Episode 29 - Permission To Be Selfish
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/ / I am so excited and bewildered and. Almost confused. I have to share with you some news that I found this week. Which was that apparently this podcast [00:01:00] permission to be human. The podcast is in the top 10% globally. Of podcasts and I am like, Flabbergasted. We only started this in. April of this year. And. I can't believe that it has gotten to where it is.
So I want to say thank you to all of you out there who are listening. And sharing and please like, and subscribe and do all the things that you do to help us podcasters, but also just thanks for being you and listening and making this what it is. I can't wait to. Bring it to more and more people out there. All right. On with today's show.
/ So this episode is for Kayla. Kayla is one of our listeners who took the time to come and message me on Facebook at permission to be human. And share her experience with me about listening to this [00:02:00] podcast. And I am so, so grateful. As a podcast, or it can be really lonely sitting here talking to an empty room. And I can go and look at the numbers of who listened, but that doesn't give me a face or doesn't tell me anything about who you are, what your needs are. And what you're liking and not so much liking. So thank you, Kayla, for checking in with me and telling me what you really need.
And one of the suggestions Kayla gave me after some little prompts back and forth. Is this podcast permission to be selfish. And I'm so excited to share this with you because there are so many moms that I talk to who really struggle with this concept. I actually think probably all of us do myself included. At different times in my life. So we need permission to be selfish in order to go out [00:03:00] and do those big audacious dreams.
So that is what this episode is about. And thank you, Kayla for messaging me and please. Everybody else. Common message me. You can go on Facebook, just like Kayla did and go to permission to be human. Just send me a DM or you can send me an email at permission to be human. Always. At gmail.com. Now.
It's time to talk about. Being selfish.
We are human. We have needs. We have dreams. We have purpose.
Motherhood. Is hard. And rewarding and confusing and challenging. And beautiful and so many more things all at the same time. And my goodness. Is it a journey? Being a mother matters really, really matters. You're doing one of the most purposeful and important jobs in the world. You are creating the next generation. And growing [00:04:00] them into decent human beings. I lean into this. You matter exactly as you are. And. It's okay. Have other dreams and aspirations. To think bigger. To follow an inkling of an idea that perhaps you've had for years. Or even one that you thought of just recently. And spoiler alert for the rest of this podcast. Thinking about yourself is not a bad thing. In fact it's entirely necessary for the fate of your wellbeing, your families, your communities, and the wider world that will benefit from the dream. That is yours.
/ so I can only speak from my own experience and the culture that I was brought up in. I'm a white female. I was born in Alberta, Canada. I grew up in BC, Canada. And after traveling for 14 ish years moved. Back to BC, Canada. [00:05:00] From the UK where I spent a lot of time. I do have European descent, but it's so many generations go in my family.
So I have been in Canada for most of my life. And that's what I grown up in. That is my culture. And there are so many others. Uh, around. So. What I'm about to say about culture only speaks to my own. And perhaps you connect with this as well, because a lot of it is cross cultural.
I've been taught to admire the women who give, give, give. Who help others and. They have this badge of honor that comes with sacrificing themselves. For the benefit of others,
we shall drown while helping lift others up. So many women sacrifice themselves each and every day for the sake of their children, their family, their community, at least [00:06:00] that's what we tell ourselves. Right.
And we're suffering for it. And honestly, the community and the world is suffering for it because we need to be at our best. In order to do the best mothering that we can do. For our family and the wider world.
So I call B S on all of that. So, yes, do good. That's so much of what I, and this podcasts are about. But this does not need to be at the sacrifice of ourselves. We do not come last. Thinking of yourself is not a negative thing. In fact, can we go and change the definition of selfish to not be such a bad thing, please? Right.
I'm going to ask Google right now, what selfish means and let's hear the answer. Hey, Google define selfish. Here's the definition of selfish. Of a person action for motive. [00:07:00] Lacking consideration for other people. Concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure. Lacking consideration for other people and concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
Can you see how negative the interpretation of that word? Selfish is even in our dictionaries. Right. But.
How can looking after ourselves thinking about ourselves. Be construed in a non-negative way. How can it be such a bad thing to look after ourselves and to think about ourselves? Because we cannot best help other people or go out and make a difference if we are completely burnt out, if we are filled with resentment, because. The world is telling us all these negative things. Right. How can thinking about [00:08:00] ourselves, be construed as such a negative thing. So I call B S on this definition of selfish and we are rewriting it right here, and we are giving ourselves. Permission. To be selfish. Selfish.
Means thinking of yourself. In order to be your best self to go out. And make a difference in the world. This is the interpretation of selfish that we are using right here and right now, and I encourage you to go out and do the same thing. So please go and be selfish. Go and take care of yourself, go and do something fun just for you.
Right. Go and do something that is yours. And only yours. Because you are a mother. I know. I know that you always think of your kids. Right. It's what [00:09:00] we've been ingrained to do, and it is what makes us so good at what we do.
And. It is why we have to give ourselves permission. To sometimes go and think about ourselves and just ourselves. Right. I'm not concerned that me telling you this means you're going to go and only think about yourselves and never thinking about your kids now. Where your partner or the wider world, because you will naturally do that.
That is what you. Do. Right. However, taking the time for yourself and being selfish and this positive way that we just said. This is something that we have to put intention behind. Right. Because.
There are so many things. They go against us doing this that we have been taught that are absolute BS. Right.
For example. Go and take a bubble [00:10:00] bath and relax. On that half hour. Extra that you happen to have gotten that day. Right. There's no guilt needed for not doing the X, Y, and Z tasks that you have. For your work or for your kid or for your husband or partner or whoever. For somebody else. Right. There is.
Nothing.
That says you have to do all the time. There's nothing set says you have to do for others all the time. And.
It is okay to think of you and you only.
So what if selfish is actually what we need to be? At times in order to be our best self. And order for others to benefit from that.
And remember I'm all about doing good in the [00:11:00] world. In fact, everything I am doing here is based on the belief that it is mothers and mothering that the world needs most. And that's going to make the biggest impact. This is why I spend hours upon hours making this podcast, because I think, and I believe you are going to grow and change the world. But you're not going to do it. If you don't take time to allow yourself. To meet your needs. To allow yourself to dream, to allow yourself to be fully and completely you.
And it says desire to nurture. Protect enable others that makes us as women incredibly. Fierce. And wonderful. And the change makers, our world needs. And doing this at the sacrifice, our of ourselves is not the way to do it. When we do [00:12:00] this, we were never the only ones to struggle for it. Right. Think about you being a mother, right?
If you are absolutely having one of those days where. You are. Tired because you didn't get very much sleep last night for whatever reason. You.
Forgot to eat breakfast because you had to run out the door to take a kid to school.
You start to feel frustrated. You start to be snappy with people. You, you can't think of. Anything to be honest, that's good because you haven't taken care of yourself. You came last. And. Your kids notice your partner notices your work notices your. Whoever. The world notices that too. Right. And this isn't me saying this so that you feel more guilty about it. It's me saying this, that. To show you that being selfish is actually the best thing you could do for other [00:13:00] people. At least sometimes.
Right.
And if we're not. Here's the things that are most likely to happen. If we don't take care of our own needs.
You're going to get burnt out. Right. And. Who are we helping? If we can barely get ourselves off the sofa because we burned ourselves out.
Nobody.
Gonna feel resentment. And oh my goodness. The shame that comes. With resentment, resentment for. Having to look after others all the time or resentment for.
The decisions that you didn't want to make, but had to, or resent resentment. It is, it eats us alive. And that's what happens when we don't care.
Take care of our own needs. Right.
Hangar frustration. And honestly, mostly [00:14:00] this missed opportunity because the world needs you. It needs us mothers to take that big audacious dream, whatever it is. And get out there and do it. It needs the change that we're going to make.
And if we don't do this, if we don't go be selfish, you're teaching our kids. That they should please others. And help others. No matter the sacrifice to themselves. And is that really the lesson that we're trying to teach them? I don't think so. I, I truly don't think that's what you want to teach your kids either. Instead, what if we teach them that. Yes. Have empathy and notice what's needed in the world and with our friends and with our family.
And take care of ourselves. First. So that we can go and make that difference. I [00:15:00] think of the difference our kids are gonna make when they're older. Right.
So it's timed to shift. This mentality that selfish is bad. And let's give permission right now, right here. Right now.
Permission to be selfish. And selfish in our new version of the word.
Selfish means putting the needs of others first in order to best able to help and think of others.
I repeat that.
Being selfish. Means putting the needs of ourselves first. In order to best be able to help and think of others.
Later.
Right. So please go be selfish, please go and dream. Please go take that bath or that run or. That hike or that bike ride or whatever it is that you've been thinking about. [00:16:00] And that. Your soul is craving. Go and do it.
Because the world needs the version of you. That is your best self.
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That is it, folks. This has been Mel Findlater on Permission to Be Human, the podcast, and I am so glad that you have joined us here today and hope that you have taken away some tidbits that will help you go away, connect with your big audacious dream, and make that massive impact in the world that you are dying to make.
If you liked today's episode, please, please, please Like it, share it, think of one person, think of one person that you think would also like it and Send it on over to them. Let's get this out there and more moms feeling like themselves inspired Dreaming big and out there being them. [00:17:00] Please do head on over to find me on Facebook with permission to be human or Instagram or you can even Off me an email and say hello.
Have permission to be human, always, at gmail. com. Say hello and let me know that you listened. What did you like about it? I would love to hear. If you didn't like it, I don't really want to know. Just kidding, you can share that if you want. I would love to know, however. who you are. Let's connect. Let's find out what you want more of.
Yes, this is a newer podcast, so I want to hear from you and I want to make it what would be useful to you. As always, remember that you have permission to dream big, permission to feel big, and permission to be you. You have complete and full permission to be human. For [00:18:00] real. You do.
So our kids.
