and actually being kick ass business women and being successful and selling ourselves and, you know, hosting amazing communities and inviting incredible groups of people together and, you know, Yeah, frankly, just smashing those dreams is I think you were You were really pivotal for me in being able to,
I think even before we knew that this was where your business was going at the [00:48:00] moment, you often gave me permission to be both those things at the same time, just through our friendship and stuff. And then, you know, when we went into a more kind of formalized coaching sessions, you actually gave me a permission slip at one time.
I recall, I don't even, honestly, I can't even remember what it was for at this point now. Do you remember? I can't remember either. I can't remember
Mel: what my permission
Sarah: was. Permission to be
Mel: a human, I think. But
Sarah: it was just like, yeah, like an actual, you know, like you used to get at school. And so many times I realized even earlier today, like something I'd been noodling on in my head, that, that opportunity for someone who understands you to give you permission, which you didn't need.
There was absolutely nothing in your way. It changes the, like, flicks the switch for a lot of us, I think. So it's really funny to have seen that and then, but yeah, those co working days were really special. And I think, yeah, [00:49:00] I used to have yours and you used to have mine and we'd throw that around.
It was absolutely brilliant.
Mel: Yeah.
Sarah: So, so then, as you said, you made the wild dash across the world. Totally successfully, by the way. Amazingly, still surprised. I mean, oh my gosh. And you landed back in Canada 14 years later, a few more children and a few, few, I'm sure experiences and and, and other things that came on in the luggage that were not just things.
So what have you been up to since?
Mel: Well, honestly, the first year was survive. Yeah. Literally, pandemic and coming to a new world is what it felt like where I wasn't allowed to meet people. It was my darkest times in that year. You know, I had pretty young kids still. One was just turned two [00:50:00] or was just turning two when we moved.
And the other five and, you know, helping and managing them. And I just like threw myself into that. And I should point out, you know, yes, I decided I needed to be that parent who stayed home. And that was never my plan. I never ever wanted to be a stay at home mom. That was not on the cards for me. Right. I just never envisioned the person that I would be.
And then situationally it just came up. And once I had kids, I realized that actually the alternative to that seemed worse to me. So that's what I ended up choosing alongside, like you say, tickling my brain by a million things. When we came to Canada, I got to this place where I, I didn't see purpose anymore.
I didn't see possibility. I did my best. I cleaned the house a lot and I, got really into like building out my kids bedrooms, which like, In [00:51:00] another life, I would be a children's play space designer, because it really like made me come alive, I learned woodworking, I learned how to sew, like, all these amazing things that slowing down like that gave me the experience.
opportunity to do. And I realized I was getting to the point where I didn't feel like me anymore. And so I started to explore learning because I knew I liked learning. And I knew I, I was, I was like, I'll go back to university. I always enjoyed writing papers weirdly and like stuff like that. And I I started searching like I was gonna originally when I went to university I wanted to do psychology but then I took a couple psychology courses and I was like these are just like multiple choice exams memorizing this that and the other and I like this isn't what I Aspired to be so I started searching and eventually I found this applied positive psychology course through the flourishing center and was like, [00:52:00] it was written for me, like the way she described it was very good marketing directly, right?
She, she could niche, right? She knew how to niche, but she niche in the way that was like changemakers. She talks to change makers and uses those words. And I'm like, ah, you're my gal, right? You understand why we're doing this. We're out there to make a difference. And so I started this course and it was nine months long and it was.
Meeting twice a week for like two hours and all these other people who are also going through the challenges that is COVID. And you know, we're online meeting, talking about very in depth stuff. And some people are there in order to do this as a career and some are there just to develop themselves.
And I didn't know what I wanted from it, honestly. I just really loved learning the material and learning about how the brain worked and. [00:53:00] As I read it, I was like, I do all this stuff, right? I say all this stuff, but I don't have anything to back me up. It's all just my experience. I never felt like I was fully valid in saying everything because.
It was just like experiential, just just my thing where applied positive psychology gave me the science behind it to say, no, this is actually what has been studied and shown to work. Now I'm like, ah, we got to share this with the world. Right. And alongside that through the same organization did my coaching at the same time.
So a positive psychology twist on coaching and Amelia, who runs that is just incredible. And. Her coaching style is, it's so me. Like, it is just get, get into curiosity. Trust that the other person has everything they need and everything they need they, they need. everything they have they need, right? And that changed my [00:54:00] life, and I know that's totally a cliche, but honestly going on that course was the exact moment that I needed it, both of those courses, and helped me believe in myself again.
I got coaching by doing coaching programs, so I was able to work through some of the stuff that, you know, was the trauma of that move. And was the trauma of having a second kid, and ankle surgery, and all the other things that came in with that, right? And I finally started to feel like myself again. And, and then it just got to me going, okay, let's do something with this.
My final project was a podcast. For that course and alongside a good friend of mine, Deb Bradshaw, who I will convince to come on this podcast one day. I'm going to send her this episode
Sarah: so
Mel: she can hear it. She'll kill me. But, you know, and we were going to do a short [00:55:00] podcast series on community because community is top of my values, right?
And then I waited another like six, seven months, no, a year. It was a year and then eventually I was like, I'm doing this. I'm just doing this. And here we are. I just have tried not to overthink it. If anybody out there is like, I've, I've always thought about a podcast, but what do I have to say and do people really want to listen and I don't have the time and you try to think through all the little details of exactly like, how do you get your SEO right?
And how do I get this set up? And just forget all that nonsense. Honestly, like do whatever needs to happen and whatever the task is, whether it's a podcast or something else, like. Just start I just committed to doing it and I committed to do it every single week And it is the best thing I've ever done for myself, right?
I hope it's out there helping people [00:56:00] I've talked to people of listen who say it it is But it is the thing that has gotten me into momentum Because it's something I've committed to doing every week. And it's not just me blabbing every week, right? I am forced through my own commitment to go talk to really cool people.
And by doing that, I get energy, and I get ideas, and I get momentum. And that's the best part of it all, right? Like, yeah. Because some days I wake up and I have something scheduled to go and talk to someone like, Oh my God, I do not feel I'm doing this today. Right? Yeah. Yeah. And then I come out and of course I go and do it unless I'm sick or something.
I, you know, it's not like I never canceled, but if that's, if there's no reason behind that other than like, I don't have momentum today, I talk to someone, I get inspired and I have energy afterwards. So for my own mental health and [00:57:00] wellbeing, it has boosted it because it's connection. It's community. It's community.
Right. It's purpose as well. It's me saying, Oh, look, I did do it anyways. And I'm now I have something to put out next week. Right. And it's learning and it's learning every day, every single time. Yeah.
Sarah: So with that in mind, I mean, I love, I love your story and I want to, I want to just talk to you, but obviously let's let's make this part of the podcast.
So, you sent me some of your favorite episodes. And maybe can you no, I'm going to ask you like your favorite thing about these because you sent me the list and I was listening to them. But actually I'm going to, I'm just going to quiz you because then you don't have to, then you don't have to think about things all on your own.
I'll be slightly more gentle to you. Let me just find you. So I love that [00:58:00] this was your first one. I was thinking it would be, but, but I'm glad that it was. Catherine Edsel episode 20 for anyone who wants to go and listen to it. Give us a, you know, one minute, why is it one of your favorites and what was the, what was the best thing about it?
Mel: So that one was one of the first like, dream ones I wanted to get. And it's so funny. It was like, I get taught this over and over again, but it's someone who I really admire. Catherine is so incredible. She's done a TED Talk. She's doing this amazing adventure stuff. She was part of my life in the Ordinary Superparent kind of part of my life, right?
She was part of the Yes Tribe. I saw her speak at that first Yestival I went to and slept outside in October, right? And her [00:59:00] whole thing was, you know, so the actual title is I wanted to go out and change the world, but I couldn't find a babysitter. I And listening to that, and that's, you know, her TED talk and what it's all about, it impacted me so much of those early days of motherhood, because it was me in a nutshell.
I was like, yeah, but how? Right? And she was the first person that I really, connected to on that level, I think, but I didn't know her that well back then. Right. Yeah. And I think one of the reasons that's my favorite one is one, the content a hundred percent. She is incredible. She's doing, she's picking woman off to Namibia to do a matriarch adventure. And like, I'm just, so I'm going on that one day.
She knows that I'm like, you got to keep running it because I'm just waiting for the right year for me to be able to get there. She also runs one with kids, like with, you could do a daughter mom one. And that's like the dream. My daughter has to be 12 [01:00:00] first. So I, she's a role model. She inspires me by the work she does and she's a real human.
That's the lesson that I learned. In getting her on fairly early on in the podcast, right? Is that she said yes. And we had a great conversation. And when we went to the UK last March, we met up and had a chat and had a walk. And, and it's so easy for us to look at these people that we think are so much further ahead of us.
Or better than us in some way and think that they're just not human. And she's just a wonderful mom who has done all these things and wants to share it. So that is why and that is what I want other people to get out of it. So that is why that is one of my top episodes.
Sarah: Totally recommend it. I re listened to it this morning in preparation for this.
Second one, episode 21, Permission to Feel Overwhelmed. [01:01:00]
Mel: Yeah, so that's, I honestly don't remember exactly everything I said in that episode, but it was one of my, my solo ones, and it's the ones that people have come who have listened and said, I, like someone, I listened to that three times. That's exactly what I needed to hear.
And I think, I'm so passionate about that as a topic, that this is what it is, that us as mothers, we are overwhelmed most of the time, unless we intentionally set aside the time, space, tools to help ourselves get out of it more quickly, right? So to me, that's just, that is one of the core messages to get out there is that it's okay.
You're going to be overwhelmed. Yeah. Absolutely. We, we tell people who are pregnant, all these great things about motherhood, but we forget to tell them that it's overwhelming. And then you get overwhelmed and you feel alone and like, you're the only one that feels this way. And. That's not the [01:02:00] case. Yeah.
And everyone else looks like they've got it
Sarah: together and yeah, they're not overwhelmed and they can look at what all the things they can do and yeah, we're, we're, we're all, we're all there. Yeah. I love that. What happens when mothering is a verb? Oh, and this one, it was like, it was like lovely, beautiful, lovely.
And then Hit me right in the heart at the end.
Mel: So you were a part of that one without knowing it, right? So when we met up last year and we went to the, the happiness summit, world happiness summit in Italy, just so randomly, like, do you want to come with this? Yes, I do. Yes, I do want to come to Italy. Do you want
Sarah: to just come to Italy to the world happiness summit and like, you know, in the most beautiful, like Lake Como, should we go there?
It's like. Hang out. Exactly. Exactly. I was like,
Mel: I don't even care what the conference is. I'm going to hang out with Sarah in Italy.
Sarah: Yeah.
Mel: But also I'm the highlight
Sarah: of that. [01:03:00]
Mel: But while we were there, I found myself, because, yes, the conference was great, I was excited about the topics, but I honestly was there because I wanted to see you in your space doing your thing, because this is your conference in some ways, to me, it was.
So I, I kind of, I naturally found myself falling into this role of mothering you while we were there. And when we started having these conversations about what that meant, you know, I'd be like, you haven't like, have you had breakfast? Like I'm just going to bring you some, okay. You know, like just in this, in this way that is, no, you're not my child, but yes, I, I, with your permission.
I would like to mother you right now, right? And you know, in our conversations after that, that was really helpful and what you needed in those moments. Oh my gosh.
Sarah: Yeah. And it's so funny you said that because when you were, when I was listening to it, that's exactly what I was [01:04:00] remembering that day in the kitchen where you said.
I really feel like I want to mother you while we're here. Is that okay? And it was everything I needed and not just like some of what I needed. It was everything I needed. So it's funny that that was what came about.
Mel: So, and it made me think about this fact that we are mothering is, is, is a verb, right?
Like you don't have to be, and it also makes it more inclusive, which excites me greatly. Like you can be listening to this and not have a child. Yeah. That has come out of your body, right? Or not have a child that you've adopted or whatever it is, it's, you can still be, you can mother. Mothering is a verb and it, it helped me down this path of realizing that mothering is what's going to change the world.
And that is now like the purpose and the vision that I have. go by. So I chose that one because that was a pivotal moment where I realized that that is the [01:05:00] vision and I could put words to it.
Sarah: Oh, that's so exciting. And it's so beautiful. I can't, and then to try to like, to try to explain it in words is hard because I feel like actually the mothering the verb is a feeling that you get when someone
takes care of you. But it's not just, not just like physically but mentally and emotionally and holding space and noticing those things and, and taking, taking the mental load for you and just, you know, creating this bubble of love and support. And so, yeah, that is probably what the world needs right now.
A lot more. Well, that's
Mel: what that is the village that's in the cliche,
Sarah: right? It is.
Mel: Yeah. And it doesn't even have to be the same person all the time, but it's someone that can just hold that for you. So you can feel the weight off your shoulders, even if ever so briefly. Right. Yeah.
Sarah: Yeah, totally. Next [01:06:00] up, Nick, Nick Heap, who I know has been a big part of your life for a long time in and out.
Yeah.
Mel: Yeah, he has been and I chose that one because of that. He was a big part in me figuring out You know the next stage of what I wanted to do No, that's not even who I wanted to be Is what he helped me figure out my next stage of and gave me, you know, worked with me as a coach and we did like co coaching back and forth and, and he's this experienced man, the first and only man so far to come on the podcast, who I really admire his way of being.
He's so gentle. He's quite a bit older than me. So very like experienced in life, you know? And, yeah, I picked that one because. His message is incredible. He's just if we just listen the world would [01:07:00] be better. Yeah, wouldn't it be? Yeah, and that sits in my curiosity space, right? Yeah, and that actually with the whole journey of coaching and learning all these things So it might not come across like this as a podcast host.
You think like I'm pretty good at talking to people By my whole life I've really struggled with small talk. I've really struggled in a, in a space full of people that I don't know, or that I know very little. I've struggled at school drop offs knowing what to say to people. The other parents that are there, like meeting people, like, how do you do that?
How do you have a friend as an adult? How do you start that conversation? Right. And the reason I bring that up is because Nick was part of that journey and coaching was part of that journey of figuring out. It doesn't matter what you say. Don't talk about yourself. Just be curious. Listen. [01:08:00] That's it.
That's what connection and relationships are, you know, like, what do I really want to know about this person who's just dropped off this kid? Like, how are you? No, like, how are you? For real? Or I noticed that you were in a rush yesterday. Like, how's it going? You know, like, It's not about me talking about the weather or something in, like, that is not interesting.
And it's not about me trying to, like, share about myself all the time. It's about just being curious. And that listening thing that, that Nyx talks about is, is that. And that was a pivotal time for me. And I still struggle in those situations, but a lot less. I can remind myself that, just be curious.
Sarah: I love that.
And it's funny because when you were talking about everything that you were and that you were interested in at the beginning of this actually, what I heard was you, you are curious. So you just actually have to be you.
Mel: Pretty much. [01:09:00]
Sarah: Lean into that. Yeah. Episode 35. Lean into your purpose.
Mel: Yeah, I think I really picked this one because purpose is such a big part of my message and my work as well.
And I've had a lot of conversations about it. A recent one with my husband about like, what is purpose and, and how it can come across as like, we have to find that one ultimate purpose in our life, right. And it can be this very striving mentality and that's not what it is. That's not purpose. It's purpose is the sense of knowing.
That you matter and that you have something to give to this world and you're making a difference in some way. And that could be something a little different each day in terms of action. Right. I don't need to know. I don't have to choose one career to have [01:10:00] purpose. And despite what they'll teach me in high school, right?
Like I don't need to know what I want to do when I get up, grow up. I want to do is just something different each day that has purpose for me and the world. It makes a difference somehow. So I chose that one. It was, it is a great conversation with Linda and the topic of purpose is just so core to, you know, that is what big audacious dreams are, is finding purpose is within yourself.
It's not out there in the world. It's already in you, it's just a matter of like stepping back and looking, looking deep within. That's
Sarah: amazing. Episode 38, permission to ask.
Mel: Yeah. So this one is a top, another topic very close to my heart, right? It's very easy to not ask [01:11:00] for help. It makes your life a lot harder, but it's very easy to not do it. Right. And it's a big one for me. There's Amanda Palmer is like one of my dream people to get to come on this podcast one day.
She's written on my board over there. If she ever happens to run into this podcast under my dream people, because she really helped me realize that asking for help is a gift to somebody else. Right? It's going back to that mothering thing, if we think of that exact situation in the kitchen. So you didn't ask for help with your words, but I saw it.
Right? And me, if you had asked me, I would have felt so much privilege and gratitude for being the person that you trusted to help you. Yeah. Right. And so often we think that the other person will be put out and we forget that it's [01:12:00] actually gift to them. And part of the gift is trusting that they'll say no if they have to.
Yeah. So it's giving them the gift of you trusting them to say no. And sometimes depending on your relationship, I might say, you can say no to this. It's okay. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to trust that you're going to, you're going to do what you need to do. And I would love it if you could help me with X, Y, or Z, right.
Okay. Thank you. So it's a big topic. It's one that, so another little tidbit from my life, I can, I can stick a link in the, the notes somewhere, but, I went to the world domination summit, which is like the best name conference in the world, in my opinion,
Sarah: it's also a really different kind of conference, I know
Mel: it's in Portland.
I'm not sure if they run it anymore. But it is Chris Guillebeau runs it. Ends. Lou and I went over when I still lived in England, but we went to Portland, Oregon to go to the World Domination Summit is not [01:13:00] what you tell the immigration officer that you're like customs officer that you're going through.
Like, don't tell them the name of the conference. I did not. I was just like, I'm going to a conference anyways. At this conference, I was, I had pitched before going to be one of the, like, quick speakers. They had like five minutes. Things up on the stage and they hadn't gone back to me and I show up and, and they, said, we chose you.
We want you to be one of these people. I said, Oh, okay. Meanwhile, Lou and I had this like mischievous plan of showing up in robot, me in a robot costume and her in a superhero costume. And we did like, What do you call them? Like freeze moments? Like out in community? Oh, like flash
Sarah: mob, flash mob. Flash mob style, right?
Yeah. So we had
Mel: people like, like pretending to be superheroes, putting on capes we brought and like, me and the robot. Cause I was a robot in mediocrity. So it was like the nemesis of all the superheroes. [01:14:00] We had people from the conference taking part in this. And then they told me this and they were like videoing me.
And anyways, so then In my mind, that was part of the story, even though it's not the story I pitched to them. So I showed up on the stage in front of 2, 000 people with a, like, literally wearing a box. And as you do, right? But in a way, it was almost totally like a
Sarah: legit plan. Yeah!
Mel: Totally, totally.
It was almost like it was my costume. Right. And I actually, the first thing I did is I went on the stage. I had this boxy helmet thing on as well. Went on the stage and I took my helmet off and I said, it's time to step out of the box. And then my talk was all about asking for help and how there's 2, 000 people in this room.
And if we ask, each of us goes and asks for help. Someone if they need help and how can I help you or can I offers a particular type of help then we've changed 4, [01:15:00] 000 more ripple effect, right? We've given them the honor of helping and I specifically went into the inclusiveness of that as well Like I was telling a story about a young man with down syndrome who you know Think about it.
How often is he asked for help if he could help he asked for help all the time But asking him for help in return gives him this sense of pride and purpose and, you know, like asking for help is such an important, important thing that we gift, we can give the world. And we need to remind ourself of that because we get, we need help as well.
Sarah: Right. We all do. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. We're not, we're not even, we're not built to do this on our own. And yet somehow we keep telling ourselves that we fail if we haven't, right. Yeah. I love that. And then the last one on your list was the Give 365, which isn't even out yet. So this is like a [01:16:00] prequel post.
I don't even know what this is. It's a prequel right now, but by the time they listen to this. But it will be a sequel? I don't, I don't really know. I don't
Mel: know.
Sarah: Yeah.
Mel: Anyways. Yeah. But it is do you know what? Jacqueline Wei is someone who I didn't expect to say yes. To be on the podcast. I watched her Ted talk and was so amazed.
And she really, really reminded me that doing good in the world. It's really important to me. So this whole journey of entrepreneurship and trying to figure out how to niche down and who I want to work with. And, you know, I niched down to moms and then I was, and I kind of shifted away from the change makers, quote unquote.
And then I realized that it's all one, you know, it is about making a difference in the world. And I love how Jacqueline really has come up. She took a. [01:17:00] She took a project that she ended up doing with her son, her three year old son, where they would do something good every day, you know, give every day that could be picking up garbage.
It could be baking for the local fire station. It could, you know, anything big and small that she did for a year with her, her son and turned it into a charity. And it's this big thing now, but it started with something so small. It's not what her vision was. She didn't go into this big audacious dream of running this thing and then think about how to make it small.
She just started doing it. Then the dreams started to come, then the vision started to come. And I really love that, the simplicity of that and also like reminder that, yeah, I just really wanna do some good in this world and I wanna help other people do some good in this world. So that's the, yeah, that's why I love that episode.[01:18:00]
Sarah: I kind of, I, I'm gonna wrap this up, but I'm, I'm gonna also, but I'm gonna do it. I hope it will end kindly. I'm sure this will be fun. When we were talking about what you wanted to get out of today, you said lots of cool things and you were all of those things. And then you said this line, and because this is for moms, this is who this podcast is for.
I'm going to pull you on it and then I'm going to bring you around. And you said these words to me now, you want to feel like you accomplished some stuff.
And I want to challenge you on that. Because I think if you had been interviewing me and I had just told you those stories and talked about that on episode 46 of my podcast and all [01:19:00] of the people you've touched and the things you've done and the life that you've led and everything you've learned and all the things around that.
What would you tell me about if I said I wanted to feel like I accomplished some stuff? What would you tell your friend?
Mel: I would tell you exactly what I would tell me, which is
everything that has happened until this point is exactly what needed to happen to get to this point. And it's not about the stuff. It's about who you are and who it's helping you become. And that has been a journey to get to the point of truly believing for me. [01:20:00] And I think the reason I said that as what I wanted is because, so what I don't mean by that is I don't, when I say, you know, I want to feel like I accomplished some stuff.
I don't mean I want others to feel like I accomplished some stuff, right? Because actually I think others already do. And it's more a challenge back to myself of like
celebrating what I have done to this point and like really celebrating. It's being grateful for it and seeing the positive angles of that, right? Because I can tell you the things that I didn't do, how it didn't get to this point or didn't do, you know, I could go into all of that. Easy. That's the easy way.
Exactly. Right. And.
And I think it's really interesting to, I think the reason I [01:21:00] came into this conversation of what I wanted out of this is because as a podcast host who I can, you know, I can state the 10 percent top 10 percent rule that, you know, all the great things, I think people listening. Can put me up on a pedestal and think, wow, like she's done all this stuff and then belittle themselves for not.
And I kind of want to help people realize that they've all done all this stuff to get them to this point. And that actually it's okay that this didn't finish or that didn't happen or whatever. I am still so proud of what I've done to get to this point in time. And I am excited about. what will happen.
Because I do feel honestly like I'm on the crux of something right now. And it's really exciting. And something really cool is going to come out of this. And it already is. [01:22:00] And some real tangible change that I can hold on to. Will and maybe already is happening. So I want to feel, and I do feel looking at, you know, what my journey has been.
I feel like it is valid and I feel like I'm valid and I have officially achieved permission to be Mel. Right. I should officially be Mel.
Sarah: Yeah. I love that. That's where you got to. So how about we final, final finish up. Easy for me to say. By saying what, you know, we're celebrating your anniversary of the podcast, it's a huge celebration. What are, I don't know, one, two, three things that you would like to celebrate? [01:23:00]
Mel: I would like to celebrate just getting the shit done and like, it's a good shit. Like I say that very well, you know, not overthinking for the year and just doing amazing thinking and I'm pretty good at it. Right. Yeah. And I am celebrating the fact that I. I, I couldn't have got this done if I overthought that's, I put myself in a position where that was not possible.
So I'm celebrating just doing it, just going for it, just doing it, accomplishing it. There's only one week where an episode didn't come out and that's because I thought I pressed, pressed the thing and did it. So I'm okay cause the work was done and yeah, getting to where we are. That's, that's, I think the [01:24:00] first one, I think I'm celebrating my own voice and the courage it takes to put, put that out there and to ignore, or just kind of like watch in passing the thoughts that will come, the limiting beliefs that will come and have come as I do that. And that it doesn't matter if it doesn't reach everybody. It doesn't matter if each episode doesn't hit everybody the same way.
It's about just finding that one person who it does. And if I can make that one difference that ripples out, that's amazing. So yeah, celebrating the courage to put my voice out there. And the third is celebrating all people mothering in the world and everything that it [01:25:00] is bringing to our world that has a lot of darkness in it as well.
Mothering is the light. It is the, it is what the world needs. And I am so excited to hear any stories that people have of how they're doing that, because that's what lights me up. Like I love, I love hearing those stories and sharing those stories more widely for others who like hearing those stories.
Yeah. And yeah. So celebrating the listeners, celebrating those out there, mothering and doing good and, and about to do good. And they don't even know it yet. You know, and they're already doing good because mothering your kids is doing good, you know, and Yeah, so that's what I'm celebrating is those those things
Sarah: pretty amazing.
Well, thank you for inviting me to celebrate [01:26:00] you. I will Hand the microphone back to you and hand hosting duties back over I Hope you enjoyed making today all about you.
Mel: Thank you. It's a funny one. I have really enjoyed it because I love every conversation you and I have, Sarah, and that's why you are the one that is here, because it's not always easy to just talk about me. But I'll do it with you. So thank you for coming and, and taking the host host seat from me, Sarah, you do have a podcast as well.
I do
Sarah: have a podcast. So like Sarah's voice,
Mel: like go and listen to that. You are like the knower of all things, how to help people be happy. Especially in like the business world and. I, I love that that's the space that you put yourself in [01:27:00] because it is yet another way of making that impact in the world in all of the different ways that you, you have done and are doing now.
Sarah: Now
Mel: tell us the name of your podcast so we can go and find it.
Sarah: My podcast is called Thriving with Sarah and Jenny, and you can find us. basically wherever podcasts are found.
Mel: Nice. I love it. Thank you for joining me today. It's always, always a pleasure to chat. Total pleasure. And, yeah, speak soon. Okay. Bye.
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That is it, folks. This has been Mel Findlater on Permission to Be Human, the podcast, and I am so glad that you have joined us here today and hope that you have taken away some tidbits that will help you go away, connect with your big audacious [01:28:00] dream, and make that massive impact in the world that you are dying to make.
If you liked today's episode, please, please, please Like it, share it. Think of one person. Think of one person that you think would also like it and send it on over to them. Let's get this out there and more moms feeling like themselves. Inspired, Dreaming big and out there. Please do head on over to find me on Facebook with permission to be human or Instagram or you can even Off me an email and say hello.
Have permission to be human always at gmail. com say hello and let me know that you listened. What did you like about it? I would love to hear if you didn't like it. I don't really want to know. Just kidding. You can share that if you want. I would love to know, however, who you are. Let's connect. [01:29:00] Let's find out what you want more of.
I want to hear from you and I want to make it what would be useful to you. As always, remember that you have permission to dream big, permission to feel big, and permission to be you. You have complete and full permission to be human. For real, you do.
