Episode 25 - Mothering
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[00:00:00]
/ Hey, everyone. Today is me getting a little bit raw and vulnerable with you because I came to the biggest realization this morning. And I'd really love to share it with you because I feel like other people will identify with.
This part of this journey [00:01:00] into mothering that I'm on. And so today we're going to talk about being mom and what that's been like, and. This. Realization.
That mothering is actually what we need most.
So I started writing this bio today for a course that I'm part of, and I wrote it in a way that I've never done before. I really leaned into this concept of mothering. So I started it off with like I, Mel, I I'm mom of two kids, mom of a dog. Mom of a cat. Mom of friends, mom of the earth. And then it led from there and it started to make me realize that mothering is in fact.
A really big part of my identity. You see my journey into motherhood and figuring out how and where that fits with my identity as being a really bumpy one. I was so afraid that it would be all [00:02:00] encompassing and that I would lose a part of myself. And then my first child came along and after a bumpy start with a pretty traumatic birth. I started to come into my own. For awhile there, I honestly felt like I was born to be a mom. And I was so proud of my ability to still . Be me. During that process. Process to take her to the cafes and meet with clients and coworkers.
And to build the business and community that I was creating at that time. It was that first. Couple of years was really magical.
Then I had my second child who feels big in all directions and who needed a lot of me. And the needs of having two kids hit me like a brick. Suddenly in a country, far away from my family support network with a husband who was at work for long days, I lost me or at least that's how it felt. And there were many [00:03:00] moments and still are where. It wasn't possible to meet the needs of both my kids and me at the same time. So guess whose needs got pushed aside me? And even then it often felt like I wasn't doing enough. Like, I wasn't enough.
And you know, what years of doing this resulted in. It kills me to say it, but resentment. Not have my kids. None of my husband, but of the system. The way the story was playing out. The fact that I never planned or wanted to be a stay at home mum, but once I had kids, I didn't want them to go to daycare all day long at such a young age. So the only solution to that, that I could think of was to stay home. And. Don't get me wrong. I had some absolute glorious times because of it. I got to witness things that so many parents don't get to with their children. I am so grateful for the time of being able to have with them. And. I resent the fact [00:04:00] that the world is set up in a way that means that to get these things. The only way I could see was to put my needs aside.
And the shame. I've had for feeling any of this has dug deep into my soul. Pushing it down for so long has resulted in rage bubbling underneath the surface and creeping out. And then getting pushed back down because it's just not acceptable.
Can you relate? I've talked to a lot of moms who I think can. And today is a really interesting day for me because today's the day that I fully realized that is not motherhood that I resent. It is something so much bigger. It is the unfairness that comes with it. It is the inequalities of womanhood and motherhood, the system, the patriarchy. The village lists society as Glennon Doyle frequently talks about I'm the Cougar tamed in a cage who was aching to be wild and free. But the cage isn't motherhood or womanhood. [00:05:00] It's the culture and the norms and the status quo and, and, and.
So. Today, when I went to write this bio. The most interesting thing ended up coming out. I leaned into mothering being who I am. And my strong belief that it is in fact, mothering that will get us out of this mess.
As I did this, I felt this new feeling arise. Pride. I'm proud to be a mom. And I am proud that I like mothering others. It is when I was able to shift the word to mothering as a verb. That I felt connected. My role is to mother.
To mother, my kids, my family, my community. Other mums the earth. And in order to do any of this. I need to mother myself.
When I birthed my children, they were the start of a much bigger journey into connecting with my true identity and purpose. [00:06:00] Mothering is taking care of self and others. The self bit was missing for so long. Which is why the resentment kicked in. But how do we shift our culture and shift the reality for others in this position? How do we actually change this? We do it with mothering instinct. Mothering is noticing. Mothering is feeling. Mothering is bringing the warm cup of tea to the person who is so busy. Mothering others that they forget to drink. Mothering is friendship. It's love it's empathy. It's togetherness. Mothering is what the world needs more of. And not at the sacrifice of ourselves. Mothering is seeing the best in people. And helping them see it too.
And this is why the phrase that I constantly come back to when creating my business. Is that I believe that it's mums that can and will change the world. Perhaps they just simply need someone to make them [00:07:00] a cup of tea first
So I'll leave you with those thoughts for now.
For you to reflect upon what has your journey into motherhood been like? And.
What, if anything shifts when you think about.
Mothering as a verb.
And not a role
I'd love to hear your thoughts. [00:08:00] [00:09:00]
