Sara Treadwell
===
[00:00:00] I am so excited to share with you the interview that I did with Sarah Treadwell. That is such an amazing person to speak with. We talk about fear and the, how it comes into our life, especially during times of change and how we can build a relationship with that fear. Instead [00:01:00] of shutting it or scaring it away.
And we dig into asking for help and why that is not only so important, but a gift to others. And so many more things. Sarah Treadwell is.
Uh, social worker turned spirit worker. Who assists her clients with energetic wellness and fullness. She has her own podcast as well. She's the host of circle of fire. The podcast, which aims to build intentional communities by honoring our individual sovereignty and power. And I am so excited to share with you today. So stick around.
Mel: this podcast is all about moms who have big audacious dreams and talking about how they got there and what they are, and just seeing how mom life fits into that.
So my first question for you is, what does big audacious [00:02:00] dream mean to you?
Sara: I mean, my life is all about following my authentic self and helping others do that. So I think. Through a theme throughout my life is just following, following that inner voice of, of the more like, what's, what am I searching for?
What am I trying to achieve like at a deep level? And that has really, just following that inner voice has led me to amazing things that I never would've thought.
Mel: Amazing. So following the inner voice. Yeah. I
Sara: love that. Yeah. I love that. And so
Mel: important as mums, right, because it, it's really easy to not actually follow your inner voice when you have so many demands on life.
Sara: Yeah, that's a huge challenge because there's so many things we need should do or we have to do that. It's really hard to follow these voices that sometimes tell us to do things that don't make any sense. Like sit down and, and read a [00:03:00] book with your child when you have to do the dishes and make dinner and do the laundry and, you know, email that person back and you know, but that moment sitting down is actually what will get you where you wanna be.
So, I love that.
Mel: Yeah. Um, so what do you do when you sit down in those moments? How do you get into that?
Sara: It is taken a long time, uh, definitely to learn that not following the voice didn't actually solve anything, right? So, following the chaos, following the fear, or the stress actually didn't make the day go any better, uh, is a huge thing to learn.
And for me, I had to go over and over following the fear, following the stress. Witnessing my, my family, my right, the women in my family doing the same and friends of mine until I kind of was like, what if I didn't? What if I didn't follow the fear? What if I didn't follow that inner [00:04:00] voicing what I should do and finding that, oh, the things still got done, but I was able to really be present more with my family and, and in all the aspects of my life when I didn't move from a place of Stress, but I move from a place of joy.
Mel: Hmm. I love that. I love that. Yeah. So once you listened, started to listen to that, that inner voice that you're describing. And I love that you said, um, what if I didn't follow the fear? So once you're like, okay, I don't need to do that anymore, and you started listening to that inner voice, what came out of it?
What, what dreams or ambitions or thoughts came out?
Sara: Yeah. , so when I decided to not follow the fear, it was a, the first thing I was met with, with struggling, letting go of control, right? So following the joy, following peace. It's a really huge [00:05:00] act of, of surrender and. You know, not knowing I can, if I know if I'm doing all the things I should do, then I kind of can think, pretend I know what I'm doing.
I know what the outcome is. I know what if. I know I'm gonna go away in the room and do these tasks, I feel in control. So, and I feel like I can check those off and I can look, I'm proving to everyone look what I'm doing. It's a very external act. Not that I felt that at the time, but as I started to try to let go, I started realizing all of these layers.
Um, I don't know, society or, or programming, I don't wanna say programming, but like what the world told me I should be was where most of that the struggle was residing. And so as I started to allow myself space to let go of that, I began to become okay with the possibility of that I could be more than what others thought of me.
Mel: [00:06:00] Wow. Yeah, you can be more than what others thought of you.
Sara: Yeah, and the funniest part of that, Mel, is that what I found out when I did that is it actually had nothing to do with O what other people thought of me, because what I found out is other people already saw me very clearly. It was actually what I thought I was capable of, that it was on the other side of that, I was totally shocked because I thought, oh, what are other people gonna think?
What, you know, other people wouldn't think I could or should or would. But I was shocked over and over when people would say back, oh yeah. As I started to kind of, I guess, stand in my bravery, people would say, oh yeah, that makes sense for you. Or, oh, I could see you being good at that. Because I was the one who didn't believe in myself ultimately.
Mel: Wow. Now that is something to learn, right? Yeah. Yeah. So initially still working on it. Still working, yeah. Yeah. And as you say, it sounds, it's like this [00:07:00] outward leaping first, where, and then we get a bit of blame and like, Like it's, it's others that are looking at me like that, but it in fact, it's inside that we need to shift in order to, in order to.
I love that phrase you said, stand in my bravery. Like, yeah, that's what we all need to be doing. Right. Stand in my bravery. Yeah, and it's not easy.
Sara: And I think the cool thing about being a mom and going through this journey is that our children are unapologetically brave when they first get to this planet.
Cuz they don't know to be afraid. Right? They don't know that they should not have that dream to be, you know, my youngest and my oldest both, you know, I'm gonna be a YouTube singer, I'm gonna be a star. I don't put it past them to do that, but they, they didn't have any fear of it cuz it was like, of course I can.
Of course I would if I want to. I will. And, I think from what I've read, things I've read, things I've talked to people. The biggest hindrance to our own success [00:08:00] is us, is us giving up is the determination and the belief that we can Right. That we, we tend to start and stop. And start and stop instead of continuing forward to the finish line.
Mel: Yeah. Exactly. And I think we, we all do, right? Every single one of us. And, and, um, it's easy to look at people who we see as being really brave, who are maybe just a little further on that journey and showing their outwards bravery, um, and think that actually they never had to do that. And they still don't like, oh, they're good.
They're brave, they're courageous, they're already out there, right? Um, and kind of separating ourselves from them as, as humans, when in fact that they're just like us. They had a starting place as well. And we all start in slightly different places, but we're always working on these like inner challenges the entire time.[00:09:00]
And standing in your bravery is a vulnerable space to be, and that's hard.
Sara: And I think the really great point you made just there is about. So a lot of people and myself, including for a while, believe that you have to get rid of the fear before you move forward, when in reality you have to move forward and allow the fear to come with you.
Yeah. Yeah, and, and if you listen to interviews from celebrities and authors, right, they like, they're musicians that get sick and are so stagefright and then they go out and they have a wonderful show at night after night because the fear has to be allowed to come with us. If we're waiting for the fear to go away we'll never begin.
Yes.
Mel: Yes. I love that. Yeah. And it's, yeah, I a hundred percent agree with every single thing you just said. The fear. The [00:10:00] fear is needs to come with us. Yeah. Yeah. And courage is not the absence of fear, right? Courage is having, having fear, and still deciding to do it.
Sara: Yes. And it was, and, and it still shows up for me.
And, and honestly now I have, what I do is I have a relationship with the fear and I ask it questions like, what are you afraid of? What are, what's going on here? Fear. Um, okay, you can come like you. It has important information, this fear that comes with us. So what are you, what are you trying to tell me?
Um, and. And not letting it just rule, but acknowledge its existence and say, I know you're here with me. We're gonna do this together, but what are, what message do you have? And in my personal practice with work, I assist other people with kind of coming to this understanding. And so I often talk to their fear with them of like, what are you.
Because we can have a desire, we can want, have an intention or a desire, and we're [00:11:00] very frustrated with why is this not happening? What is this? Why can't I reach this? And when we can get in and talk to that fear and say there there's parts of ourselves that are maybe not fully in alignment. With this desire and are like, oh, we can't do that.
Because if we were to achieve this professional success, maybe we would not be as present in our family life and, and our kids would resent us, right? So we might have this underlying fear and we're, so, our fear is protecting us from. Becoming a bad mom. That's what the ultimate fear is, right? So when we can address that and heal that and make an a contract in kind of a agreement with the fear to say, I'm not gonna do that, we're gonna be able to move forward.
And we, I agree with you. I don't wanna do that. I don't wanna abandon my family in, in order to be successful, but that doesn't have to be the case. And in reality, I can be a better model to my children by showing them how to be a mom. And [00:12:00] reach for your dreams, right? Mm-hmm. Right. So it's, it's a really beautiful thing when you're, when you can decide to have a relationship with a fear, which is not something that's usually talked about.
Mel: Yeah. I love that you're personifying the fear, right? And, and so often we talk about emotions and our, our feelings, fear being one of them as like positive and negative. That's the terms that they use in like positive psychology, right? But that doesn't mean good and bad, right? So fear isn't a bad feeling.
It might not feel very good, right? It's getting our body into a state. But like you say, it's telling us something. So what if we listen to it and then talk with it, right? And then move through that, whatever it is where I think so often we, we just push it aside and say, oh, exactly. Fear go away. You're, you're getting in my way.
Right? Yes. Yes. Getting in my way and [00:13:00] actually fear is, sometimes when I've done similar personification stuff, it's what if that fear is actually like your inner child saying it? What do you, would you talk to your child that way because they were afraid? No. No way. They're like, okay. Like what are you afraid about?
As you say, right? Like that's, yeah. That's so powerful. I love, I love that.
Sara: Yeah. And the fact that we can listen to it, that doesn't mean we have to believe it. Mm-hmm. Right? That's the difference. Yeah. Is we can listen to our fear without believing it and buying into it and say, Hey, fear, what's going on today?
Why, uh, you know, What, what are you, what's, what's happening? I love that idea of the inner child, right? If you were talking to someone else, you would help them explore where is this coming from? But when it's within ourselves, we're just, and we, it can be crippling. Yeah.
Mel: Yeah. Mm-hmm. I love that. Okay. So you've clearly done a lot of work on yourself over the last few years.
Tell me a little bit [00:14:00] about, um, that journey and your journey of. Finding out where, like getting to where you are right now in terms of your work and being a mom and how that all kind of mingles.
Sara: I think what I wanna say first is that what the biggest thing I've found, through this whole wonderful game of life is that it's really about the long game.
When I first began, I thought it was about immediate. You know, get rich quick scheme or like how to, how to achieve all of your dreams in 30 days kinda thing. Yeah. Uh, and over time, you know, I feel like just life slows down the process because it is a journey and it was so frustrating and so hard to wait cuz I just wanted to be there.
And so my journey really began, right? I mean, it's our whole lives. It's our whole. [00:15:00] So where did it begin? I mean, my life really changed significantly when I was 16 because I became pregnant and decided to keep my child. And so the trajectory changed dramatically from where I thought I was gonna go to where I went and.
I decided to become a social worker instead of go to school for acting, which was a huge shift. But I felt like okay, while acting and and psychology are similar cuz of understanding people, so great, and I still kind of continued on my own personal journey. While also doing this really hard, big thing of going into motherhood, before I was even, you know, simultaneously to becoming an adult, I was a child and then I was a mother.
So that was a really unique journey. Um, but the one thread that went through is, okay, if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna have to stay true to myself while also doing this really big thing and, and [00:16:00] following that path when all sorts of places I didn't expect. Um, and the patience was the hardest part. I think looking back on it, uh, that was just so frustrating.
Wait. Um, and I think that's kind of the struggle, right? It's like not being in the now, not being present. And if I could go back and change one thing, it would be to tell that younger self, like, let's just enjoy this moment because the future is coming. We don't need to, we don't need to be, you know, there's a, again, that fear comes up of, and it's not gonna happen or it's not gonna be, but just because it's not right now doesn't mean it's not coming for us and.
We can miss these great moments while we're wi, while we're impatiently anticipating the future.
Mel: Wow, there's so many amazing things that you just said. I have like 60 million questions that popped into my head or, or just things to say like, firstly the [00:17:00] maturity for you to have. And I'm sure it looked or sounded different at that age, but at 16, to be able to say, this is what I wanna do and I'm gonna stay true.
To me, this is the only way this is gonna work. That's actually incredibly mature decision to be able to, to think that, right, I can do this. I'm gonna stay true to me. Um, That's the first thing that came to mind is that that's incredible. And I'm sure there was lots of challenges on that journey as well as you Yeah.
Everyone can imagine would come, um, especially at that age as we all have as motherhood, but especially in the youngness. Um, and then the other things you were saying, oh my goodness, like what else came to my mind? So this, this impatience that you touch on, I think is so key in so many things. So the first one that comes to my mind is actually in this kind of, in from my kind of business perspective, right?
I have this big, big audacious dream. I have this big dream for a [00:18:00] business. And there's so many people saying like, we're gonna get you to be making 10,000 a dollars a month in the next X amount of time. And you're like, okay. But then you feel like crap because you're not making 10,000. But what is happening is you're so impatient that actually we're stopping ourselves from, from doing it because of all the things we just talked about with the fear and the, and everything else.
And I think that's really powerful. And then just in life as well, right? Like how. Like, we're just impatient about our dreams in general and we're missing out on that present, present moment. And, and how do we get that balance between staying true to ourselves and like acknowledging those big dreams and those big ambitions that we have in our own life, both as mothers and, and I actually just, and, but also being able to stay in.
That present moment and have that joy and [00:19:00] experience gratitude and awe and everything that comes with it. Yeah, so powerful. Yeah,
Sara: with my first child, you know, I was in, I went to, I was in college and she was in daycare, and it was won. It was great. We did, it was, I would not have been a good stay-at-home mom at that age.
It was a really good balance and we had a wonderful time, but it was very busy. It was very, you know, active with lots of things. And in 20 2012, I decided, That I was going to leave my kind of nine to five job and start my own business. I had been kind of holding back from fear because of all the things, uh, and, but I did it and I was, I put in my resignation and I was starting, I was moving forward, and then I found out I was pregnant with my second.
And I was like, this is fine. This is fine. No worries. It's okay. I can still do it. I did it at 16. It's no [00:20:00] problem. Everything's good. I'm just gonna, my whole pregnancy, I'll work really hard and I'll get everything set up and then I'll take like six to eight weeks off and then I'll be right back at it.
It'll be no big deal. Um, and then that six to eight weeks turned into like six years Yeah. Of, of being home and. It was so frustrating for about, I would say about half of that. I was really confused and frustrated and, and like, no, this isn't what I wanted. I had it all set up. I had to cancel all these things that I had, I had done all this work.
I could do it. I I could have done it. Right? You have these, like, I could have done that. Um, and I remember my mom saying, maybe this just isn't the. And I was like, no, no, no. I did it before I could do it again. But what I missed in that, you know, fear that my dream, I wouldn't get here where I am actually today.
Uh, because it, [00:21:00] spoiler alert I did get here, right? Mm-hmm. But, um, at the time, what I missed and what I wouldn't have even contemplated is that I got to be a stay-at-home mom. And I had two children that I was with all the time, and I did all the things, uh, with them at home. And I never would've even, I'd never even thought about that before.
Um, and if I hadn't thought that I should start my own business, I wouldn't have left that job and I wouldn't have. Had that space to just say, oh, I guess I'm a, I, I, I called myself an accidental stay-at-home mom, cuz I did not, that was not the plan. I did not know that was coming and it was the most magical wonder, wonderful thing that could have happened.
Um, and it wasn't the right time for the business. It didn't mean that it wasn't coming. That just wasn't the moment. And honestly, it's the connections that I made and the growth and that I, that I had in that window that have even made it easier for me to be here [00:22:00] today, which I couldn't have conceived of then.
Mel: Yeah. Yeah. Tell me more about that. Like what do
Sara: you mean by connect? Yeah, so the first time when I was a mom, I had a lot of support of co. You know, it was wonderful. I was very blessed to have so much support as a young mother. What I found was missing was community, because I didn't have other, none of my friends were having children.
I had one friend, right, who was also a teen mom who I could connect with that we met through the process, but really it was very isolating. Um, and all the support, uh, really is not the same as having c. So when my younger two, uh, I started looking for preschool and I really knew I wanted to find a community of people.
And so that was my number one for preschools was finding a community where I could be involved and need other parents and really be a part of something. [00:23:00] And I did end up finding that. And through that met all these amazing people and we, we, it was a co-op preschool, so we worked together to make the school run, and I was able to get back into that.
You know, my business brain of, of making the school function and working with other parents for a common goal and then really supporting each other, right? If someone is, is not feeling well, we can support you because we're here for you. And understanding that parenting is hard and we we're here together in this mess to, to do it.
Um, and then those relationships grew and so, And deepened, uh, as our children grew. And it was such a different experience allowing myself to be on the receiving end of support, which I didn't, uh, really know, or community, I guess. I mean, I'd received support, but I had been so busy trying to show everyone I could do it by myself that I missed out, uh, on the first time around.
I [00:24:00] think on really having this balance, that balance of give and receive.
Mel: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Amazing. And so amazing that you found that community to be able to do that. You know, people say it takes a village and it's like, I know it's said far too often, but that's because it's true, right? Yeah. That's because it's true.
And in our village for so many of us is not actually in existence anymore, and yeah, and it's so, so important and. And because we don't have it, there's a lot of repercussions to that in terms of our own health and the way we think about things. And why can't I do everything? Because you're not meant to do everything.
Yeah. Right. Um, yeah.
Sara: Yeah. I remember with my second born, my friend wanted to drop off food and I was like, no, no, no, I'm fine. You don't need to drop off food. And they were like, no, no. I'll drop off some food for you. I'll just put it on the porch. And I said, no, no, I'm really okay. [00:25:00] And later on they told me that they were hurt, that I wouldn't accept the food.
And to me, I couldn't at the time. Right. I couldn't. Accept this food during this really hard time because I don't know what I Right. I couldn. I'm okay. I don't need you. I'm okay. Look at me. I'm great. I can make dinner. Um, yeah, and, and you know, years later I'm like, nevermind. I'll take it. I'm not having a baby.
And feel free to drop off food. Anybody, anybody wanna drop off food? Just drop it off. I'll, I'll take it. Yeah. Yeah.
Mel: Yeah, exactly. And, and this whole, asking for help is actually a huge topic for me I, that I'm very passionate about. And the concept of asking for help, so often we feel like it's a burden to somebody else to ask them or for you to receive, which I imagined what was going on there for you.
Yeah. , when in reality accept asking and accepting. Is, is a gift to the other [00:26:00] person, right? You're saying, I trust you to help me. Please, can you help me? Right. And that's amazing. I feel like how do, like for everybody that's listening, how do you feel when you help someone really freaking good? Right? If you know that you actually help them, it feels so good.
Why wouldn't we wanna gift that to someone. Right.
Sara: That's so true. It's so true. I was the helper, right? I was always there for everyone. And then I would feel lonely in those moments when I needed something, something. And I remember this time when I thought, um, nobody's there for me. And then I realized, oh, I've never allowed anyone to be there for me.
I've never really asked for anyone to be there for me. And so I did this really scary thing, which was I decided to. Showing up for my, in my relationships and asking people for help. And I really thought I was gonna lose my relationships because, you know, they were so built on me being there [00:27:00] for them.
And what I found was they stepped up. They were, they were so happy that I was asked, oh, I would love to know what's going on, you know, what's, what hardship you're having because we can inadvertently give this message that. You know, like you said, that we don't trust people that we, you know, we're superior, uh, which is not how we're feeling, but it was a beautiful, beautiful thing when I started to trust the people in my life that they were gonna show up for me.
And, and they did. And it was really lovely. And if someone didn't, uh, honestly, they probably just aren't around anymore. And I didn't, I don't notice, I don't think that really happened. But I'm like, maybe there were some people who didn't show up. But also I. Uh, most the, the people closest to me, they all showed up and were there and it was lovely.
Yeah. Yeah. That's
Mel: amazing.
So here's a challenge question for you. So how do you ask for help now?
Sara: [00:28:00] That's a really good question. I'll say this because it just happened very recently. Um, sometimes I stop, I'll, I won't ask for help. I'll start doing the thing and then I'll actually like stop. And say, no, I can ask for help. It's almost, it's not like a I, oh, I'm gonna, before I begin, I will be asking for help from someone.
I still am in a state where I often have to, I start moving in a, in that old pattern, and I'll notice. I'll notice that I'm not asking for help suddenly, and I'll just kind of stop moving, stop doing the thing, put the thing down, walk away from it and reach out for help. And I'll, if I can tell you one example of this, cause it was so profound that I was hosting a retreat, um, this fall and we were doing these foot baths and I told everyone, you know, who was getting the foot bath, uh, when you're.
You know, we would, we would prepare the water. We would, you'd sit [00:29:00] down, we would get you all set up and, and when you were done, you could either pick up your water and take it out and dump it as kind of a release or ask someone to take your water for you and they would dump it as, you don't have to be bothered with it.
And I told everyone this, and I went through with everyone and set them up and did the whole thing and. One of the LA in the last group to go and I finished the, the foot bath and I stood up and I picked up my water and I started walking out and I thought, oh, everybody's so relaxed and everybody's so comfy and I don't wanna bother anybody because they've already, and then I just.
Put the water down, the B, the BA basin down and like put my hands up and I was like, I would like someone to take my water. It was like the hardest thing yeah. To do. Cause I realized, oh my gosh, I was sitting here telling people all night. It was my idea that this process and before I even thought, right.
It's so ingrained in me. [00:30:00] So I guess my point of that for me right now is I still move. In those old patterns, but I try to catch myself and stop. Yeah. And when I'm feeling, when I'm hearing that rumination of lack of support or I don't wanna bother others, although that's kind of a trigger for me to say, oh, if I'm doing this because I don't wanna bother someone, then I should probably put this basin down and ask for help.
Yeah.
Mel: And that's actually the perfect just metaphor for it. Isn it isn't it like, Just put the basin down. Right. Ask for help.
Sara: Yes. Yeah,
Mel: yeah, yeah. I love that. And thank you for sharing so openly the fact that like, it's still there. Those patterns are still there. Right. And they're in Me too. And they're in, you know, I think everybody, because we've been culturally ingrained to, to think this way as women and mom especially, right.
We're people pleaser as we wanna help, we wanna, you know, all those things. [00:31:00] And that's amazing in so many ways. When those patterns and those thoughts, like you just mentioned, like I don't wanna bother others, so, and if it, if that's then sacrificing ourself, is that okay? Right. Yeah. That's the question in the moment.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So powerful. Amazing. Okay, so you've gone through this journey and we've got tidbits of it, so many amazing ones. And you say you've, you've gotten there. Now, tell me about that. What does, what does that mean and where are you now?
Sara: Yeah, um, I mean, I. I feel like at this point in my life, I've put in a lot of work into my relationships, into my friendships, into my children, into my marriage.
I spent a lot of time that they all needed a lot of time. Uh, and, and I did that, and I, and I think that's really valuable. I don't think people give that enough credit as far as when you're looking at the business success. [00:32:00] Like I can, I can say now, I can see how it would've been really hard for me to do what I'm doing now.
Three, four years ago, just because those areas were not in a place of balance. Mm-hmm. Whether it be, obviously because of the pandemic and my kids were home all the time, or you know, my oldest is out of the house now and when she was a teenager, that was not a great time for me to be. You know, with young children, it was just, for me personally, I'm not saying that's for everyone, but for me, I was doing a lot of work during that.
And so today, um, I feel like I put in a lot of that work in those areas and built those relationships. So I have this platform now to really put all of my energy into my business. And knowing those other areas are okay, and we can't always move from a place of everything's okay, but understanding there is a time for everything.
I think that one sentence my mom said is really, like, maybe this isn't the time. [00:33:00] And I still was working towards this moment. I never stopped working towards this moment, but it looked very different. There were times when I would see, um, you know, one client a month and there were, and that was okay. That was what I had space for.
And there were times when I. You know, 20 clients a month. And then I realized, okay, well, you know, that's a lot. I don't really want us to 20 clients a month. So I, you know, I just shifted as, that's all good. It's all work. It doesn't have to go in one trajectory. Mm-hmm. Um, which is what I originally thought.
And so I got to like 20 clients and I thought, well, this is a lot and I'm really tired. I'm having a hard time balancing everyth. And I was like, well, maybe if I, maybe I could shift it a little, I could change ideas. What if I did this or that? And I, and I allowed myself to shift and change as, and allowed my dream to shift and change.
It didn't have to stay the one thing that I thought it was going to be 20 years ago. And that has really been healing. [00:34:00] Um, and help me define peace in this present moment, uh, of what, what I really want, which is not what I thought I wanted a while ago.
Mel: Because you've done the work, as you say, and built that foundation and learned more about yourself in the process.
Yeah. The other thing that comes to my mind as you spoke there is this, this idea that I have to remind myself of frequently, which is that even when we feel like we're not directly working towards something, what that dream is, it's moving. And it, it's, it's going, our thoughts are going, our clarity is coming.
Our like, it's like this almost energy I believe, anyways, that just continues to roll. Like if you roll a ball down the hill, it doesn't stop just cuz you walk away. It's still gonna roll. Right. And it might feel slower than perhaps we want it to roll, but it's still rolling. And, um, yeah, that's something that definitely comes to my mind that is actually when I step away, that the clarity comes
as opposed to just push forward.
I
Sara: think that's, so, I think the [00:35:00] idea is to expand your view of what the path is, right? Because I used to think I was on, I had two different paths I was walking and I was trying to balance both. And it wasn't until I. Stepped off of one of the paths I realized they were always one. It was always the one.
Oh, it loved that. It wasn't two. And so if we Right, it's like zooming out of the picture, like your parenthood being a mom is a part of the path. It's creating you. Yeah. It's shifting you, it's changing you in ways that is going to inform the work you want to bring into this world. It is not a, it is not a side quest.
It is the quest. Right. Yeah. So we need to, we need to hold onto that because we just don't allow that to be true. Only Bec I think, only cuz of the way the media te you know, views that as like, oh, the mom stays home and she's not worth anything for these years. Or, you know, uh, that's just not true. Yeah, it's not true.
[00:36:00] Yeah. Yeah.
Mel: I love, I love everything you just said because it, you know what, I've always struggled with this whole concept that's often talked about a like work-life balance, right? And I'm like, I can't, that doesn't work for me. And I've always tried to figure out what the words are to describe why that doesn't work and to, I'm not sure what the replacement word to balance is, right?
Mm-hmm. But I think you just pointed it out. Balance is implying there's two paths. And it's balancing the both when what you just said. It is all one big one, right? Yeah. It's all one big one. And we intertwine in so many different ways and that like just makes me wanna breathe more than like trying to make a scale function properly, right?
Yes.
Sara: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And to that point, like before, I was like, how much am I showing up to each path? Every day I remember my check, my to-do lists. Were like, how much am I doing for this part [00:37:00] of me? How much am I doing for this part of me? And it was exhausting. Mm-hmm. And when I let go and I was able to let go, which.
Some could say was the divine timing, but also I, I now see I could have done it any time I was ready. I could have merged these paths. It's just like so much easier because it's just me. It's just me and my life. It's not all of those things that. I have to be, um, ticking off every day. Tick, tick, tick, tick.
Mel: Exactly. Ticking off and also choosing and choosing is overwhelming. When you think it's like one or the other, or the other, or the other. Actually, if you're just choosing a big path, how amazing is that? It's like, I don't, I've already chosen, it'll just come.
Sara: Yeah. It's like always I choose the big path to do something.
Yeah. If I choose to do something for work, I'm always disappointing. I didn't choose something for my family. If I choose my family. Mm-hmm. I didn't choose something for my professional growth. I mean, right. If it's one path, then everything you choose is informing everything else, and it's a [00:38:00] beautiful, beautiful shift.
It's life changing.
Mel: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I love that. I love that. Okay. Oh, I think we could talk for like two hours. Yeah. Because there's so much good stuff there. Okay. So I think our listeners are gonna be really curious to know more about what you are doing in your work and what that maybe first dream was compared to what it's turned into now.
Tell us about that.
Sara: Yeah, so I, Decided to go into social work. I did end up getting my master's in social work and I've worked since I was 17. In the helping field and every job that I ever had was in that field. In 2021, I formally decided to retire from social work. And I used the word retire because it was too tempting to go back.
Uh, it was too easy to people, you know? I had built up my career to the place that I had wanted. [00:39:00] And so I was at that place where people would say, Hey, could you do this for me? You can do, you can. I was consulting at that point, and so it was so easy to say yes that I felt I had to say retire so that I would stop.
Saying yes. Mm-hmm. Um, to that side of myself and fully commit to this other aspect, which in tw 2012 when I left, , my job thinking I was going into business for myself, and I did for, you know, nine months, I shifted to energetic wellness. So still within the realm of social work, I call it social work, turn spirit worker.
So, I shifted a little as far as my energetic practice, working as an intuitive and an empath to help people to. Heal emotionally, energetically to come into alignment and to kind of come into awareness of their own power. And, and it's really interesting because it's a practice where we don't have to.
[00:40:00] Intellectualize everything. We don't have to talk about it, but we can energetically notice areas that could use some support and provide healing for that. So that was the business that I shifted into, and in a really awesome way, it has shifted not only from working one-on-one with people, but also hosting retreats and helping people to, come together in community.
And my newest endeavor is this awareness. When we stand in our own power, when we come into healing our, our energies, we can then begin to live in community authentically. And that it, one of the, those hindrance to that community is that we are not standing in our own power because we think, oh, well, we have to be.
I have to be one with everyone and not even know who I am in order to really be a part of the community, when really I believe that if we all were standing in our own power and then came together, we would be unstoppable.[00:41:00]
Mel: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. You speak my language. I love that. I love that. And that is so important.
Like get to like as human beings, we need, we need our own stuff, our own power. We need. To understand ourselves, but we also need that connection in community. And it's always this interesting, again, I'm gonna go like this, so I'm balancing again, right? So I'm comparing them as two paths, but actually it's one.
Yeah. Um, and we need all of it.
Sara: Right. We need all of this. Yeah. Society wants to tell us that, you know, if you are, you're thinking about yourself, that you're not being a good member of community, but in fact mm-hmm. Being able to know yourself and be able to have your boundaries and know what you're, you can handle and how you can show up for others is actually the, the more authentic way, um, and a more helpful, healthy way to build community.
So we don't, we, I don't wanna rebuild toxic community. We already have that. We already know how to do that. What if we imagined, how could we build really strong, [00:42:00] intentional communities with each other? What would that look like? Yeah.
Mel: What would that look like?
That's so good. I love it. I love it.
Okay. I'm gonna wind us down with the question of anything that you.
So if we're thinking, some of our listeners are maybe at the, they'll be in all sorts of different stages of their journey, um, towards figuring out who they are, figuring out their dreams and their mom. But maybe they're a mom already, maybe they're thinking about it, whatever it might be. If you're thinking of the ones that are perhaps sort of the earlier stages, are there any tips or thoughts that you would give them to help them move forward?
Sara: I would say set your intention of where you think you wanna go. Have it be, I would suggest it to be as broad as possible. , like a broad intention, not like a, not, I want a red car, you know, [00:43:00] but say like, I want a safe way to travel. Let's say as an example of like the broad broadness. And then, try to find ways in every day that you.
You've done something towards that intention and then say, done something very loosely. I mean, find things in your life that have fit into that for you. Right? Mm-hmm. It's not an active, oh, I have to do something today. But notice the ways that the opportunities in every day that align with that intention and say that intention every day, and then look around.
It's like a mystery puzzle. You're on a journey. Look around for the things that fit into that intention, so you can be noticing them as they show up versus thinking you have to wait 10 years for them to be there for. you
Mel: It's hard to notice. That's huge. That's huge. Yeah. I love that.
Sara: So set your intention cause they're already Yeah.
They're already here for you. It's just grabbing them. Mm-hmm. [00:44:00] Right? Grabbing those moments and, and, and holding them and saying, oh, here you are. Thank you. And that way we can feel that support while we're in different phases of the journey. Right. It's all one path. Yeah,
Mel: it's all one path and we just have to start, have intention and start noticing yeah, what's there to grab.
I love that, Sarah. I love that. Amazing. So as we finish up here, is there anything else that you would like to, to share or say
Sara: well I can share that. You can also hear me more on the Circle of Fire podcast. Yay. Uh, which is so exciting. And, the Circle of Fire, fire Podcast is available on Apple and Google and Spotify. And we talk there all about standing in our power and our sovereignty and building intentional community.
So if anyone wants to hear more about that, join us.
Mel: That's amazing. I'm so excited to listen to your podcast as well. It's, it's clearly up my street.
Sara: Yeah, [00:45:00] it's amazing. I think we're both in a lot of alignment with that, so I'm really excited.
/
I so loved chatting with Sarah Treadwell, her insights into fear in relation to bravery and courage and her thoughts on asking for help and the importance of community. And everything about our natural patterns and how they work for and against us, it's really prompted some deep thinking on my part. I love that there are moms out there in the world who have been through adversity and still found a way to pursue their big audacious dreams.
And I hope this episode has helped you to think about what your dreams might be as well. And maybe the first little step that you could take to get there.
Be sure to check out Sarah over on Facebook, Instagram and Tik TOK has circle underscore of underscore fire. Underscore podcast and our website, Sarah treadwell.com. I'm so curious of how this episode has landed with you. So please take the time to like, and rate the podcast on whatever platform you chose to listen in on.
And come see hello [00:46:00] over on Facebook and Instagram. We're permission to be human, or you can find me as Mel Findlater on LinkedIn. Let me know what ideas, inspirations, or questions this episode is sparked for. You. And until then, Please remember to take the time to dream big because the world needs you and your big audacious dreams.
