Episode 24 - Sarah Ariado
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Mel: [00:00:00]
/Hi, Sarah. Welcome.
Sarah: Hi. Great to be here, Mel. Thanks for having me. Yeah,
Mel: I'm so excited to have you here and learn more about you. We've only just met and I'm already intrigued by your story and Where we go with this conversation today. So start us off by telling us a little bit about who is Sarah. [00:01:00]
Sarah: Yes.
Well, interesting question. Cause I always used to start that with, well, I'm a mom of, you know, two step sons, a daughter, a COVID cat. We got the cat over COVID. He doesn't have cat COVID and a dog and then a wife and all the things. And then I'm like, gosh, I'm who am I? What am I beyond that? So I am an annoyingly optimistic.
Life enthusiast who loves to create adventure and just learn. I'm addicted to learning and, and I am a mom and a coach and an author. Amazing.
Mel: The word I'm like attaching myself to there is adventure. So what do you mean by that?
Sarah: What does that look like? Yeah. So that comes with the annoyingly optimistic, which is what my husband lovingly calls me, but it's, it's being able to find adventure or find the [00:02:00] positive in life.
My six year old daughter, we do a ton of stuff together. Of course, as a mom, you're the one. I'm the one mainly coding her around and taking her all over the places. I'm able to do that with my schedule and Trying to teach her as well as teaching myself that when things are unexpected, it doesn't have to take a wrong turn.
It doesn't have to be something that, you know, we complain about or that is upsetting. We can find, like, how do we make this fun? Or how do we learn from this? Or, you know, maybe it was meant to be that we took that wrong turn because now we've got a scenic view on the way home. So, I just like to try to find...
The fun or the possibility in in situation. I think that that's why he calls me annoyingly optimistic because probably sometimes you just want to be upset about. Taking the wrong turn and the extra 25 minutes home, but, you know, we can make it fun too. Why be, why be serious and miserable.
Mel: [00:03:00] I love that. And so many words within that possibility adventure, the optimism, and I think what you're describing there is really, as I'm sure you've learned in your courses as well, because Sarah's done the same or is doing the same applied positive psychology courses I've done is it's.
It's the growth mindset. And it's that you're basically just choosing not to go on the judges journey and going up on the learners one, right? You're like, no, yeah, like, okay, that sucks. And like, what else? What else can we do with this? Right? Yes,
Sarah: exactly. Exactly. I think it comes from I've spent, I was sharing a little bit with you 20 years in oncology, and which is a heavy space and we're there to help people.
And so I think it's just natural that You know, rather than staying in the heavy, it's allowing them. Whether it's patients or people in my life, yes, to feel those feelings, but then to have something to look forward to. And I think that's just become second [00:04:00] nature for me because of where I started from that, you know, that's why I love the possibility of adventure.
Yeah. I
Mel: really like that. And how you stated that because as you know, the name of this podcast is permission to be human. And the whole point of that is that we human as human beings, we feel all of the emotions, right? And permission to feel really angry or sad or whatever else it is. And there can be an Which is what you're describing, right?
Like, yeah, I'm really pissed off because I took the wrong path, whatever that might mean in life. And what can we make of this? Like, right? It's a, it's a really interesting topic and like balance, I guess, of like where to find that allowing yourself to really feel it and not repress those emotions that are there, but also looking at what you're gaining from this experience as well.
Sarah: Yes. [00:05:00] Yes. And I love that you said, and instead of, but right, like I feel crummy, upset, angry, and what can I look forward to, or what can I do about that instead of the, but yeah, you said it perfectly.
Mel: And because often we feel the more less pleasant emotions alongside a more pleasant emotion, right? We, they call them negative and positive, but I don't really like that.
But the less pleasant, angry, for example, often still comes with like excitement or like something else that's with it, right? There never, there's never one emotion. Usually there's about 10, I think, in my world. Yeah. Why it's so confusing, right? Yes.
Sarah: Yes.
Mel: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So tell us a little bit about your journey that has gotten you to
Sarah: this point.
Yeah. So starting off in oncology for 20 years, it's been great. And I actually was told by patients 15 years ago, [00:06:00] probably, that the, the best part about the treatment was being able to, to work together, right? It was the mental and emotional support that I offered them. In addition to treating their physical body.
And when they first said it, I didn't really appreciate or fully understand what that meant until I went through my own health and healing journeys, where I started learning about mindfulness and it's progressed to meditation and positive psychology and yoga training and things like that, where I finally understood.
That it was the opportunity to feel the space that I was allowing them to feel how they were feeling and how can we grow together? How can we work through this together? How can I support them outside of just The physical treatment and so it was like a light bulb went off that, you know, that's what they meant and that's what I'm, I'm good at and enjoy that was the best part of the job was that interaction and that support that I was offering them.[00:07:00]
And so yeah, there's a couple of different avenues that led me to this when I started. Well with my healing journey, I turned to yoga, which I swore that I didn't like as meditation. I thought I was allergic to them because they were so slow and that was opposite of my personality and lifestyle. I was a go getter, a high achiever, always on the move and it forced me to slow down, which drove me crazy and was what I needed at the time to actually figure out what was happening.
And I was in my late twenties. And during the teacher training, it was the first time that I permission to make a choice based on how I felt in that moment, which may sound simple to some, but for me, it was like, wait a minute, I get, I get to choose what I do with my body based on how I feel right now.
But that was so foreign to me. And so I was, I was hooked from then on out and just kept learning and taking more [00:08:00] courses. And over the pandemic when everything shut down, I created a resiliency course for cancer patients, which is beneficial, you know, they, they didn't have a lot of support during that time as many of us didn't.
And and then I reflected on when I was having my daughter, I had two weeks to prepare for a C section, which is much longer than some women get, a lot of women get but I was really upset about it because I had done everything right. And there was all these supports for, you know, natural birth, not a lot of support that I had found or pursued for C section, but during that time, all the physicians thought that I had fallen asleep and really I was fighting a panic attack, but I used some mindfulness tools to, to breathe and to try to fight that panic attack and just try to remain calm.
And at the end the anesthesiologist told me that I was the calmest person he'd seen in 25 [00:09:00] years. So marrying the two when the pandemic hit and I created this for cancer patients, I was like, why, why not create it for mothers? Why not offer? Women, these tools, not just for the birthing process, but also for dealing with all of this stuff afterwards, because for me, I felt like no one talked about it.
I felt like I was the only person that had ever had a miscarriage. I knew I did. I knew I wasn't, but no one talked about it. So I thought in my circle, I was the only one. I was one of the only ones that was fighting a panic attack during a C section, not true. A lot of people do. And then afterwards, I, I was fortunate to not get depression, which a lot of people do get.
I did get some of the baby blues, but I. I think it's because I have the tools to identify and to be able to self regulate earlier on than some other people do. And I just [00:10:00] want to clarify, I'm not saying that postpartum depression or depression in general is preventable per se, or it's something that you know, is not valid.
It absolutely is. And, and seek the help that you need also. There might be tools that help lessen the severity of it is what I'm trying to say. And so I think that I was fortunate in those aspects because I had the tools. And and gosh, that was a really long winded answer to your question of how the heck did I get here?
But, but that's really how it, I, I went on a personal journey and it came full circle to, you know, my daily job and just fell in love with how can I help people more and on a personal level, because that's really what brings me joy and, and I have experience with it. So I understand, you know, how they're feeling and what they're going through and, and have had success with.
Tools
Mel: myself. I think that's brilliant. And honestly, it was a super [00:11:00] broad question. So you could have talked for another 20 minutes. Really? How can you actually answer a question about how did you get to this point? Like, where do you start? Where do you finish? Right? So that was great. And I love that.
Well, so what I, so what I heard just to repeat back is you've had this journey through working in oncology and really getting to know the people that were there, right? Really getting to know their needs and their desires and and their humanity is almost what it sounds like, right? Yeah. Actually what they're asking for is that, like, notice me as a person.
And like I'm more than my cancer. I'm more than my body. I am everything that is me. And it sounds like you were able to then find a way to really tap into that and support and enable them to be their best selves in the hardest times of their lives, right? Yeah. And then moving that into something [00:12:00] that has happened in your own life and your own experience and seeing that within other moms who are going through similar things that you can bring them some.
Humanity, again, some humanness, right, to their experience that it was really, really hard. Let's be honest, birth is a trauma no matter how it happened. Generally, like, I've never heard a single person say, like, that their birth wasn't traumatic. Right? And it was beautiful in many ways for people, but there's also some trauma attached to it.
Because let's be honest, like, a baby is coming over a body in whatever way that might be. Yeah. And it sounds like you were, it's incredible. I find it amazing that you were able to use the skills and the experience that you had in your professional world, but also your personal one and bring that to literally an operating table to help yourself through that.
Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And. I, I think I [00:13:00] can definitely identify with that, and I think a lot of mothers out there probably can as well, or listeners out there probably can, because I, I assure you, you're probably all thinking of your own journeys right now, of birth and how you got there, and I know, like, as soon as you start talking, that's where my mind goes, too.
I was having a panic attack on, on a C section table, I'm it was an emergency one but and how useful it would have been in those moments to not only have an anesthesiologist, I always struggle with that word, but in my ear checking in on my pain, but actually maybe supporting My mindfulness in that moment and like keeping me calm and a whole at a whole nother level.
Right. So amazing. It's my short answer to your answer.
Sarah: Yeah, you said something about the birth experience being traumatic [00:14:00] and 100 percent and I feel like. Afterwards too, because even, you know, I, I was so excited with, with the losses that I had experienced. I was so excited to have my daughter and, you know, for the first four months, it was fine.
You, I was in this cloudy state of, of bliss, I guess, you know, I was too tired to really know what was going on otherwise. And but after that four months, I don't know, honeymoon period wore off, maybe reality started to set in for me and. I felt, I felt a sense of loss for who I was, like my, my social life, my independence, my body, my everything.
And I, I joke with my friends now that I feel like the first two years are just survival mode because everything revolves around their schedule. Whether you're nursing or not, [00:15:00] but I had a kid who didn't really sleep. I had a kid who would scream no matter what I did on the way to wherever I was driving and the whole way back.
She was an angel while I was there, but hated the car. So I really evaluated for the first two years. Is this important enough for me to deal with 20 minutes of screaming each way? And a lot of times it wasn't. So I stayed home and I, I. Really lost touch with who I was, who my friends were, my schedule. And then of course, you know, you have work in there, so you're just trying to survive so you can come home and, and do all the things you need to.
So yeah, there was a, there was a big sense of loss for me that, again, I felt lonely and nobody had talked about. So I started talking about it because I'm like, I can't possibly be the only one. I'm not that special that I'm the only person with these feelings. And, and that helps to talk about it, but also it doesn't thick.
The loneliness. There's definitely choices and actions and consciousness that needs [00:16:00] to, to come into place so that you can choose what you're going to do about it now that you've recognized it. Yeah, I don't know if you experienced anything like that or I did.
Mel: I really did and I can definitely identify with it and I appreciate the work that you're doing and and sharing those types of stories because so often they are not talked about and we go in with these kind of glossy eyes and you know this Soon as you see your baby, you'll be love at first sight and all these things.
And you're just going to love those first few bits, really cherish it. The time goes fast. We say all these things, right. Which are all true to some extent, although our experience of what we see first is different for everybody. But that loneliness is real for every mother I've ever met. Right. if they're willing to share it with me.
And definitely 100 percent I felt that. I actually started a community back in England where I lived at the time. So I had, I was [00:17:00] isolated in terms of like, I didn't have family around. I lived in another country. I had some friends, but they weren't in the same kind of stage of life as me. And and it was, it was very different.
And I tried to just kind of live my old life with a new. Baby, it worked to some extent. I was very lucky that my first was able to just like sit in a coffee shop while I had a meeting with someone, but my second was not. And even, even with the first being like that, it was a shock to the system. And I use the words adventure a lot.
I did back then, especially. And I started this community of parents who wanted to keep adventure going after being a parent, right? I didn't want to lose this sense of spontaneity and being who I was. And the fact is that I did lose that to some extent for a little while, where it shifted. At least shifted to a new version of it.
And you know, [00:18:00] if we, whether we go big T, little T trauma at some point during that, that is traumatic to like lose, have all those emotions for the first couple of years and be really in survival mode for that long, that even now our bodies are still recovering from that. Ironic that we're having this conversation because I literally just came back from a pelvic health.
Physio, who's like saying kind of the same stuff to me that like eight years ago, my first birth, because I waited this long to get in there because there's such a taboo and all those things around it. You know, it's our bodies take the toll and it relates to everything that's happened in our life. And I find that absolutely fascinating.
And yeah, so keen to learn more about embodiment and trauma and where it's all held and all the things, right? Yeah. So what's coming to mind for me as you [00:19:00] were sharing your story and, you know, laying on an operating table and Manning. Managing your own panic attack, but appearing extremely calm in the process is like, what was going on inside your head?
What were you, what were you doing to help yourself in that moment? Yeah.
Sarah: Oh, reflecting back. So it's funny when I say this, I'll be curious your thoughts. When people used to tell me to meditate, I would get viscerally upset because I didn't think I could. I didn't think it was accessible. I can't clear my mind.
So I would get, I would get. Really mad because I felt like I was being told to do something that I couldn't do. And so sometimes I pause when I share tools because I don't want to give the same feeling to someone else who thinks that they can't. But what worked for me and what worked for me was [00:20:00] breathing as.
As silly as that may sound, and there's a lot of different types of breathing. There's a lot of visualizations you can do. There's a lot, lot, lot, lot of tools that people can have in their toolkit. What worked for me in that moment was breathing. And it was the control over the breathing that helped the most.
I believe because when I left out, but we're sharing openly and I feel like, you know, even if it helps one person, it's worth the vulnerability to share. I had waited for my surgeon who is always late. He was a fantastic doctor, but he was always late. And so I was three hours after I was already supposed to have this baby waiting to have this baby.
And by the time that came, the panic attack was already starting before I even got on the table. And I'm like, you know what? I don't need a baby today. I think I'm just going to go home. They're like, yeah, you can't do that. And and so I just felt like so out of control [00:21:00] that. The breath and slowing down, like, okay, I can count how long I breathe in, I can count how long I pause, I can count how long I breathe out.
So counting gave me something else to focus on. And then the control of, okay, I'm going to try to breathe in longer this time, I'm going to hold it longer. I gave myself something else to focus on, something else to do. I had gotten the spinal tap headache because they forgot to tilt me back up. So, you know, the medication was giving me a terrible migraine and the smell of that sterile sheet was so bad.
I thought I was going to vomit, but I couldn't really do anything. So, so I did ask them to move the sheet as far away from my face as they could. And then it was just the control of the breathing that helped. So, yeah, I hope that's accessible to people and if you're, you know, a high, high achiever go getter, kind of a control freak like I am, [00:22:00] maybe give it a go because it gives you that sense of control back.
There's one thing that you can do, even though you're strapped, you know, arms out the side and. You can't feel anything below your waist it, it does give you some sense of autonomy back. Yeah,
Mel: I love that description of breathing and how honest you are about saying that I think you're not alone in that.
The concept of meditation to someone who is completely new to it is terrifying and annoying. And we have judgments about who meditates and all that, and we're managing those feelings. But also, like, yeah, we think it means that we can't think of anything. Of course you can't meditate if you think that's what it is, because that's not what it is.
We cannot stop thinking as human beings. Our brains are not functioned to work that way, right? Yeah. But we can, we can have better control over where our thoughts go and we can, [00:23:00] when we can do that, which you're doing through the example of breath, then our breathing naturally starts to slow. We get calmer, our body calms, et cetera.
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's, that's a really great example, and I think works for a lot of people when we can practice that. So I actually did hypnobirthing for my second child, which is quite common in the UK, and was really, really good at giving me control and autonomy over my birth situation.
Amazing. I highly recommend checking into it if that's, if that's where you want to go if you've had a traumatic first birth, especially it's really, it really, really helped with my second one. But part of it was about, we didn't focus so much on breathing, but that was almost like what happens if you're thinking about, so we practiced going to a certain Place in our [00:24:00] minds, like mine was this, I can literally go there right now.
I can picture the cabin on the beach and exactly what it looks like. And I stand out on the deck and I watched the waves come in and I can, you know, I can, I can smell it. I can feel it. And it gives me something completely different to think about than whatever is actually happening in real life.
Essentially And that worked really well. So distraction is almost the tool, right? Whether it's through breath, through visualization, through In our past episodes, we've talked about havening a couple times, and havening very much uses distraction. And one of the, my favorite ones, even though I don't even like math, is to like, Count backwards by three from 70 and like get it wrong.
Don't care But like you have to focus really hard to answer those questions, right? Cuz we're not you know, our brain isn't trained to count backwards by threes or like look around the room and name as many colors as you [00:25:00] can and Just little tiny distraction techniques that then calm Our bodies down. One of my favorites right now, I'm very, like, getting really into, like, grounding, so I really want my feet, like, on the ground, ideally outside, but that's not, you know, possible, and really, like, tapping into what it is, maybe, like, moving them up and down a little bit, getting some movement involved.
That's just, but distraction being, I think, the key theme that's coming out for me within that, and breath is, Breath is our way to distract yourself, but it's also like a requirement for our living beings, like, yeah.
Sarah: Right. So I love that you pointed out distraction because being in the mindfulness space, and then now also studying positive psychology.
Sometimes these tools appear to be [00:26:00] conflicting, right? Like mindfulness, you're present, you're actively aware of what's happening. But then we just talked a whole bunch about distraction. So what the heck, everybody, like what's going on, but I really think that's where I think having a bunch of tools is so important because you wouldn't take a hammer, the hammer and a screw, right?
Like you use different tools depending on what you're going to build, just like you use different tools with what you're dealing with the distraction in, in. I'll say trauma, right? Having a baby's traumatic recovery is traumatic. Being able to distract from what's actually going on was key for me, because if I would have just grounded myself and been in the moment and focused on the breathing and my body, which I could barely feel, but you know, you're being yanked so I could feel my body being yanked, even though I couldn't.
Feel the sensations. I really, I don't know if I would have been able to manage that panic attack. So I, I love that you [00:27:00] brought that up. And I think it's an important distinction for people to know that just like how I, I didn't like meditation before. And now I do it every day. It's not a one size fits all.
And it's not. A one tool fits all. It's not one tool for every single situation. It's really finding what works for you and finding what works for you in that particular situation. So I'm so glad that you brought that up. And I just wanted to help clarify why we were, you know, potentially addressing two conflicting theories.
It really does go together. Yeah. And I think they thank you for explaining that. And I think they do, they can be one in the same sometimes, right? So like for me, mindfulness, and it may not be this interpretation for you, but it might be me really paying attention to like the fingerprint on my finger or how it feels to rub my fingers.
Mel: And that gets me in full into a mindful state because I'm focusing my attention on something, right. And, or breath would be. [00:28:00] You know, another example of that exact thing. So it's still distraction to me in a mindful way. If that makes sense.
Sarah: Yeah. Yeah.
Mel: Oh, that's really, really interesting. Okay. So, great tools.
Let's go back to you and your journey, and what would you say is your big audacious dream?
Sarah: It's been evolving, so I... I have adjusted my mindset to encompass, I've written, I've written and self published two books and I was in the practice for a while saying, I'm going to be an author. And my friends are like, you're already an author. I am already an author. My big audacious dream is to finish the third book I'm working on and it will be a [00:29:00] traditionally published book where I go on tour and I, you know, get signatures and the goal of the book.
Is to tell personal stories similar to this and, and provide tools of what you can do about it, right? So you experienced this trauma, you had this experience. Now, what can you do to move forward? What opportunity, what lesson, what tools can you have in your toolbox based on this story? And I want it to be available to help inspire other.
Well, people I'm writing it for women or those who identify as women in my particular case, because I identify as a woman and, and it's my journey but really to inspire whoever it's meant to inspire so that they can achieve their dreams. That's, that's what I hope to accomplish in this life.
Mel: I love that.
So whether that's through this [00:30:00] book that you are writing, which sounds amazing by the way, I will be keen to, I love, I love like personal stories like that and then drawing lessons from them. And it sounds to me like whether it's through the book or whatever comes afterwards, where you, your big audacious dream is around using the power of story.
And other people's stories, lessons of stories, or the power of story to, to share lessons essentially to, to better our wellbeing for the future. I don't know if those are the right words, but that's kind of my interpretation of what you said. You can correct me.
Sarah: Yeah, no, you got it. I mean, just inspiring other people to, to accomplish what they're set out to do.
Yeah. Yeah.
Mel: I love that. That's awesome. And [00:31:00] what would you say to the, so our audience are mums listening in, many of which have big audacious dreams already who want to go and get out there and do that, whether that may be a writing a book for them, or it might be starting a business or a project or, or,
Sarah: or,
Mel: or changing or making a difference in the world in some sort of way.
And what would you say to them? That maybe are just a few steps behind where you're at and how can they, I don't know if the question is, how can they get there, but more like, maybe they're struggling where they currently are and just need a little bit of something. Yeah,
Sarah: that's a really great question. I'm trying to think of how to thoughtfully answer. It's going to be already, so bear with me, ladies.
Saying what you want to do is important, but [00:32:00] taking action to actually do it. Thanks. Is vital and I don't just mean if you want to write a book or create a podcast or do something, I mean, how you want to show up as a woman and a mother telling your kids to be self confident and, and telling them wonderful things is great.
However, if we're still beating ourselves up over our imperfections and our kids looked up to us, what does that say about them? They're idle. Is imperfect and flawed and we've got negative self talk or we're pinching our roles or we're looking at ourselves in the mirror with disgust that not taking the action to show where you want to be.
And so that was an aha moment for me when I was pinching the extra than I had. And then my daughter was two at the time and she started pinching. I'm like, ah, that's [00:33:00] what I'm showing her. That is my value. Like I've got a little extra role and so I'm not okay because. You know, I don't look how I want to, what, what does that show her?
So, so that would be the first thing is to, to take action and do what you want to, to put out in the world. And then the second thing that I struggle with, I feel like I'm recovering, I'm a recovering perfectionist and I feel like it's addiction. You're never really over it. You're just constantly working at it, appreciate this, identify and appreciate the small steps of where you've come, how far, right?
It could be a pound on the scale. It could be you had five minutes to yourself today instead of four yesterday. It could be that you wrote a chapter in the book or a page in the book that you're trying to, or you recorded part of an episode. It takes a bunch of small steps to get there. You don't take a giant leap to get to the [00:34:00] top of Mount Everest.
It's a lot of slow, methodical, well planned out steps, and they're hard. Sometimes you slip. And you, you regress, but as long as you keep moving forward, you'll get there. And then the third thing would just be, be patient with yourself, set goals, but be patient with yourself on those slips sometimes, because you wouldn't look at your child and say, Oh my gosh, you fell down.
When you're learning to walk, you might as well just lay there and crawl forever. You're never going to accomplish it. You've never do that. So, you know, back to the first one, don't do that to yourself because if you're constantly hearing that negative self talk or you know, being told you're not good enough by yourself, how will you ever be good enough?
So I think those three things, you can get that. You're good. You can do anything. Yeah.
Mel: Life's sorted if you can do all those, right? Even if you know it you know, it's, it [00:35:00] takes so much practice, especially the thing around self talk. And I run into this with myself and others all the time. If we actually stop and listen to the way that we Talk to ourselves, even just in our, especially in our heads.
You would never say that to another person, and you would never accept anybody else saying that to you, I hope. Right? Like, it is abusive most of the time. Very, like, just really negative self talk. And when we can start to notice that, then we can start to have compassion for it, and then we can start to change it.
Right? And that it's totally human nature to have that. We do. We do. And the thing around Mount Everest, which I use as a phrase all the time, by the way, which is kind of funny, is that you need, you know, the first step to, to walking up Mount Everest is putting your shoes by the door, right? Like that, the tiniest little step, which I call them laughable steps is, and we, [00:36:00] as humans, we have a negativity bias that means that we will notice.
What went wrong, and we forget what went right. We don't naturally notice. We have to actually try to notice what , went well. Oh yeah, I put my shoes by the door. Oh yeah, I got them on this morning. Even the last week, I wouldn't. Oh, I walked around the block. Or it was just a couple steps further today, or whatever it is.
It's like noticing those little things is not gonna come naturally. And that's okay. Right? Yeah, if it was, we'd be perfect. We'd be fine. Exactly! If I could notice how good I was at everything, like, I might be a bit conceited, but I'd be like, I'd be great!
Sarah: Ha ha ha! For sure.
Mel: For sure. So those are really good tools that you've shared with us around. Mindfulness and breathing and maybe I don't know if there's anything else you want to say around that in terms of like an everyday practice, perhaps that people could [00:37:00] do to enable themselves, I guess, to feel more themselves.
Sarah: Yeah, well, I guess the last two things that I have found helpful and it was helpful for me to see the data around it. One is pausing to figure out in work, in life, in dealing with kids. Before I react is it really worth getting upset about, right? I mean, yes, I said five times to please put your dishes in the sink, but is it worth blowing up and reacting about, or is that a battle I'm not really willing to fight in terms of allowing myself to be controlled by my emotions.
So getting really upset, I don't mean just let them lay dishes around, but, but how are you going to show up and what are you going to do about it? And then the second thing is. Movement and I'll say movement over exercise because [00:38:00] exercise a lot, a lot of times, especially when we're trying to like, we're recovering from having a baby.
You know, come out of us and we're tired, even walking around the block is movement. Even doing some stretches is movement. Even sitting up and down in a chair a couple of times is movement. And I was able to track with an app what my emotions were during the day. I did it for six months and the main difference I do meditate every day.
And that did help with the biggest difference. In how I was able to show up and be proactive versus reactive was the days that I move and so I'll say movement over exercise, obviously, however you want to do that, but it's part of self care to it gets your body, you know, I think of it as water. We're made up of mainly water.
I don't want to be a yucky, icky puddle that is, you know, full of bugs and. Nasty growth. I wanna be a [00:39:00] river or an ocean that's moving and flowing and able to adjust as I need to, and healthy. It's self-cleaning. So movement and and pausing to then be able to choose how you react. I
Mel: love both of those and it made me think of, and I agree with both a hundred percent by the way, and while you were speaking about movement, it, it made me think of how often in life I crave stillness.
Which is interesting comparison, right? Because movement is so important and I'm wondering just out loud whether those moments when I, when I crave stillness, like what's the relationship movement cravings or desires or needs? And I don't know the answer. I just kind of thought that thought came into my mind as you were speaking.
About that. [00:40:00] Yeah.
Sarah: Yeah. I'll be curious what you discover as you reflect on it, because I, when I walk, I'm not one to really I mean, I'd love listening to music and listening to the things, but sometimes my best thoughts come from my quiet walk. And so maybe I'm curious if yours is like you crave stillness of the mind.
Or do you crave stillness of the body, or is it a combo? I don't know. That's interesting.
Mel: Yeah, and I think it's probably a combination or a different one at different times. I, like, I crave laying on the ground just completely still often. But then there's other moments when I need... I need, like, I have a bike next to my desk because when my mind won't function anymore, I just have to move.
So I just jump on it. And I don't even work hard. I just literally spin my legs a little bit to kind of get the body moving, which gets the mind moving. Right. [00:41:00] And I think stillness is probably more of a, maybe it's more of a metaphorical kind of. Thought, it is like stillness of mind, stillness of life, like things moving so fast, let's slow it down.
And I agree because I, like I do coaching in nature. We go for walks outside because that's where our best work is often done both outside in nature, but also moving and yeah, so yeah, it's an interesting thought. I'm going to have to dig into that a little bit more. Maybe have some more conversations about about that relationship between both of those things.
Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Excellent. All right. Is there anything else that you would like to say before we start to wrap things up?
Sarah: Nothing earth shattering, I guess. I guess I'll just say one last thing that I wish I would have known or someone would have said to me earlier on in my motherhood journey. [00:42:00] And that, you know, best, you know, best, you don't have all the answers, but You know best. And so you're doing a great job. We don't hear that enough.
Mel: It's true. We really, really don't. And I don't usually feel like I need to hear it until someone says it in that odd occasion and my start bawling. I'm like, Oh, shoot. Like I can remember moments in time when that happened. I was like, Oh, right then. Thank you. Right. And I think I think that's similar for for all of us that this is hard work and It's amazing work, and it's challenging work, and it's hard.
Sarah: So, yeah. Thank you for doing it. Thank you. And
Mel: you, and you. So if, if anybody listening is keen to get in touch with you to maybe read some of your past books to find your new one, that will definitely be coming out , [00:43:00] where would they, where would they
Sarah: go? The best way is my website. So sarahariaudo.com . I'm a bit on social media, although I.
Real life and I love personal connections. So, you know, I'm more personal with email and and things like that. But it's Sarah Ariado across all the handles, but my website's really the best way most personal way to get in touch. That's great.
Mel: Thank you so much.
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