Permission to not make new year resolutions and what to do instead
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[00:00:00] Welcome to Permission to be Human, the podcast. I'm your host, Mel Findlater mother, coach, and curator of Permission to be Human, the company and community. If you're a mom, know a mom, or want to be a mom, and you crave getting out in the world to make a difference, then you're in the right place. This is a space for moms like you to connect with yourself, your purpose, and your big, audacious dreams.
Because when you feel your best, you can better you, your family, and the wider world. Let's do this.
/Happy new year and welcome to 2024. I honestly can't believe how fast this year has gone. I'm sure many of you were thinking the same way. I think when you're a moment, it. Changes time, right? Like they say, the months are slow, but the years are fast. And that is what it [00:01:00] feels like. And when your kid has grown three inches in one year, And their face turns into a child instead of a baby or at a teenager instead of a. Kid.
It really does put some perspective on time and, uh, yeah. So happy new year, we are in 2024. And as 2023 comes to a close and this new year begins. I wonder. How are you? With the beautiful chaos of Christmas over and the late night, new years complete, most likely with some cranky kids running up. On not quite enough sleep today. How are you? Is your hurtful. Did you manage the inevitable stress that comes with expectations of the season? And gathering of the larger family.
How are you?
And when you check in with you. Really, how are you? Not how are you kids? I [00:02:00] can't tell you how many times the woman in my life, when I asked them, how are you? I, the answer I get is. A story about their child or their house, or. Someone or something else. And we take it to the next level. How are you?
And now suddenly a year's passed and we start a new one.
And I always enter a new year with a little bit of sadness over. The fact that the past year has gone, but also excitement at the new beginnings that this year presents, right? It's a new start to things. And I think that can feel quite good.
It's a great time to check in with ourselves. How are you now? And so many people at this time of year, they go ahead and make new year's resolutions. Goals that are often a mile long. Of things that they want to change about themselves or new habits that you want to [00:03:00] create. And this used to be me. My goals would be based on things that I didn't really like about myself and wanting to make better or things I wanted to stop.
So I'd be like no more alcohol, especially after entertaining new year's Eve. Or. I'm going to stop, stop eating after seven, or I'm going to exercise every day. And well, all of these are perfectly honorable intentions and goals. The problem that comes along with them is the space that I was coming from. I was coming from the space of not really liking myself very much. Right. I didn't want to eat after seven because I didn't like the choices I was making.
Uh, it's usually when I eat something quite poor because my kids can't see me do it. And then I feel miserable.
And well, it's not a bad thing to stop eating after seven. And it is. A goal that I've set a few times and may well set again, and there are ways to change that habit. They just [00:04:00] wasn't coming from the right place. It wasn't coming from a place of love for myself. It was coming from the opposite. Really? And I wonder if you can identify with that.
And exercising every day.
I love movement. Right? The science says, get moving. I have shared that on this podcast so many times. But things like that saying something about every day means that when you miss it once. You failed. So, how is that a sustainable goal to set?
So. I could go into all of this and how to create. Habits and what's the science of it and how to choose things based on loving you, which you. We will go into that a little bit. But instead of going into the science of habits, I am recommending something else instead of new year's [00:05:00] resolutions this year. Um, if you are interested in habits, as you go, maybe fitting in with what we're about to talk about, read the book, atomic habits by James clear, it's incredible.
It talks, it's all backed by science and what it says about habits. And it'll show you how doing things like.
Not eating at night, you need to attach to something else. So it's not about removing things, but adding things in. The so go and have a read of atomic habits by James clear, if that's an interest of yours and perhaps in the future, we'll do an episode just on that. But today. Instead. I'm going to propose a new approach to this year. Let's not have new year's resolutions full of impossible goals, setting ourselves up for failure. And based on self-loathing. Instead let's have an intention. Uh, focus for the year that it's based on. Your worthiness and your love for yourself. Let's [00:06:00] visualize where we want to be leading up to next year's new year's Eve.
Right. So, firstly, I'd like to start by saying, this is not my idea. I've heard this in so many different places. I wish I knew who I could credit with the idea of this. But we're going to talk about finding one word that is your intention for 2024. And as soon as I learned about this, I.
Was really able to shift this concept of.
Wanting to create those goals that weren't really helping me. And one intention, just one word to think of all year long is actually. A feasible thing and something I can reconnect with. When I've lost it.
So, if anybody knows who started this, I please do let me know. I'd love to give them credit.
And until that, I just want to share the word I want to spread it. So you perhaps would connect with this way of thinking about the next year as [00:07:00] well.
So the first thing I would encourage you to do is to think of yourself a year from now. You're leading maybe a few days before, a year from now, you're leading up to new year's Eve.
You're who you want to be.
Who is that? Where are you?
Who you with?
How do you feel about yourself? And the year you just had.
I want you to visualize where you want to be.
In, just under a year's time.
And take a moment to really think about it, uninterrupted, to check in with yourself, to truly visualize yourself there in that moment, being exactly who you want to be exactly where you want to be. What does it smell like? Are you standing? Are you sitting? What do you see? [00:08:00] Does it look like. What does it feel like?
And guess what. Our brains are such magical things. Your brain now that you've visualized all of this and literally felt it in your senses, your brain thinks you've already done it. So now it's much more likely to believe that it's possible when you go and start doing these things. Attached to this intention throughout the year.
So you visualize yourself in that moment. And now think of a word that represents that moment that represents the focus that you want to have this year. That will help you get into that space.
So in 2023, my word was. Be seen. Yeah, it's two words.
I wanted to get myself out there and be seen.
I want to see myself. And I want to let others in. [00:09:00] And my aim was to do this without overthinking. To simply be me. And it worked. I finally started the podcast that I had been contemplating for the stop starting and just not getting done for four plus years. I'm now talking to old friends that I haven't spoken to in a very long time, some on a now consistent basis. And I'm meeting new people. And I'm connecting with more people. And putting my voice out there. I have invested in programs that have given me the clarity in my message. And now I'm putting the. The word's out there and very soon, some really specific programs out there.
I know what I want to do because I've let myself be seen.
And more than anything, putting my attention into being seen and heard has. Being hard. And honestly, I think it's likely an ongoing thing that I need to work on. Never ending for life. The funny thing though. The way that I [00:10:00] find myself doing it is to listen. To interview people for the podcast and to be curious and truly listen to people. To talk to clients and potential potential clients about. What they need most. And then those times when I speak just me, I'm meeting a need. I feel, I have value to say, because I've been asked for it.
And then those times when I do speak just me. I'm meeting a need. I feel I have value to say, because I've already been asked to do it. And I've given myself permission. To be me.
/ so what is my 2024? word going to be. Well, I know I'm going to reconnect with my purpose. With my big, why? The reason I'm here on this earth is to risk. Love. And if you've listened to our episode with Nick heap, you'll understand that he helped me come up with these two words. That helped me [00:11:00] describe why I'm here in the world. What I meant to give. And also what I need the most.
And I have to say what also terrifies me. The most.
Because of what could be possible with it.
I'm here to risk. Love. And I can help you come up with those two words, by the way, if that's something that is of interest to you, but that's not the point right now. The point is. That I want to reconnect with that purpose. For it is through the act of love in its highest form of this word that people feel seen and heard. That you see that you matter, that you remember your big audacious dreams. And that you're capable of going and creating that impact in the world.
And what is the world that I want to create? The one that I can't possibly achieve simply in my lifetime. But for which I can create a legacy full of ripples for, I want to create a together world. Where we're [00:12:00] more connected to ourselves so that we can be better connected with others. One that allows us to give into our craving to belong and be part of something to being community, to have purpose. To make impact to work together. To collaborate. So what's my word for 2024. Act with purpose. Okay.
That's three words, but if you know me at all, you know that I have very strong rebel tendencies and I'm not such a big fan of following rules or the status quo. So three words, it is. You can give yourself that permission to. The thing is I need the action part of that word. And the purpose part. I want to truly connect in with my, why. To risk love. With my mission to create a together world and with my belief that it's the mothering instinct that the world needs most. And it's with all of this that I can move ahead into action. Which is anything that feels right. And that [00:13:00] mothers need. Most to be seen and heard to see their worth, to connect with your purpose and to get you out there creating your unique impact in the world. So this year, I will act knowing that this purpose. It holds me strong and guides my way when I feel lost.
So, what would it be like for you to have one word or three?
If you're anything like me?
What would it be like to have that for 2024? So visualize yourself at the end of the year, like we talked about. And then reflect upon that word, the intention that will help you get there.
And that's it. And just go be it. You can't get it wrong. There's no failing. To be you.
They're simply intention. And if you haven't heard it yet. Today. This month or even this year, you matter. What you think matters. [00:14:00] What you dream of matters, what you do matters. You're exactly what this world needs. So choose a word that honors that and all of your amazingness.
So welcome to 2024. And I can't wait to see what we all do this year.
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That is it, folks. This has been Mel Findlater on Permission to Be Human, the podcast, and I am so glad that you have joined us here today and hope that you have taken away some tidbits that will help you go away, connect with your big audacious dream, and make that massive impact in the world that you are dying to make.
If you liked today's episode, please, please, please Like it, share it, think of one person, think of one person that you think would also like it and Send it on over to them. Let's get this out there and more moms [00:15:00] feeling like themselves inspired Dreaming big and out there being them. Please do head on over to find me on Facebook with permission to be human or Instagram or you can even Off me an email and say hello.
Have permission to be human, always, at gmail. com. Say hello and let me know that you listened. What did you like about it? I would love to hear. If you didn't like it, I don't really want to know. Just kidding, you can share that if you want. I would love to know, however. who you are. Let's connect. Let's find out what you want more of.
Yes, this is a newer podcast, so I want to hear from you and I want to make it what would be useful to you. As always, remember that you have permission to dream big, permission to feel big, and permission to be you. You [00:16:00] have complete and full permission to be human. For real. You do.
